«Meglio vivere un giorno da leone che cento anni da pecora.»

"It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep.

«Det er bedre å leve en dag som løve enn hundre år som en sau.»

I don’t know how much Benito Mussolini knew about agriculture. But this is, as far as I know the quote he is the most famous for.

Last summer we went to Turkey. On a daytrip we visited Alanya Castle with a group of tourists. One of the men was from Italy, and I told him “I have been told that “Meglio vivere….”, and like in a flip of a coin he got all elated, I didn’t even get to complete my sentence! (I was pretty peewish I was deprived of my moment of brilliance in Italian) He finished it for me, and then went on and on about the good things Mussolini did for Italy. I have to admit that I don’t really know a lot about Mussolini, but apparently Italians do… which is fair, but I know enough to realize that truth is an individual thing. The things he mentioned are not what I have been taught Mussolini contributed to the world. But I am sure he, like everybody else, had his moments of lucidity.

To be a lion: to roar against the world, showing off superior strength and to make a statement has something enticing and seductive about it. And the aspect of total rule (even if it is based on spreading fear) is to many very attractive.

As a leader, with the qualities of a lion you protect, you are brave, you are willing to fight, you hunt, you are part of a pride and you end up being a loner in the big scheme of things. Or, so the link below tells us. (http://ezinearticles.com/?6-Characteristics-of-the-Lion-to-Consider-For-Your-Own-Leadership&id=4046756)

I can’t help but thinking there are many kinds of lions, each with their own specific role and place. They all serve a purpose to complete the pride. Just because they don’t roar the deepest and loudest, doesn’t mean they are not important. Actually: most of the time the one lion in charge is the least significant in the pride. He steps up on special occasions only. But we still think of his qualities to be characteristic of all lions in general. And we tend to give him the qualities other members of the pride hold. Just to make him complete and close to perfect.

 

When you are a sheep, well…. Basically you are a sheep.

When I look up Characteristics of Sheep on wiki answers this is what I get:

“1. timid, fearful, easily panicked

2. dumb stupid, gullible

3. very vulnerable to fear, frustration, pests, hunger

4. easily influenced by a leader, by the shepherd

5. stampede easily, vulnerable to mob psychology

6. little or no means of self-defense; can only run

7. easily killed by enemies

8. the shepherd is most effective, calming influence

9. jealous, competitive for dominance

10. constantly need fresh water, fresh pasture

11. have very little discernment in choosing food or water

12. best water source is early morning dew

13. perverse, stubborn - will insist on their own way , even eating poisonous

plants or drinking dirty water

14. easily "cast" - flipped over on their back, unable to right themselves

will die of starvation if not turned over by shepherd; helpless

15. frequently look for easy places to rest

16. don't like to be sheared, cleaned

17. too much wool can cause sheep to be easily "cast"

18. creatures of habit; get into "ruts"

19. need the most care of all livestock

20. need to be "on the move"; need a pre-determined plan, pattern of grazing

21. totally dependent of shepherd for every need

22. need "rod and staff" guidance

And yet; They are of a gregarious nature...meaning they love to be with the herd, they are herbivores. Sheep must have a leader (shepherd) and must be told what to do and where to go, otherwise they'll wander off and get lost.”

 

I grew up on a sheep farm. I am not an expert, but I know enough about sheep to know this opinionated characteristic of sheep is totally wrong. This is more like myths about sheep, created because they are animals we herd and tend to. And we misconceive their peaceful nature to be stupidity, just because we know they are unable to protect themselves against predators. Sheep are valuable and can’t be put at risk out of carelessness, ignorance or fear of own safety.

 

Here in Norway we let the sheep graze in the mountains, much by themselves, all summer. We only check on them now and again to make sure they are doing ok… and most often they do. Not many are attacked by predators, other than dogs on the loose or an occasional bear or wolf, which are very rare. Here beasts of prey are close to extinct. Sheep do quite well on their own when left alone in a safe environment. They are easy going, laid back and quite good at living a good life. They don’t make a lot of noise; most of the time they are just content, and only baa to locate their lamb or mother, or if they strongly disagree with something… like when it’s time for shearing them. And yet they are tough (on occasions sheep have survived quite harsh winter conditions in the mountains), persistent and patient… good mothers too, with everything that includes.

 

So, Mussolini wanted to be a leader, not a disciple. He wanted to be the one in charge. Very admirable to be ambitious, but… the way I see it, those led, are only willing to be led as long as it benefits their own wants, needs and way of life.

When a leader no longer take in consideration the nature of his people, regardless of if we are talking about family, school, work, organization, country or any other group of people in some kind of coexistence, leadership ceases and it turns into ruling using different means of force. People are not dumb and stupid just because they want a good life.

 

Nature doesn’t agree with force; then harmony and productiveness turn into conflicts and corruption. As a result dissolution, disorganization and gradually annihilation set in.

To be "hit" on hits hard.

Women have, as far as I know, always been subjects to unwelcome compliments from men. The men, in their cocky ignorance have whistled after, shouted out or gestured what they thought were expressions of admiration, while women often have taken it as insults.

Not because it has been too obvious to both people they know and strangers alike. Just about anyone who hears what’s been said, and see who is commented upon, causes us to crumble up inside, because we are sure we know what’s going on in their head. The men who do this are not really affected or in any way looked down on, not in my experience anyway, but the women who have gotten the attention feel far from admired.

Men who pass by assess the woman, and I am sure they think: “Hmmm….. okey, nice legs, but what’s with the hair?”, “ Hmmm…. Too much make-up for my taste, but the low cut is pleasant”.

Women are not that nice, usually, when they evaluate other women. I am sure they think: “Hah, yeah, right; that’s the kind of guy she gets attention from”. Or “Really? She’s not that great looking, not really”.

To be commented upon, loudly, on the street, or anywhere for that matter, brings the self-centred sides of us out. We speed up a bit to get away as fast as possible… not too much, just enough to feel we get out of there quicker. We hardly ever slow down, to give the passers by an extra close look of how good we look… unless we are in an extra good mood and nothing can disturb the feeling of being extraordinary. We scan through every detail about our looks, from when we last washed our hair, if the mid-life spread shows really well in this top, if the nails looks fine,  if the coat is the right colour, if our legs are shaved… the list of visible and invisible details is pretty long. And sadly enough: we always find that one thing which makes the attention thought upon as spiteful.

At work I was told (by a man) that I should wear more colours… it would compliment my personality more. Another man then said “Oh, she looks great in black”, on which I replied “Yeah, everyone looks slimmer in black… you do realize that whatever you say now; it will be wrong, right?”

He just shook his head and told me it’s too hard to be nice to anyone these days. I know I was bad, even though I said it with a laugh and didn’t really mean to criticize, it was more like laughing it off, but men do have a hard time finding nice things to say to women these days, which is not perceived as being hit on. We tend to forget that people can be just friendly, and to say something nice to someone might be just that: a friendly comment.

Now the interesting new thing has emerged: Men get spooked when they get approached by another man, because he might be gay, and they feel hit upon. I don’t know why they expect everybody gay to jump them and want more than you are willing to give, but it seems like they have that impression of gay men.

Women, when they get approached or complimented by other women, feel appreciated and acknowledged (unless it is obviously an ironic comment and it hits a hundred times harder... and irony is most times how we perceive nice things said to us, and we turn out to be nasty in reply, rather than nice to each other.

Men… well, they feel giggled upon, as if everything about them is wrong. No matter what mood they are in; they feel the amusing value of it all entertain whoever is in the vicinity. No matter if it is a woman or a man, regardless sexual orientation, who approach them.

What used to be a friendly comment to gain contact with someone, is a threat to their manliness. At least that is how they refer to the incident, if they feel they have to comment upon it.

What if my best friend in the entire world, regardless of sex or sexual orientation, is out there, and the only way he/she knows to get in contact with people is to give a sincere compliment? Whose loss would that be?

To Have Or Have Not - Children

Not long ago I was talking to a coworker of mine who is going through a somewhat hard time. Oh, she has a very good life: a husband who loves her, a great house, a neat car, always fashionably dressed, they travel a lot; always on high class.

She regularly pamper herself with spa, massages, hair and nails always perfect and while looking good she enjoys an extensive social life and attend cultural events like concerts and theatre on a regular basis.

One should think she hasn’t got any worries at all, but she does: She has reached an age when she has to decide whether or not to have children.

Her husband is fine living the way he does. He doesn’t dismiss the thought of having children, and he knows he will love them to the moon and back, but if he never becomes a father he will not feel he has something undone in life.

She, on the other hand, feels greater pressure from people in their circle to become a mother. I keep telling her this is a decision she has to make based on her own wishes and needs, otherwise she is changing her entire life based on other people's expectations, and that is not fair neither to her nor the future children.

Another coworker of mine felt the lack of a child so agonizing and such a strain on her very being she became physically sick. Mentally she was fine apart from the sorrow, which is very mind consuming.

She and her husband decided years ago to adopt because they could not have a child biologically theirs.

Until the decision was made they were fine. During the social and financial enquiries they were fine. But when all the formalities were over and done with, and the waiting started, it was like the world crumbled and they went into a private bubble of anticipation.

In my experience (and I know this since I have many years of experience), parenting is both a wonderful and a challenging experience. It takes over your life in ways you never expected beforehand.

Many books will tell you it can put a great deal of pressure on relationships. Forget that. There is nothing can, may or probably about it: It does! You have to put yourself second in every aspect of living. You won’t get enough sleep for years, you can’t plan your days and be sure it will turn out the way you expect.

You may think that nights will be time off; time to live out the person you used to be. I wouldn’t count on it. There is always something left to do, or situations occur which forces you to reschedule. Many get a shock when they get a child. You can’t really plan what it will be like. Extreme situations change a person, and having a child is really extreme. To have your entire life changed overnight is… special.

To be a parent is the most important responsibility people undertake and a loving and supportive relationship helps parents face the challenges of child rearing.

As babies develop into toddlers, then young children and then teenagers and finally adults, it becomes clear that parenting is one of the most demanding jobs a person can do. As kids grow up, you may think they will be more independent, more self-driven… and they are, but they still need you. In different ways, but you still have to be there for them to a large degree.

It isn’t easy to be a couple, two adults who can do just about anything they like, to suddenly become a family of three or four. Sleepless nights and everything else parenthood brings along take its toll.

Lack of sleep makes us edgy, and often arguments start because you need to express how badly you need your sleep. It’s like a competition: who slept the most or the least hours last week. Who got up and soothed the child, changed the diaper, fed or comforted the baby. Statistically most breakups happen when the child is between one and three years old.

Among my friends, I see that single parents often cope the best, because they don’t count on another person to ease the hard work.

I think it is ok not to have children, I think it is a fair choice not to have them... and if you can't biologically; it is allowed to think it is ok. Easy for me to say who got them... but I don't know what kind of person I would have been without them... what I do know, is that my lifestyle would be very different, and that I would have reached a totally different level of self realisation. It does not mean I don't love my kids to pieces, and I have no regrets or remorse over having them... but I, as a person, would have fulfilled my potential to a higher degree as far as my own interests are concerned.

Do I enjoy spending my holidays in waterparks and fairground attractions? Do I like being tugged and called for at all times? Do I feel at ease with my house at all times being messy with toys and gadgets all over? No!

Do I mind interrupted meals, reading the same childrens' book 372 times? Yes. Do I mind enough not to enjoy watching my kids learn, grow, develop into independent individuals with their very own unique personalities? No: I am selfish enough to look at my children and think they complete something fundamental in me as a person. They give me unconditional love, which is returned, even when we disagree.

And yet: The best time of the day is when they are asleep and I check in on them, and place a soft peck on their cheek  ... Just saying.

Up to date or not up to date...

I was very lucky to get internet at a very early stage. When I first got internet nothing could be found there, so everything we wanted to find online we had to post ourselves. There were no pictures and no sound. Well, no sound apart from a casual “pling” now and again.

Internet evolved. More and more contents could be found. Commercial became a loyal companion to every site I visited, and before long advertisements for dating sites were just as common on the margins (on either side) of my screen as makeup, clothes and diets.

For a long time I was reluctant, but early February 2011 I established my Facebook profile, and soon I had Facebook friends, updates, likes and shares. I got involved in the discussions about what others had posted and why and how and when.

You pay more attention to what appears in the margin on Facebook. Don’t know why, but I do. To the left you got the apps and the invites, to the right you have the consumers’ advertisements about everything and nothing which will make your life improve; and there is one thing in particular I have noted as a curiosity.

Steadily a dating site shows up where an amazing amount of single people are searching for a partner. Don’t misunderstand me, I have no prejudice or negative thoughts on people who see this as a solution worth trying. Actually I think it is a good way to start looking for a significant partner.

BUT. There is one thing which astonishes me; one of the dating sites has used the picture of the same man this entire time to advertise for their site.

I told a friend about this, and late the same evening she gave me a call. Very amused she told me that she established her Facebook profile 6 years ago, and now (looking at the picture shown and thinking about it) she was pretty sure the same picture had been on that dating site the entire time! For 6 years!!!!!!!!

If he still hasn’t «found» anyone, it must mean he is a hopeless romantic who still hoping to find the perfect partner… or maybe he just isn’t very perspicacious.

Someone have mercy on that guy! I strongly consider sending him a postcard saying: “You probably do best on your own». I mean; if you can’t find it online, you probably have to find it elsewhere… and then post it, on facebook to share, perhaps?

To change eachother

It never stops to amaze me how preoccupied we are that people should fit into our perception of an ideal person, a holder of the ultimate personlity. I don’t think I am an exception, even though it would be lovely and ideal and open-mineded and a signal of my unprejudiced self... but I am not perfect, and I an thankful I am not. Besides, I don’t think we are meant to be that opinionless on other people, it would be like carelessness if we were.
My first impression, when I meet someone, often leads to conversations with friends about how I find that person’s appearance, behaviour, voice, body language, gestures, habits (both good and bad), skills... the list goes on and on about what I noticed and find worth mentioning, based upon wheather I instantly like or dislike my new acquaintance.
I tend to ignore (deliberately?) the qualities which does not fit my perception.

Reading what I just wrote, I think, perhaps, I should be a bit worried because I understand I come across as rather superficial. Or not...?

I somehow believe it is part of human nature to evaluate both eachother, and others. We need to label people, to find their role and what part they play in our lives.

As early as 1222 Håvamål, Odins tale - Words of the High one (a collection of Old Norse poems from the Viking age) stated that:

Deyr fé,                                     Cattle die,
deyja frændr,                             kinsmen die
deyr sjálfr et sama;                     you yourself die;
ek veit einn,                               I know one thing
at aldri deyr:                              which never dies:
dómr um dauðan hvern.             the fate of the honored dead.
(Quotation from Number 77, which possibly is the most known section of Gestaþáttr)

Even back then they acknowledged a man’s reputation was noted and important.
Mankind has changed, but not that much, in 800 years.

Some qualities are more important in a partner than in a friend, and conversely.
For some reason I think the entertainment bit is more important in a friend, and I accept more outwardness and acting out in a friend, than in a partner. It is just something I do... even though I know we are independent individuals, it is hard not to think that my partner reflects me more than a friend does. He should represent what is good in me. Totally unrealistic, but still. And I don’t think I am the only one who think so.

If he has the wrong tie or wear worn out boots or say things I disagree with, I let him know. But I hate it, really hate it, when he comments upon what I wear, in a way I did not expect.

I don’t like to stand corrected either, so most of the time I try not to think too much about how I comment upon him and his ways.
A friend of mine, on the market for a new boyfriend, told me that she always made sure they never went for a meal on their first proper date.

When I asked her why, she just looked at me with an incomprehensing gaze and stated that: “If I see a man eat, and am presented to all his bad habits and manners at the table; I will never find a boyfriend”.

She might be right. I think to many people that is true. Most of us fall in love because of qualities in the other person, not in spite of.
Most relationships start out great, but then, after some time, one of the parties often try to change the other person into what they think they want from a partner.

Some times even the partner try to change, beyond personal growth, to please, because he or she thinks that is what is expected.

I often see how couples nag and suggest and offer and accept invitations to activities on the partner’s behalf; everything tiny improvements but added up, they may not be compatible with the person we fell in love with at first sight.

Friends

Funny how one word can mean so different things to different people.

Not only does it mean different things to different people, but I put different meaning to the word depending on who I call a friend.

Because…. Well…. I know many will disagree, but I say it anyway, and I strongly believe it to be true: friends are different.

Some friends are those you bump into, catch up with and say:”We really need to get together some day…..” And you both leave feeling this was a good, unexpected chat, but you will not make priorities or make the effort to make the get-together happen. I like these uncomplicated friendly “friendships-on-hold”.

I still refere to them as friends, but they are not significant to my everyday life.

Then I have the ones who call to make sure I am at home before they come over. They expect the coffee or tea to be ready when they arrive, and preferably some biscuits or candy with it. They sit chatting for hours about their own life, their kids, their current boyfriend or forever spouse, their problems and their perfect life… and when they run out of issues and things to share they get into a hurry and have to leave.

I love these visits… I “mhm” and “oooooh?” in suitable intervals, and listen half-heartedly while I at times let my own thoughts wander inspired by what my friend is telling.

A couple of my friends are those who never call, never return a call and who I know never read my text messages… so I do not bother to neither call nor texting them (And as I write this, I realize we act the same way towards eachother; neglecting the other’s attempts to get in touch by mobile phone, but feeling it is as it should be).

When they come over, I never know in advance. They don’t knock or ring the doorbell; they just come into the house like a fresh breeze as they shout “Hello! It’s me! Anyone here?” They take control, put on fresh coffee, find a jug on their own, clear a chair or a sofa of whatever is occupying the seat they want, sit down and chit-chat about this and that. Everything from a cat having kittens to international politics is discussed, while I continue to fold clothes or do the dishes.

The way they feel at home makes my heart warm and thankful they feel like they belong in my house and home, and even though we don't interfere in eachother’s lives, we stay updated on what is going on with eachother, but it is the essentials in their person which is important.

We have no total control of what the other person is doing at all times. Some times we do not see each other for months, but we feel confident the other would drop everything and step up if either of us needed support. Never had to try the theory out, but there is total trust that neither of us will fail to be there 100% when rainy days come (and trust me: they will come, eventually).

Social medias online has opened up to different kinds of friendships. Some share their entire lives in detail through updating status on what they have for breakfast and what their kids are wearing. Others just send a casual “hi” and/or “bye”, and never expect nothing more than a “like” now and again. But they are good at sending birthday greetings and comment upon what I post myself. Strange how little things sometimes gives you the impression others actually do keep you in mind. At least the thought of me hovers in the back of their mind, and that is something to treasure too, right? The thought of people not being entirely indifferent to who I am and what I do is precious. Especially since I am really a very private and shy person.

Some you chat with. Some more often than others. You find compatible people with mutual values and interests and you get to know them regardless of what could have been obtacles if you ever met them in real life.

I so appreciate the input they have on issues and topics. It is like opening my mind to new approaches and less prejudice.

I have always thought that I was open minded, (a friend ones told me “she is black, you know” and I replied “She is?” and I meant it… yes, sounds like I am totally ignorant and dumb, but in that context I just didn’t see why that was an issue) but I realize I still have a lot to learn, thanks to social networks and medias. And I consider that a good thing.

It might have something to do with the fact that I realize time is in short supply for most people, me included. When someone takes  time to recognize me, gives me attention and adds something valuable to my person, I consider that a friend. 

Take good care of eachother - don't gloat

“A knight was expected to have not only the strength and skills to face combat in the violent Middle Ages but was also expected to temper this aggressive side of a knight with a chivalrous side to his nature. There was not an authentic Knights Code of Chivalry as such - it was a moral system which went beyond rules of combat and introduced the concept of Chivalrous conduct - qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women”.

§  To fear God and maintain His Church

§  To serve the liege lord in valour and faith

§  To protect the weak and defenceless

§  To give succour to widows and orphans

§  To refrain from the wanton giving of offence

§  To live by honour and for glory

§  To despise pecuniary reward

§  To fight for the welfare of all

§  To obey those placed in authority

§  To guard the honour of fellow knights

§  To eschew unfairness, meanness and deceit

§  To keep faith

§  At all times to speak the truth

§  To persevere to the end in any enterprise begun

§  To respect the honour of women

§  Never to refuse a challenge from an equal

§  Never to turn the back upon a foe

Just like the Ten Commandments, these are such great virtues to live by. Not because they define the rules of membership to a section of the population or a religion, but because the guys back then paid some attention and found out what it would take to be at peace with each other and the society in which they lived, to make people they surrounded themselves with the best they could be, and to show respect when respect was called for.


Reading the newspapers and watching the news on TV, regardless of reference or agency, I come to think about how we disrespect others and often gloat at other people’s misfortune. That is perhaps our greatest source of entertainment. Sad but nevertheless true.
That aside: what I really like about these guidelines is the fact that if you try to live by them, you do not have to live your life constantly looking over your shoulder. Worrying people have issues they feel are unsettled between you.


So many people I know (myself included) realize they have not always made the right choices. They have blamed others for they own shortcomings, given up at other people’s expense, not stood up for others when they know for sure they have been wrongfully discredited… to make it short: they have done what I have done myself: trying to make life easier on themselves and if lucky; getting a good story out of it; A good story just because this time (as well) it is about someone else.


To mind our own business is what we really want to do, and that others stay out of our business is what we keep telling them to do, but we get annoyed when we discover somebody could have helped someone we love and care for: Quite a deadlock, right?


I am far from being a saint, I mess things up all the time, and I know I at times walk away when I should have stayed facing the heat. Maybe it would have been easier to make the right choices if we had more approval, from society in general, to give fair and matter of fact feedback, without being percepted as meddlesome. 
If we focused more on other people’s well-being rather than the entertainment value of their misfortune, maybe, just maybe, we could have had more good times together, instead of looking for our own and others’ possible social embarrassments. 

Downfall of men

When I was a kid I learned a nursery rhyme. As far as I know all languages have a version of this riddle:

Humpty Dumpty poem

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's horses, And all the King's men Couldn't put Humpty together again! Alternative Words... Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty dumpty had a great fall; Threescore men and threescore more, Could not place Humpty as he was before. These days, to me, this riddle/nursery rhyme/poem has been added another answer. It is not an egg (as we would often say); to me this has become an illustration of what happens to a man in high position or with authority who makes the wrong choices. Because it is men, who now face the downfall caused by their actions. It is men, who think sex is something they are entitled to regardless of other people’s feelings or integrity. This isn’t something new in history; men have at all times failed to resist their wanting, their lust, their desire to satisfy their needs when it comes to women (or men, for that matter; some so young they are underage even). Women have at all times held the power of sex. Samson’s great weakness was a beautiful woman called Delilah. She had been promised a great sum of money if she could discover the secret to his incredible strength. To be seduced by a woman is not new in world history, neither is rape where a man (I know women do too, but this is still not out in the open) takes a woman against her will. It doesn’t cease to amaze me how many men do the same mistake of not acknowledging the meaning of the word “no”. I know some men have the notion of “no” actually means “yes”, but you know what? Out of respect of women in general: if a woman says “no” understand it as if she really means “no” at all times! Even when she really means “yes”. If she feels deprived of something which could have been good, well: Tough! I give my money, time, attention, care and effort to a great deal of people and organizations. What I own and what I am are resources to those I surround myself with and causes I believe in. My sexuality is the one thing I insist on having the right to give to the man I choose at a time I choose. We must always keep in mind the expressions “consenting party” and “consenting adult”. Too many forget these are the two rules we follow when it comes to having a sound and safe sexuality with no risk of wrecking homes, hurting people we care for and love and causing our own downfall. From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own.  ~Syrus http://www.rhymes.org.uk/humpty_dumpty.htm

Democracy, freedom of speech and such...

Sometimes it really gets on my nerves to live in this country. It is a small, but very long country… if you place a pin in the very southern spot on the map, and turn the country around, the circle will cover a large part of Europe… far south into Italy and Spain.

Our straggling country, with its challenging landscape; weather-beaten shore, wuthering heights, narrow valleys, sparsely population, idyllic towns and really, really poor infrastructure (the roads are a nightmare, even in broad daylight) and, at best, cool temperature offers a good life for those of us who think unpredictable conditions a challenge and an adventure rather than a struggle.

Part of living here is the knowledge we live in a free and open democracy. We are considered liberal and open minded, in spite of our set ways of thinking and doing things.

We are all different, and we accept we have differences… so much so that we at times think that our constitution is an obstacle.

Our constitution is founded on Christian objects clause. We used to say grace in schools and kindergartens, but due to so many children coming from non-Christian homes this is no longer the case. We approve of gay marriages (not necessarily all of us, as individuals, but as a country with a state church we do) and all congregations, regardless of religion, get state contribution.

All of this is fair and reasonable, at least I think it is, but like any other free and democratic state we all have our own mind on matters like these.

You see: living in a free and democratic country has the disadvantage of living, working and functioning with people with different ways and different opinions, and there is no law against being stupid. Sorry but true… or maybe I should feel relieved?

We risk getting insulted and provoked because part of living here is the right we have to practice freedom of speech. On the other hand we do not have to agree and tolerate it by not standing up for ourselves. We should speak up when we disagree or feel molested. Even more so if we think someone else is unfairly spoken about.

Freedom of speech is not the freedom to express discrimination or to put others down. Freedom of speech boils down to be freedom to utter what you feel about matters in general, not to specify or frame individuals. We accept that freedom of speech implies responsibilities and limits. To be protected from becoming a victim of racism and degrading acts are more important than a person’s right to say whatever he or she wants.

Still… Have you ever tried to make two lists: one for synonymes to boy/man and one for synonymes to girl/woman. Add all the proper words you would find in a dictionary and all the words you use in your everyday language among family and friends (and be honest).

Boy/Man	Girl/Woman

I think you will be surprised over the result. And as you look at your list and count how many expressions you added, consider this: Are there more positive names than negative? What does the list tell you about how you regard people around you? The strangest part of it all is that what you wrote is most likely not conflicting the freedom of speech.

I embrace our democracy and the privilege it is to live in a country where we include and acknowledge individual differences, but it does not mean I don’t find it annoying.

Not expected guests

I have just been informed that what is going on in my house is rather outrageous! Relax, it is nothing bad (from my point of view) it is just not what most people (at least not here in Norway) consider normal. I never really thought about it before, but a neighbor of mine was rather indignant with it, on my behalf, when I told her about my dinner guests over Christmas holidays.

I am not very good at hosting dinner parties. I am not the kind of hostess who will plan for days and days (maybe even weeks) how to set the table, what kind of centerpiece to display, how to seat the guests, what to serve, when and how.

It does not mean I never invite people for dinner, or any other meal of the day. I do! I am just not very… proper. And I never really invite people; my guests are the drop in kind of visitors.

I just suggest they should come over later or, if they are already in the house, stay, for whatever meal is due.

It is not that I am unorganized or overly impulsive but I just don’t feel I have the time to plan events in advance.

When I am invited for dinner, coffee or any other sort of get-together which includes food, I do what every sincere and/or polite person do: I compliment the effort the host or hostess has made to make it a pleasant meal with nice surroundings in good company. I do not only compliment the effort: I honestly and truly appreciate the length they go to, in order to make me (and anyone else invited) feel welcome and at ease.

I love the feeling of being pampered and made a fuss about: To be a VIP.

My guests don’t get that treatment at all. That is: There have been special occasions, even in my life, when I have invited people to celebrate with me, and when you send a formal invitation there should be a planned setting, a menu and timing. I am not good at any of that, but I make an effort when making an effort is the right thing to do.

Anyway, the thing that upset my neighbor was I told her, in the course of a conversation, that I never really know how many will come when I invite someone.

For some reason, a few of my friends find it ok to bring extra guests. If I am lucky they call and tell me, but not always.

I think it has to do with my propensity to cook while my guests are seated around my kitchen table and we all talk. I like fresh food, and I like it to be newly made.

Besides, cooking a meal is far less time consuming than most think. If you have sharp knives, that is. A decent set of knives makes cooking both quick and more pleasant. And to show off throwing tomatoes in the air and see them split when hitting the knife is a good party trick. And some even point out they appreciate seeing me wash my hands every now and again.

I might even have brought it upon myself, as I suggested, at some point, that if you cook for 6 you might as well cook for 10. The mess is the same, you just need to add more vegetables and salads. And sharing a meal is so much nicer than to eat alone.

I like long meals with many people around the table and good humoured conversations. The food itself is not important.

I am not a gourmet, I make eatable food, but I do not think it is the food itself that makes people come. I think it is the knowledge we have a welcoming house. Not a house which is as tidy as I wish (newspapers and Lego have been known to be removed from the table as the guests sit down), and far from quiet, but a home where people are welcome…  as long as they approve of the less formal setting and a table without a stunning centerpiece.

It is not outrageous, as far as I am conserned, to me that is sharing togetherness.

I am a teacher

I am a teacher. I put it in writing for everyone to see, even if this is something I hesitate to say out loud in social settings.

To some this might seem like a strange manner, but there is a reason for my propensity to avoid the topic: Everybody has a story, a history or a reason to criticize what is going on in school. And even if this is 30 years back in time they feel it appropriate to let me know, even try to make me defend their own misbehavior, based on their own opinion of the situation at the time.

I have no urge to engage in these sometimes heated discussions. I try not to judge (but I do have thoughts on how I would have reacted in similar cases) and speak up. Maybe I should. I know that to lean back and merely listen might be misunderstood as being indifferent to what they tell me (and everyone in near surroundings who follow the conversation), but I am not. I just do not feel it is the time and place to correct or come forward as a smarty-pants in a setting where we should all feel good about ourselves and enjoy. I do not avoid discussions, I love to exchange views and believes, but not when I feel I might come down on somebody who is not totally oriented on the matter, but never the less have strong feelings towards it.

(Just now I revealed what a smarty-pants I actually am, didn’t I?)

I am proud of my job. I am proud of what I do in the classroom. I am proud of what results I get. But most of all I am proud of my students.

Young people of today have in many ways a tougher life than I had when being a teenager. Even if I was a teenager during the 80s when fashion, music, politics and strong ideals changed rapidly and often with great contrasts, I feel society demand a lot more of the young ones of today.

We often complain about teenagers and how they fail to follow through when it comes to what we expect them to engage in, whether it is schoolwork, chores, how to spend money, how to interact with others and many other aspects of life.

I somewhat feel that most of what we complain about is unfair.

They are so busy. They are always engaged with something (unfortunately not always what I tell them to engage in) and most often what they engage in are pretty serious matters.

They have strong feelings of loyalty to others, political believes, ideals, morals (yes; morals, not always my own choices of morals, but then again who am I to judge? I chose my own, it would be unfair to disagree with their choices), environment and materialistic issues. I even feel that they have reflected over their own future.

Through the years I have seen what they become, who they become and what success they will achieve. I hear about their victories and failings. I know that the boys I meet when they are 16 in most cases turn out to be great fathers, good partners and reliable providers for their families. Now, that is, to me, a great motivation to keep doing what I do. And when I run into them, years later, they tell me that they remember I was their teacher. And I have not yet experienced that was, to them, a bad thing. Not something they feel to hold against me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGCJ46vyR9o