Sometimes I know better, but....

Under this posting you will find Lessons Life Taught Me by Regina Brett. I like them, they are thought through and cover most aspects of life, as well as being down to earth and achievable. Only thing is: lessons are something wise being taught, and you may both learn and understand what has been said and done, but it doesn’t mean you instantly embrace it as something you include in your life, or evolve and revolve your personal growth around. I understand that my truth is not quite like everybody else’s, and sometimes the good guidelines you get to lead a good life are not even compatible to your life.

Even though I appreciate how the lessons of old age can enlighten my own being, they don’t always appear very significant to me. Maybe I am just being stubborn and like to make my own mistakes, but still. How my many mistakes might have a negative impact on me, my circle and the world peace in general (always important to want world peace… and to pronounce you really wish for it in the future) is a totally different story.

As I was reading the list of lessons, it struck me how easy it is to find objections. It also struck me how strange it is for me to give in to the urge of objecting to what I deep down, in my heart of hearts, know is right. I refuse to believe I am the only one like that. We like to make our own mistakes, even though others have made the exact same mistakes, or made the same bad choices, and we know for a fact it never has a good outcome. We think we will do better than everybody else. The inherent belief in ourselves that we are in control of ourselves and our lives, is strong. We reject the thought of us being as weak as everybody else.

Another thing about lessons (being a teacher I know this is something which is hard to avoid, but which we all should be aware of and try to avoid) is how they often come across as a big NO. I wish I was better at saying YES.

We don’t like the feeling of someone pointing a finger at us. We want to be individuals; we want to be accepted for who we are even though very few of us dare to stand out and show who we truly are. I don't know why this is, why we pretend to be or act different than the way our instant instinct tells us to be and act... maybe we think we are better people doing so. It's just that it backfires, because all we accomplish is to feel and come across as fake. We can't pretend being someone we are not. Sooner or later we slip up and give ourselves away.

The need to be approved of is really strong!  

I am far from perfect, but it doesn’t mean I am a lost case, and I need for someone to tell me I am both ok and fine the way I am; flaws and everything. Same thing goes for my work, my looks, my taste, my choices…

Lessons Life Taught Me by Regina Brett

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
 

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1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time some time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.  

44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Regina Brett is a long-time columnist for Ohio newspapers (including the Akron Beacon Journal and the Cleveland Plain Dealer) who was a Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2009 for "her range of compelling columns that move the heart, challenge authority and often trigger action while giving readers deeper insight into life's challenges."

Ms. Brett is also the compiler of the above-quoted list of "life lessons," which was originally published in the Plain Dealer and has since become "the single most popular column ever written by Regina."

Contrary to the Internet-circulated version of Ms. Brett's list, however, she is not 90 years old. Regina Brett turned 50 years old in 2006, and on that occasion she updated her list of "45 life lessons" with an additional "5 to grow on." In a June 2009 blog entry, 53-year-old Regina Brett wrote about the Internet-created misperception that she is 90.

bygones and new beginnings

A couple of days ago someone posted this on his site:

“After 3 agonising years im finally goin to be reunited with my youngest boy after the ex came to her senses. Hes 7 now and im kinda scared but excited beyond belief. I guess after being abused by her husband for so long im not so bad afterall. Im really starting to think karma is a vengeful bitch that likes me for sum reason”.

I couldn’t let that be left undisputed. I really enjoy this guy’s being, mostly because there is something honest and logical in his predictable, yet utter, delightful madness. The kind you only find in creative men not afraid to display emotions, or speak of strong tangible impacts made on them… as long as what they say got a serious overdose of testosterone. I love that. I also see through it, when it’s not sincere.

I never comment on his postings. I think I would stand out in his crowd of 2224 friends, being too quirky, proper and reflected (or not impulsive enough, if you prefere) and different. But I sent a message saying:

“I have to say that at the end of the day, you may have a lot to say about the previous women in your life (well, they will always be in your life, though, because they mothered your children) you chose women who gave you very beautiful offspring”.

And the reply was short, yet told of a degree of appreciation to my opinion said in too many Words.

“Thank you ... wat a nice thing to say”

I decided quite some time ago not to hold grudges, life is too short for me to focus on petty things like that. I try to remember the whys and hows and the becauses. Sometimes you need to be mature enough to settle the score by expressing your willingness to declare matters for bygones be bygones. That’s it and that’s that.

You think it was a nice thing to say? Maybe, I meant it anyhow. The thing is: when everything is said and done, and you decide the last verbal lash has been thrown; every child deserves to know that at some point he/she was wanted, and that in the future there will be love and support, no matter what.

There isn’t much I appreciate more than when partners who split up eventually come to the point when they put dissensions aside and focus on making life easier on their children. I see kids who are torn every day, and it really isn’t pleasant. It is actually very hard.

I’m not only nice, you see. I also believe in spending time together with children, to talk polite when argue… especially when emotions rumble (and that really ticks most people off) and to ignore the flaws of others (I got too many myself to bother knowing them all).

An artist in Norway, Ole Paus, put it like this: “I am so brimful of errors that it's a shame. The Lord will have plenty more on his scribbling pad by the time I pass on. But he is probably more generous than his reputation suggests."

I think a lot of us should be grateful for that. More of us should probably pursue that kind of generosity. We would make life so much easier on ourselves and those we keep in our circle.

 

Telling the captivating tale.

The other day I spent some time sorting my digital photos on my laptop. I use an old, worn out Canon mirror reflex camera which I simply love. Only thing about it is I wish I had more lenses, but that is a minor drawback. It perpetuates the moments and the impacts I try to capture for the future.

I sorted the photos into folders, added comments and even added the photos taken with my mobile phone to the right folders. I had a good time sitting there, letting memories flood my mind. To capture the moment means that in the future you can be brought back to the past, remembering what life used to be like. (Could that be why so many these days find partners a LOT younger? Because they can’t hack reality and needs to hide in the past?)

I take different photos now than I did a few years back. I tend to capture people when they are not aware. I don’t take photos of people who pose or make funny faces. I like to think I capture more of their true self. I find my photos more beautiful now as well. I am not a great photographer, not by far, but I don’t behead every person I “shoot”.

As I was sorting the photos I came across a photo of a young, beautiful couple. They were newly married at the time, young and up to date. Looking at them brought back a lot of memories, not only of the two who posed holding arms around each other, but the situation as a whole. I was abroad at the time, very alone in a foreign country.

Since my recollection fails me at times, I was not certain if I had sent them the picture, so I looked up the man on facebook and sent him the photo in a message. He replied: “thank u for the pic , it's raise up a lot of memory .we sure look nice back then .”

It would have been great to have him in front of me then, as the reply made me wonder.

My personal opinion is that young people often are like blank canvases. Yes, youth is beautiful, not only because of the features, the boldness in showing your personality by the fashion you follow, the colours and the light mood which often beams from them. It is even more about the potential they hold in the mere notion of standing on the threshold of adult life. When you are young, yet old enough to make choices and form your own future. Nothing is too late; you got the world at your feet.

And yet, even though I think that, I can’t help but wondering why we don’t appreciate the looks of older people more. Especially here in the western world we go to quite some length to hide the trails of our lives, marked on our body and face.

When I was 18 I found 18-year old young men very attractive. Today, when I look at them, I can tell their potential, but they are not defined and show character. They don’t have the features yet, which I appreciate in a man’s look today. As for women I think it to be even more true.

It is like… the six powerful words by Ernest Hemingway.

Six powerful words
"Baby Shoes" by Ernest Hemingway

 

According to legend, Ernest Hemingway created the shortest short story ever told. While having lunch at New York City's famous Algonquin Round Table, Hemingway bragged that he could write a captivating tale -- complete with beginning, middle, and end -- in only six words.

His fellow writers refused to believe it, each betting $10 that he couldn't do it. Hemingway quickly scribbled six words down on a napkin and passed it around. As each writer read the napkin, they conceded he'd won. Those six words? "For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn."

While the anecdote may be apocryphal, whoever did write "Baby Shoes" has forced writers forever after to consider the economy of words. Today, the work has inspired countless six-word memoir and story competitions, proving that a story's brevity is no limit to its power.

(http://edition.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/01/16/mf.literature.hard.to.write/)

The older I become, the longer and more captivating the story “Baby shoes” gets. Same thing goes for people: The older they get the longer and more captivating their story is. And I find that absolutely beautiful.

A Year of Resolution

Now that the celebration of Christmas and New Year are over, I can finally exhale.

It is reasonable hefty to celebrate Christmas when I invite family, relatives and friends to compulsory dinner- and coffee gatherings. In a week you try to make up for all the social gathering we have no time to the rest of the year (even though we want to spend time together; it's not so that we avoid being together. It’s not like as if we get together in order to tell others how social we have been during the holidays), and we don’t thank no to an invitation; it is pleasant, although we could do with a day or evening of total “living on the fat of the land” on your own sofa after the hectic preparing for the holidays, to calm down.

Right now it feels good to start working again.

Christmas is the season to make a wish. We wish for all sorts of things, some want a plethora of things, while others want some better days than they usually have.
When you want something, it's usually a bit beyond one's own control, and it doesn’t always turn out great.

Now the time has come for bringing our New Year's resolutions to life. Promises we give ourselves that something is going to be different, and preferably better.

I remember one year I decided that it was time to start training. I wanted to oppose my longevity by getting in shape and tone up the decay life's wear and tear has caused my aging body. That turned out to be an incredibly costly affair. I do not think even Jennifer Aniston has ever had such expensive fitness classes.

I signed up for a membership at a gym, and stayed a member for over two years. During those two years I went twice to the gym. Each workout cost me a tidy sum of NOK 3150 , -
That, of course, I couldn’t keep up. It cost a lot more than it tasted, and it was ridiculous to stay a member just in order to say "yes, I am a member of a gym."

The lack of performance conspicuous by its absence was not good publicity for the gym, either. It was probably a win -win situation that cancelled the ongoing membership. (It was kind of sad, though, as it was the only thing going anywhere.)

My New Year's resolution used to be ambitious and sometimes high-flying, so I gave up having any. It was like everything was going to be so intense and perfectly sized. I do not know where I thought I'd find time and opportunity for them. It was so overwhelming that I delayed getting started to a day I was in better shape, which never came.

I am so lucky to be open minded, at times. I have no problem facing my own defeat and rearrange my priorities, in order to move on.
Facebook has many great groups you can join, and in one of these groups, I found the answer!  And it was so simple it was tragic.
Last Lent one of the groups started a "40 bags on 40 days" action. It was brilliant! During the 40 days of Lent  we should throw out one bag of garbage. A shopping bag is not so much, that is manageable. Even for me.
Now I moderated it a bit, I thought that since one of my greatest sorrows was that my house had depots of things I didn’t really need anymore, but that really was both nice, in good condition and useful. I decided to get rid of a bag of things or garbage every day.

So, every day I collected superfluous bits and pieces around the house in a bag. One day clothes were gathered and handed over to charity, another day it was just regular household trash. One day I went into the bathroom and thought "there must be something here that I can throw away? Something in here must be due for discarding." That day I collected three bags of trash: Empty bottles of shampoo, outdated makeup and creams which was expired (I got rid of a self-tanning cream which was out of date three years ago, and it was not even opened ).

This ongoing event was supposed to last for 40 days, but I continued doing it simply because it wasn’t time-consuming at all, and I saw the results. Now, approximately 300 days later, it has become a habit which I appreciate.
The house has never been this tidy. Depots of boxes standing around are gone, they are not likely to pile up again, and there is an infinite relief of my mind.
New Year's Resolutions...  I don’t have the self-discipline for that, but I have learned that I can keep up habits which are good for me and my surroundings. A tiny bit is infinitely more than nothing at all. Over time it becomes a lot, and eventually it becomes a big deal.