Happy new year, 2019

First of all: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And to you who read this: Thank you. Thank you for stopping by and read what I write.

It's close to midnight January 7, 2019. Already week 2, and it is clear I failed my resolutions with splendour this year as well.
I didn't do too good, before I went to bed on new year's eve I had already failed on at least three of my resolutions by watching a movie with my son, eating crisps, at 5am. Before I went to bed that is.
It was a nice bonding moment, but not good for sleeping habits, nor was it good for my plan of eating more healthy and less calories. By the time I should have gotten up, I went to bed, and missed out on percious me-time.

So another year was completed in history, another year was welcomed by bringing bad habits into the future.
New Year's Eve is always a day filled with serious thoughts. The year which passed by... How did I spend my time? Did I bring joy to anyone? Did I hurt anyone with my words? What did I do? What didn't I do? What should I have done?
The last day of the year is like an annual report on me to myself. Maybe not the best reference, but nevertheless food for thoughts.


2018 was a good year filled with really good experiences, celebrations, moments and days with family and friends. I cherish the ones I get to keep, and mourne those I have lost.
I have found joy in things my friends on social media have shared of their lives, art, photos, quotes and handcrafts. Stories and pictures from travels and everyday life. Discussions, both trivial wordings and more profound controversies. There is a silent satisfaction in knowing we can disagree and still be friends.

The year has given us sobering news and events from all corners. Disasters, war, misery and other alarming states we have inflicted on ourselves. I try to do my part when it comes to environment, but there is always a doubt in the back of my head: "Does it even matter?" We try to look away as we say someone else is to blame, but the truth has a way to make eyecontact, and I know that it all starts with us, not the politicians or important leaders of multi national companies. I am responsible for behaving in a manner which will make my world a better place. I am the one who needs to spend less, consume less and make sure my plastic and cans are disposed in a safe manner and not in the sea or the mountain.

Why must people fight and create war? Noone lives forever, what drives some to spend that measured time on finding enemies and inflict as much hurt as possible? What makes people capable of crushing people, cities, historic sites which has been standing for a thousand year? When did we lose the respect and knowledge of history?

The last of the year makes me think thoughts I wish I didn't feel I have to think. And yet, my thoughts wander and makes me look forward, to the future, and hopes and beliefs of new beginnings and other possibilities.

My hope for the New Year:
“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.
We leave you a tradition with a future.
The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete.
People even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw out anybody." ~ Sam Levensen


HAPPY NEW YEAR, I HOPE IT WILL BE YOUR BEST YEAR YET!

Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror (Official Video)

Something to think about.

New Year 2018

I don't know what 2018 will have in store for me, those I care for or anyone else for that matter. 
Only time will tell. It is like as if the thrill and the fright of the unknown future kicks in, just because this is the time of year that we stop and think about it. This is not just another day, this is when we enter the unknown future. Of course future is always unknown, noone knows what it will be like, but that is just life, right? Tonight we say "Thank you for the old year, and happy new year". 

I have no definitive resolutions. Can't say I'm going to do anything wonderfully different or magical. I can't promise I will be extraordinary or anything. I'm going to simply be a better me. To the best of my abilities I will keep doing the right thing, and live up to the values I admire in others.

I wish for others the same I wish for me. That you somehow, through any challenges, heartaches or obsticles you may have, be a happier and more successful version of yourself.
Make an effort to be the best version possible of you.


Life is both amazing and pretty cool sometimes.

Because as disappointing it may feel, we can not know true content or happiness until we get a taste of sadness, anger, grief, frustration, disappointment and failure; all of the tough emotions that shape our daily lives.


The good, bad, ugly and beautiful.
Roll with it and enjoy the ride. And when things get rough you find that core of inner strength you need to overcome.


And yet I wish for you that 2018, this New Year, brings you real happiness and joy.

Happy 10th birthday, Iphone.

On January 9, 2007, the late Apple CEO Steve Jobs walked on stage at the Moscone Center in San Francisco to introduce the first iPhone. "Today, Apple is going to reinvent the phone," Jobs proclaimed. The message was heard, but I am not sure they all understood.

It took a bit of glitches and crashes. It took some time, but Iphone shipped June 29, 2007. And Jobs was right: The smartphone changed everything.

"In 2001, we introduced the first iPod, and it didn't just change the way we all listen to music, it changed the entire music industry. Well, today, we're introducing three revolutionary products of this class. The first one is a widescreen iPod with touch controls. The second is a revolutionary mobile phone. And the third is a breakthrough Internet communications device. So, three things: a widescreen iPod with touch controls; a revolutionary mobile phone; and a breakthrough Internet communications device. An iPod, a phone, and an Internet communicator. An iPod, a phone...are you getting it? These are not three separate devices, this is one device, and we are calling it iPhone. Today, Apple is going to reinvent the phone, and here it is. No, actually here it is, but we're going to leave it there for now."
10 years later things have gone so far that many people I know, most of them, actually, check their phone so often it is quite annoying to others. Every 2.6 minutes I check on my own phone, it is just a swift discretion, but when others do it... well it feels very impolite as if I am the one to interrupt. I feel less important, I feel I bore whoever I talk to.

The phrase: "I have to take this", has become so common, people think it is quite acceptable. When they say it themselves, that is.

Back in the days, 10 years ago, evenings and weekends were time for family, friends, fun and relaxation. Those times have drastically changed with smartphones. Laptops, even, are old school. Now, we take our work (and problems) home with us where we continue working in between social media entertainment, dates, work outs, apps and games, and meals. We keep track on work late into the night, even when there has been no updates for the last 5 hours.

It's gone so far they in France found grounds to make a ruling: France gives workers 'right to disconnect' from office email. They found it necessary to protect people from their own madness. Working as a teacher I see young people adopting the smartphone lifestyle even more intense than my own generation, who grew up knowing other values.

It's a habit, a bad habit, people think everybody else has, and a lifestyle to a large extent expected in people who take their work, their distant and close friends, and leisure time, seriously.

To put the phone away is so difficult it hurts. We have mobile hotels in our school. Designed safekeeping boxes where the phone should be placed during lessons. My students never get used to it. They keep trying to not hand the phone in, making all kinds of excuses, just to keep the phone near. They tell me they will keep it in their pocket... when I tell them that since they are not going to check on it, or use it, it might as well be kept in the mobile hotel. They are very reluctant, and not happy about it at all.

It has gone so far our comfort zone depend on knowing where the phone is at all times, and to really know where it is, it has to be so close you can see it and hold it at all times. It seems like our phones are attached to our hips and hands at all time, or put next to the laptop or dinnerplate on the table in plain sight.

We reach for our phone when we’re bored, busy, waiting in line, sitting at a stoplight, on the bus, or pretty much whenever we have a free second. Not only that, but to watch a movie with family and friends is just a lost cause. The cozyness is taken out of the experience by their multitasking on their phone and tablet while watching the movie. Or at least care enough about the movie to ask what happened every ten minutes.

According to a study by MobileInsurance.com, the average person spends 90 minutes a day on their phone, which equals to 23 days a year and 3.9 years in their lifetime. 90 minutes we refuse to acknowledge being disconnected from the present realtime.
After all, a snap, a message, a quick scroll takes no time at all.

We check our mail and social media in fear of what we might find, and even bigger fear of what we might miss out on. Actually we don't miss out on anything, but we are afraid that if we do not respond in expected or appropriate way within really short time, somebody might get insulted, and we could suffer consequences.... like less likes next time we post one of our 15 selfies the next day.

We check our email and social media even if we know there is nothing new but we do it anyways to find that quick shot of dopamine to make us feel temporarily better. Resent research found we get a kick out of We open another game of Candy Crush so we will look busy and not lost. We pretend to be with friends while looking at some stranger's new posting on instagram or flickr.

Maybe the innovation of the smartphone was a good thing. It is a handy tool for communication, that's for sure. You can even call someone with the device. But when I scroll through my phone, and look at my apps, I realize my entire life is tracked and evaluated. My recipes, my alarms, my game score, my calendar, my work out, my work, my music, my money and my spending... 

The apps launched feed the development of 10 new apps we really need to download.
I think it's time to get real. To cut back on the infatuation and obsession, and return to real life with real friends. Friends with bad breath from today's garlic lunch and the most catching laughter there is. 


It's time to reduce the smartphone to what it is: marvellous, handy and diverse, but seriously getting out of control.

We need to take back control of our time. We need to set our priorities straight; at the end of the day decide what is truly important to us, and then spend our time accordantly.

Yes, happy birthday smartphone. You really changed everything, indeed.

Slander; an ongoing story

Lately I have found myself trying really hard not to remember my days as a student, from middle school through high school. I didn't mind my teachers, but I can't remember I, at any given time, was given extra attention, either. I did well in school, and the extra exercises just kept coming my way. I remember both my teachers and the extra work very well.

I thought I had friends, not many, but I thought at least a few liked me. Now that I am an adult I fully understand how mean the other kids were. Never in an obvious or physical manner,
even though I did get into a fist fight with a boy I thought was my best friend.

I remember being tough and calling him a silly name trying to punch him in his stomach, but when he couldn't see me anymore I cried.

Somehow I think the teachers knew, they just didn't know what to do. I never got into any 
trouble for standing up for myself, even in desperate ways.

One time we had a party at school for 5th and 6th grade. We were 18 students in total. Only two of us were an audience when the other 16 gave a performance miming with playback, to one BoneyM hit after another.

I remember middle school being confusing, and hard. My life was challenging to begin with, the talking behind my back, their planning parties in secret and then let me know in detail after, the grown ups' indiscressions... it was all more convenient to ignore.

Some time in my late teens I tried to go see the worst rumormonger as much as possible, hoping it would limit her. It didn't. It got worse. On New Years Eve, she invited a lot of friends for dinner, and I was supposed to show up after they had finished eating. Unfortunately dinner wasn't finished on time, and I arrived in the middle of their dessert.I remember being blamed for ruining their meal. I just didn't know I wasn't really invited for the party.

There was this understanding between them to operate on the fine line between friendship and excluding me from the special events.

One time the conductor for the tensing choir introduced a new song. He played the song "Love of another kind" by Amy Grant, then asked who was brave enough to be lead singer. I was pushed forward, and I heard them giggle. So I decided not to make a scene, but to prove them wrong. And I did.

I have recordings, and know I am right when I say I did a good job.

Every day I am grateful we moved away and let our children grow up surrounded by nontoxic people. Even though it was work situation which caused the move, it was a blessing. I was so nervous thinking about my oldest son maybe should go to the same school I did, I often felt trapped, just like I did when growing up.

I can't remember anybody ever asking me if I was ok, if I felt sad, or if I needed anything. They never encouraged me... they weren't up front and told me not to bother them again, either. Guess they needed me to blame, perhaps. Or for conversation material.

As we all grew older and called ourselves adults, one should think the story would end. It didn't.

I was chairman of the board in a kindergarden, and had to tell one of the staff (who happened to own the facility) she could not arrange a party in the kindergarden serving alcohol, but she could arrange a party in her private basement (yes, same location) after working hours.

I felt like such an idiot after, when I was told I was petty and jealous, just because I was the only woman between 20 and 30 in the village not invited.

Eventually I stopped trying and just accepted they didn't want me there. I did both them and myself a huge favour getting out of there. Moving to a place with true people, who accept you are what you are, and you do what you do, and you are still worth getting to know.

I have a lot of issues, but I realize more and more how I am not the only one.

My friend (yes, I have a friend I trust) says it is funny we became such good friends, because during the first three years of our friendship I never shared anything personal with her. She didn't know anything significant about me, and that is what she took to in me, because that is what she is like too.

We both have issues from decades back.
So, getting older, mature and work for years and years in your field of profession as teacher, nurse, AD, secretary or.... or.... whatever profession you may think of, one should think the story ends, right?

It doesn't.

When I go to see my parents in the village where I grew up, nobody greets me or stop to chat or catch up. It's like the notion of exaggerated rumors and talking behind my back hovers over me like a dark cloud of guilty silence.

A couple of months ago, my husband received a message on messenger. The message was (translated): "Could you tell her we are having a reunion? 30 years since we completed secondary school. (The name of a different classmate) is arranging the event."

I thought I had forgiven and forgotten. But getting this message from my husband made it all come back to me. I have forgiven. Nobody asked my forgiveness, but to me it was important not to let hurt feelings run my life... and yet they do. The insecurity and hurt I remember from back then, rushed over me before he had even read the message through.

I can't say I felt invited. I felt as if he was told to inform me they were having a reunion.

He replied by sending her a message giving my contact information.

A few weeks ago, my husband received another message saying: "The reunion will be September 24. Enlist ASAP."

No information on to whom or how to give notice.

I still don't feel invited... perhaps even less now that I know they have my contact information.

There is no attempt to get in touch with me. There is no hint I will be welcome if I go.

If anything, it feels worse now, because this time they know what they do. This time there is no question about the deliberate thought behind their way of conduct: They chose to not contact me or really invite me, in spite they have no clue who I am, how I am or what I am today.

I will never know the extent of the stories and characteristics given of me. I can only speculate, but I know some, and that some is more than enough.

It's like a snowball impossible to slow down or crush, because it feeds off how words and stories catch the next even more scandalous one.


Then again: remember this is my side to the story. This is how my memory brings back thoughts on my past.

Maybe I was the terrible one, the one impossible to talk to or go on trips with.

Regardless my flaws: feelings can not be argued, because they are real. Your hurt and misery can not be disputed.

The nights I stayed awake, or cried myself to sleep, they happened.

And some day, maybe, I will be as strong about this as I am about everything else in life. I will do what I today do on behalf of others and confront them. Ask them what I did wrong.

But not this reunion.

This time I was caught off guard. I forgive, but won't forget. And I will be prepared and ready.

Maybe it turns out silence is the best defence and payback after all.
Or maybe I should just write about it.

Letting myself down is tough.

I have become who I definitely would never be. It is so annoying. Not only have I turned out to be someone I dislike, I also failed to mould myself into a perfect triumph. You know, maybe not perfect, but perfect for.... well, me.

There was this plan, in my head I would be different from what I was forced by circumstances to be when I was young.

As an adult I would be bold, wild, vast and free, and because I had the choice to be all that, I would be happy with where I at all times were.

That is not at all how I turned out to be. Maybe I was before, maybe I'll be again, but right now I am just discontent and ungrateful. Oh, I felt my eyes twitching right now.

I sulk over whatever I find unpleasant in my life. I accept being a pathetic shadow of who I deep down believe I am.

In spite of knowing this I don't deal with my present, I ignore my hidden resources. I don't ignore and raise above the trifle hickups which serve as pebbles in my shoes. I don't face up to, or do anything constructive to make me capable to gather enough energy to turn my grumpyness around.

The sad part of it all is that to blame everything and everybody other than myself is like an instinct in me when I am frustrated. My best defence and excuse is to acquit myself.

Of course I know that at the end of the day my discontent is nobody else's fault but my own, but I don't like to recognize my own failures. Maybe I have too many, maybe I would be overwhelmed by my shortcomings, maybe I just happen to like living in a bubble of artificial selfconfidence: "It's not me, it's you!"

I would have to do some admissions and introspections to change my mood and point of view, which I'm not ready to do, yet.

Instead of admitting to I should show more engagement, initiative and interest, I wrap myself in self pity and rest my case in blaming uncontrolled circumstances.

That's really not who I am. I know what made me like this, and yet I avoid taking grip of my life.

Steve Harvey has repeatedly stated that to be successful you need to jump.

When you jump, you take a leap of faith, and place yourself into that insecure state of "the unknown".

It's been too long since I acted or placed myself out of my comfort zone. I used to be good at it when I was younger.

Now I have too many good reasons to stay where I am at.

I am aware of the fact that inside the comfort zone nothing happens; we deal with same old because we know what we have, but not what we might have.

The minute you do something out of normal, something extra ordinary will happen. Funny thing about extra ordinary: it's usually very good! Extra ordinary brings something new and by that also the possibility to adjust to a better situation. Yet, I (like most others) still try to avoid it.

I used to think that each their own forger of a good life. To be honest: I still believe that is true, but back then my strongest characteristic was to be creative.
My life was veiled in colours, sounds, actions and design. Hah, as induvidual and free I would like to call my past self, I was the typical, average creative person. Such an oxymoron, isn't it; to put creativity traits in a box.

Today, after pondering on my own discontent, I realized something important: I gave in a while back. Some time along the way I settled for good enough, rather than chasing my dreams. I suppressed a lot of my creativity blaming the stress mess I was caught in.

I am a quiet, calm person. It doesn't mean I'm not opinionated. I used to be a champ at achieving my goals.

By that I mean I thought I was chasing and achieving my goals.

What I was really doing was getting an education, a lot of it! I took so many degrees nobody will hire me now. I am too qualified, with tons of formal qualifications, tons and tons of prior learning experience, but no formal leader experience documented on paper. Still, I have the skills, habits and conduct of a leader.
I am too educated to be employed as a teacher in a new school now; I am too expencive. I am stuck where I work today. How pathetic is that?

The minute I got a family of my own, my goal was to create a happy and safe home for my family.
I went to the extremes and even planned what to do to maintain my kids' lifestyle and standard if my husband died. And I planned how my passing away will not affect their way of life too much.

Growing up I learned nobody must know. Some secrets you keep, so that others can have dignity and pride. If I was on top of things, I could prevent bad things to happen to others.

I did the expected thing and created a solid home for my family, while covering every possible outcome of disaster.

Now a lot of people are no longer part of, or even in, my life. In addition my young ones are more independent than they were. I have been a toddler's mom for 19 years. Getting used to I am not needed as much anymore, is hard to do.

A silent major change has taken place, and I didn't pay attention. Instead of becoming a freer person, I find myself in a position where I confuse opportunities lost with opportunities found.

The funny thing is: everybody else in my circle are really content. They really appreciate having the opportunity to choose freely what they want to make of themselves, and what to do.

So why am I stuck in the habit of limiting myself? Why do I feel my interests, wants and needs are not important enough to pursue?

My pondering made me realize that it's not reality which keeps me in a state of thinking how my actions will affect others in bad ways. There are no reasons why me changing focus should in any way give other people a hard time.

In my mind I create discussions on weather or not I should do something; if it is safe or not to change something because it would feel, look or perhaps work better. Often it's a matter of improving things, not repair them because they need fixing.

It's in many ways the same procedure I go through when it comes to throw something away; I deal with each item and detail as if it is of major importance, even though I deep down it isn't. The urge to keep, just in case I maybe need it some time in the future, is strong and inherited from my mother. (Yes, I blame her. She grew up during the war, and knows how to make use of what you have, and then recycle.) I know this, and yet it is so hard to ignore the voices telling me to keep it, keep it!

One of my all time wants, is to travel. I don't feel I get to travel and explore new places the way I want. Our family vacations tend to be a lot about amusement parks, water parks and beaches. Not my favourite cup of tea.
I would rather walk through an unknown village, discovering their ways and style. I would like to walk through a museum in my own pace and noone to call my name or tug my sleeve. I want to not eat at McDonald's. I want to sip to a glass of white wine, while watching people and reading a book.

By the time I have thought through my reasons why I should go for a long weekend by myself, and the importunate, more pressing reasons why I shouldn't, my kids have picked up on my intensions and tell me they want to go too, because there is a football match they really want to see live. And I feel awful about letting them down, leaving them or for some other reason start to doubt it is a good idea for me to go on a sole journey.

I know I think all this, and I know I am wrong. I am certain my family would really understand and condone my modest weekend of self fulfillment.

It's hard to be a loser. You get to the point when you expect to face another failure. I think maybe it's time I stop letting myself down.
Then, being a grumpy, old woman would be something I was in the past, and I would be the happy woman, in the best of ages, I truly am.

The Joy of Social Media.

Social medias. I remember when I had my first encounter with social media, we just didn't know that was what it was. I came across an online chat, by chance, and got in touch with a shy and modest journalist in the USA, with a remarkable sense of telling a story, and a generous attitude towards my petty English.

One of the many exciting and thrilling things about social media is how we connect, how consistently we are in touch with friends, friends' friends, relatives we never met in real life, family and others we may have some sort of relationship with, or have mutual interests with.
We have such a strong bond to these online friends, that we tend to ignore those we talk to face to face once the phone beeps. If polite they say "Right, just a sec, I just have to check my phone". Most often they just don't bother to say, they just disconnect from the conversation to stay instantly updated with their online happenings.

It is common knowledge how protective we get about our social media life, and I know of many employers who would really like to make meetings mobile free zone. They just haven't built up enough courage to announce the demand... as of yet.

Once upon a time people were able to go to bed without their phones and tablets. Those days are long gone. And we complain about not getting enough sleep, while paying attention to the different sounds each notification will make as soon as another sleepless virtual, online friend posts another posting about the agony it causes that he or she just can't sleep.

Communicating with friends and family used to be a time consuming chore.
It is possible to do without social media at hand, but if there is a distance, you can hook up without getting expencive phone bills. Because it's free! At least to create a profile.

And the best part: you can respond or react to whatever approach they make, when it feels convenient.
I mean... come on, family and true friends will always be there, right? There is no reason to put them on the priority list as "Get-Back-To-ASAP!" You get back to them as soon as you have "liked" your neighbor's sister's new purse, which she posted a picture of 3 minutes ago, on snapchat, facebook, instagram, flickr and twitter.

·You can be updated on news in general from papers and other newsagents, but there's no need to cut down a tree to let me read the headlines in 9 different newspapers. There is no need to remember when radio or TV broadcast their news either. I get to see whatever news I like at any time; The latest news from Syriah, or the reality show currently the talk of the town.

You can easily send documents, pictures and video clips to friends…. Classmates even. Always online, and ready to open whatever shortcut to wisdom of life you sent their way. A quote, a picture or a spark to the inherent curiosity we have in people. When we are lucky, we receive a legal reason to spy and gossip. Some times scandals are revealed, other times we get to see happiness and beauty displayed, like only social media can.

Or, you can do what I do: reach out to people writing about your life, your opinions and how you see the world.
The only thing is: These days, writing from your heart, the original text, with your thoughts put into words is probably the most personal thing you can do.
No nude picture leaves you standing there exposed to the same degree as your version of the truth does.

· .

Change

Change. It's a mighty word when you think about it; ever so easy to say but you need to put thoughts, effort and consistency into it to make it last.
Funny isn't it, to make change last; it's such an oxymoron just to say that, and yet it is true.

It's much like love, in that respect. We tend to love this and that all the time, and the bar is low; we love chocolate, we love the beach, we love potatoes, we love our family (most of the time)... At the end of the day it turns out that the minute we involve somebody else in our love circle, love becomes more complicated. Then love imply some sort of obligation, commitment and conditions.
To put it short: When you love somebody else, and no longer just yourself and your own likings, and you appreciate others, you need to make changes to maintain that love.

Anyway. We experience small changes and bigger changes, they all have in common that changes make things different.
The reason we want changes is, after all, we are not completely happy about the way things are, so different must be good then, right?
I am not quite convinced, because I myself have things I would like to change in my life, but... and there is a huge but: There is a reason why things are how they are. There is a reason why I don't find everything in my life perfect: after everything is said and done, after all my excuses for not having made things better, the reason why days go by the same manner they have is that I am stuck in a comfort zone. And that is a good, safe place to be.

I need  a few changes in my life. Funny I think that, because I have found people are less demanding than I think they are. But the changes I want are more about the fact that I feel I do what I think other people expect me to do, rather than doing what I want to do.

Women have this pressure they think they are supposed to want more, that they should want better and have higher standards. Just look at the magazines written for women: they are written to your future, perfect you.
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" ~John Lennon~
Still true, I think. We plan for the future, and not for here and now, and what we did plan for now is forgotten in the chanse for what will be next, so we chase for the future and don't stop to think.

I made a few searches online, go get some inspiration on how to make changes happen.
They write boldly about how it is you and how you are which is important, and then, by the flip of a coin they continue by telling you to change your looks, get fit, and eat healthy. Changing turns out to always become a quest for fitting into a norm. A standard set by strangers, who couldn't care less about you as an individual.

That's just it, isn't it? You should look at where you are, because where ever you are is where you are at. And if where you are at, is not where you want to be, then you need to think carefully and find out where you want to be in life.

Life brings you blessings, but it also hits hard. One blow after another makes you feel trapped in changes you had no saying in. And those changes are so very hard to deal with. It's like they put you off from taking part in the adventures which could have been. These changes are bad, because when we don't know what to do we tend to do the wrong thing. The urge to act then and there is so intrusive we see them as problems which have to be solved rather than opportunities to do the unexpected but right thing.

But then, on those rare occasions, you experience timing so perfect it's hard not to believe it was meant to be.

At the end of the comfort zone is where changes, and life, happen.
Another thing I found online is that as soon as somebody brings up changes, they talk about it as if you live in a bubble where only you exist. They make it all about you, your needs and you spending money to make things change.

Real life isn't like that. For most of us being that selfish is bad.
Most of us have people in our lives which we are accountable to. We can't just sign out and disregard people in our life. We all have people we care for, love and are responsible for.
They don't drop everything to watch you find yourself.

So, is it impossible to change? To make things, life, different?
No, but you have to find out where you are now, who is there with you, and then look at your goal and find those small twists worth the while, because they will give you the pleasure of stop feeling the pain from all the memories and emotions you were deprived of.

Maybe your twist is start drinking water instead of soft drinks. maybe it is writing job applications (the hardest part about that is preparing yourself to the possebility you might have to leave your coworkers and find your role at another workplace) and send them off. Maybe your twist is to walk or bicycle to work or school. maybe it is getting up an hour early and swim in the morning, or join cooking classes. Not just to get fit or anything, but more to break out and see new, friendly faces. Then you control the change in your life.

We should not fear changes. Those inflicted upon us are opportunities, those we make happen are spending the moment doing something now to move along.

Change should not be a lot of hard work. Better never is. It is the beginning of another wanted adventure.

Home

I was walking my dog the other night, like I do every night. It was so freezing cold every step on the ground gave a loud creak. The snow we got two nights before, had frosen into this moonlit glittering duvet which seemed to have tucked in the entire world.
This very late, most windows had that warm glow they get, when it's cold outside and so very comfortably warm inside. Others had turned lights down, but I could see the blue flikkering lights from a TV. Some were asleep.
Like the eyes are the windows to one's soul, the windows are the spy holes into a home.
A home is so private. What we call home is where we feel we belong.

Looking at them, as I walked by, bringing a broken silence to the night, I found myself in soaring thoughts about how, in all of these houses and apartments, people have decided to live and nest. They have surrounded themselves with colours and things they love. Valuables, memorabilias, sensible and smart tools, device and equipment, rubbish and just... stuff.
They have all chosen their style and standard, or lack of thereof. Every home is where somebody returns to after going away. That is where they belong and create their life.

Like thoughts often do, they wandered. They wandered to my parents, who no longer can live in their own home. And I thought about how we all refuse to let them mourne their home.
We ignore the sadness, and keep telling them that where they are now is just brilliant, so easy to clean, so perfectly downsized, so bright and modern... It's all very convenient and efficient, but it's not home.

Some of their things they found space for, most are left behind, in a home they probably never get to visit again. They are sad that where they fought and made up, brought up their children and grandchildren, worked hard and played hard is now abandoned. Not counting much to anybody, except in the stories we tell. It has become a treasured memory.
And we forget how important we find our own home, how worthy of huge expences when we find it's time to reorganize and redecorate.

I know people who on regular basis throw all their accessories and ornaments out, and replace it with current modern style.
I know people who cherish everything they have brought into their house, and refuse to change anything, except for adding another piece of toiletpaperroll art, carefully created by a familymember at kindergarden or school.
I know people who keep their home a showroom, and I know people who live and let live in their home.

I thought about how I left my own home, as I rushed out the door to let the pacing dog do his thing: Starwars lego was carefully lined up at the coffee table, unfolded socks piled up at the dining table,,, I do hope they are all pairs this time, the cushions in the sofa scattered about and notebooks, belonging to subjects like science, French, English, maths, religion... carelessly left on where ever was a free spot at the time homework was done. I thought about my dreams of how I would furnish my house, and how it turned out. It doesn't refect my taste, but it does reflect my heritage and where we come from.

My home is lived in, I wish it was more of a showroom, but I have this solid belief there is a difference in untidyness: the kind we create by doing stuff, and the kind created because we don't care.
I care... I just don't have the capacity to nag all the time.
Instead I am going to appreciate more I have a home, and am allowed to live there.

Grateful I know underestimated pleasures.

I am not a typical material girl, I don't think I am high maintenance either, but I have discovered the importance of pampering myself.
When I stumble upon a situation where I can find a tiny hint of pleasure I make the most out of the opportunity. No matter what stress mess I am in, I slow down and just indulge myself in the bliss offered.

In other words: pleasures in my life.

A few of my favourite moments of pleasure, in no particular order:

• Fresh, cool and clean sheets. (Yeah, I know. It pops up everywhere as an underestimated pleasure, yet we all change them way too infrequently.)
• A glass of cold, fresh and clean water. Better even: a glass of cold water with a couple of slices of lime and ice cubes in it.
• Eating berries off the brush.
• When the bus is on time, and so am I.
• Watching my kids sleep. (No, it's not creepy, just utterly peaceful.)
• Cheese with friends. And then a tasteful wine to swallow it down with.
• Watching, listening or reading, and noone tugs your sleeve.
• Traffic jam, but you know a shortcut, a legal one!
• Drinking a hot mug of coffee. Preferably while sitting at the front porch.
• Comfortable shoes.
• Picking flowers.
• Listening to the silence.
• Chocolate!
• A good hair day.
• A rowing boat, a rod and calm sea.
• Time on my hands.
• Laying in bed listening to a storm.
• Mail which is neither a bill, nor commercial.
• Candle lights.
• A smile and "Good morning" greeting.
• Walks
• .... and I am sure there are more. 

Read further under the picture.

Pluviophile - A lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

• The things Marcus Aurelius was thinking of when he admonished us to “remember Nature’s inadvertence how it has its own charm, its own attractiveness.” His 14 virtues are still valid, I think. When they come naturally, that is. When they are an act, there is nothing more deceitful and ugly.

His list dates to 170 AD,  so this is really old stuff, and even though our pleasures may be slightly more modern and up to date, the truths beneath them (and their accidental or unintended beauty) remain the same.

-Auctoritas - "Spiritual Authority" - The sense of one's social standing, built up through experience, ---Pietas, and Industria.
-Comitas - "Humour" - Ease of manner, courtesy, openness, and friendliness.
-Clementia - "Mercy" - Mildness and gentleness.
-Dignitas - "Dignity" - A sense of self-worth, personal pride.
-Firmitas - "Tenacity" - Strength of mind, the ability to stick to one's purpose.
-Frugalitas - "Frugalness" - Economy and simplicity of style, without being miserly.
-Gravitas - "Gravity" - A sense of the importance of the matter at hand, responsibility and earnestness.
-Honestas - "Respectability" - The image that one presents as a respectable member of society.
-Humanitas - "Humanity" - Refinement, civilization, learning, and being cultured.
-Industria - "Industriousness" - Hard work.
-Pietas - "Dutifulness" - More than religious piety; a respect for the natural order socially, politically, and religiously. Includes the ideas of patriotism and devotion to others.
-Prudentia - "Prudence" - Foresight, wisdom, and personal discretion.
-Salubritas - "Wholesomeness" - Health and cleanliness.
-Severitas - "Sternness" - Gravity, self-control.
-Veritas - "Truthfulness" - Honesty in dealing with others.

And then I found this:

• To relieve stress must be a pleasure too, I think. It's just another of those pleasures we don't pay attention to, unless we go to some luxurious spa or a therapy session.

When we lead a stressful life, we have two options: we try to keep up, or we crack up.

Most of us wear ourselves out by trying to keep up the pace, do what we have to do and appear to be on top of things. We forget that to force ourselves to slow down and take time to charge the batteries saves stress; time even.

Now that I think about it, most of the points on my list have something to do with stress relief. 

At least to me they do.

One Whiff Of These 10 Scents Can Relieve Stress Almost Instantly

1) Lemon


Promotes concentration and allows the mind to calm especially when angry, anxious or very exhausted. Lemon boosts the body’s immune system, improving circulation and is known to reduce anxiety and depression.

2) Cinnamon


The stimulating properties in cinnamon can help fight mental fatigue and improve concentration and focus. Researchers from Wheeling Jesuit University studied participants and found that those who took a whiff of cinnamon improved in cognitive functions like visual-motor response, working memory and attention span.

3) Lavender


Lavender helps calm the mind and body almost instantly. But perhaps its most useful benefit is its ability to help treat insomnia. This essential oil has calming ands sedative properties that help control emotional stress. Lavender has a soothing effect on nerves and can relieve nervous tension and depression as well as treat headaches and migraines.

4) Rain


After a rainstorm, especially a rain storm that breaks a long dry spell, the world smells different.

The clean scent after a rainfall is partially caused by ozone cleaning away some of the scents we take for granted.

The smell of rain can literally relieve stress and improve your mood by over 60%

5) Fresh Cut Grass


Scent researchers found that a chemical released by a newly-mowed lawn can make people feel joyful and relaxed. The smell apparently is so powerful thatneuroscientists came up with a perfume and air fragrance that matches it so the lawnless can also reap the benefits of the feel-good scent.

6) Peppermint


Try peppermint when brainstorming. An energy booster, this scent invigorates the mind, promotes concentration and stimulates clear thinking.

Smelling peppermint is linked to greater cognitive stamina, motivation and overall performance.

7) Vanilla


In a study published in the Proceedings of ISOT/JASTS 2004, researchers found that taking a whiff of vanilla bean elevated participants’ feelings of joy and relaxation. The results were measured through mood mapping, which included emotions ranging from happiness and stimulation to apathy and irritation.

8) Rosemary


The stimulating effect of rosemary may enhance certain aspects of mental function. People who work in rosemary-scented cubicles have better long-term memory than those who worked in unscented cubicles. Rosemary improves long-term memory, alertness and has properties that fight physical exhaustion, headaches and mental fatigue.

9) Pine


Pine decreases anxiety and alleviates stress. In one Japanese study, participants who went on a walk through pine forests reported significantly lower depression and stress levels. The research also discovered that anxious subjects had a greater feeling of relaxation after indulging in the scent.

10) Jasmine 

Like lavender, jasmine it is also used to calm nerves, but this oil is also commonly used as an anti-depressant because of its uplifting capabilities that produce a feeling of confidence, optimism and revitalized energy.   (This article appeared first at Prevent Disease)

I don't know anything about the science behind how those scents affect us, but I do know I totally agree!

(Just think about what it feels like to get that christmas tree indoors (the real thing, not a plastic replica), straighten your back and inhale; Pure therapy.)

Seems to me I have a good life filled with pleasures. I just need to appreciate them more. And be more grateful.