Friends

Funny how one word can mean so different things to different people.

Not only does it mean different things to different people, but I put different meaning to the word depending on who I call a friend.

Because…. Well…. I know many will disagree, but I say it anyway, and I strongly believe it to be true: friends are different.

Some friends are those you bump into, catch up with and say:”We really need to get together some day…..” And you both leave feeling this was a good, unexpected chat, but you will not make priorities or make the effort to make the get-together happen. I like these uncomplicated friendly “friendships-on-hold”.

I still refere to them as friends, but they are not significant to my everyday life.

Then I have the ones who call to make sure I am at home before they come over. They expect the coffee or tea to be ready when they arrive, and preferably some biscuits or candy with it. They sit chatting for hours about their own life, their kids, their current boyfriend or forever spouse, their problems and their perfect life… and when they run out of issues and things to share they get into a hurry and have to leave.

I love these visits… I “mhm” and “oooooh?” in suitable intervals, and listen half-heartedly while I at times let my own thoughts wander inspired by what my friend is telling.

A couple of my friends are those who never call, never return a call and who I know never read my text messages… so I do not bother to neither call nor texting them (And as I write this, I realize we act the same way towards eachother; neglecting the other’s attempts to get in touch by mobile phone, but feeling it is as it should be).

When they come over, I never know in advance. They don’t knock or ring the doorbell; they just come into the house like a fresh breeze as they shout “Hello! It’s me! Anyone here?” They take control, put on fresh coffee, find a jug on their own, clear a chair or a sofa of whatever is occupying the seat they want, sit down and chit-chat about this and that. Everything from a cat having kittens to international politics is discussed, while I continue to fold clothes or do the dishes.

The way they feel at home makes my heart warm and thankful they feel like they belong in my house and home, and even though we don't interfere in eachother’s lives, we stay updated on what is going on with eachother, but it is the essentials in their person which is important.

We have no total control of what the other person is doing at all times. Some times we do not see each other for months, but we feel confident the other would drop everything and step up if either of us needed support. Never had to try the theory out, but there is total trust that neither of us will fail to be there 100% when rainy days come (and trust me: they will come, eventually).

Social medias online has opened up to different kinds of friendships. Some share their entire lives in detail through updating status on what they have for breakfast and what their kids are wearing. Others just send a casual “hi” and/or “bye”, and never expect nothing more than a “like” now and again. But they are good at sending birthday greetings and comment upon what I post myself. Strange how little things sometimes gives you the impression others actually do keep you in mind. At least the thought of me hovers in the back of their mind, and that is something to treasure too, right? The thought of people not being entirely indifferent to who I am and what I do is precious. Especially since I am really a very private and shy person.

Some you chat with. Some more often than others. You find compatible people with mutual values and interests and you get to know them regardless of what could have been obtacles if you ever met them in real life.

I so appreciate the input they have on issues and topics. It is like opening my mind to new approaches and less prejudice.

I have always thought that I was open minded, (a friend ones told me “she is black, you know” and I replied “She is?” and I meant it… yes, sounds like I am totally ignorant and dumb, but in that context I just didn’t see why that was an issue) but I realize I still have a lot to learn, thanks to social networks and medias. And I consider that a good thing.

It might have something to do with the fact that I realize time is in short supply for most people, me included. When someone takes  time to recognize me, gives me attention and adds something valuable to my person, I consider that a friend.