Timeless, timed, forever music?

I don't know what I would introduce to my life, if music didn't exist. To me music is essencial. Music absorbs my senses; sets the rhythm to my body, life and thoughts, as if it keeps me going, alert and present.
The feeling of a roar tingling down my spine makes it physical.

It is hard to explain how music compliments your heartbeats. How it throws a blow at you, and strikes you right to the the core of your body, soul and mind.
And then I experience the times when I curle up inside with dislike, or I cringe in fright. But hey, those are emotions too, right? It can still be great music, just not my taste then and there... or ever.

It's so hard to explain how music compliments my heartbeat, how it strikes me right to the core of my body, mind and soul.

You can always tell, can't you, who sings and performs music and lyrics which are significant and important to them.
When what you hear is that genuine, you recognize a part of who you are in that music.

Then you have those who perform and/or sing music which follows the predictable recipe. The designed music, made for alternative purposes... like making money.

Impact from my surroundings and my situation at any given time, creates a jumble of chaotic impressions which rumble and disturbs me, it's a "thing" I have. When I feel challenged, music allows me to gather myself and sort my mind out. It gives me the calm I need to focus on how to stay present.

I often struggle to ease my mind, and use a lot of energy to stay sound. Music helps to settle my mind. Regardless of genre, music boost my energy. That's probably why I think of myself as a liker of all kinds of music, but most often what I listen to is chosen by my mood.

It's almost funny, when you think of it, how music can adjust, direct or enhance your mood. I think music affects all of us, some more than others, though, but still.

It's common knowledge, too. It's not something I make up. If you google Shopping music, you get a vast number of hits. Even soundtracks especially designed for malls. One site like that states:

"The shopping experience should be a pleasant one. Our talented DJs have designed this background music playlist to entertain your diverse range of clients while they visit your store or eat at your restaurant." 

We like to be entertained, and my guess is that we stay longer and buy more when there's music played. In addition music makes us associate to a lifestyle, a mood or a memory which triggers and push our feelgood buttons. The movie industry is really clever at this.

Music serves as a motivator when I need to be inspired to do chores, work , exercise or just relax when I am worn out and tired.

Cleaning the house without dancing with the mop would be an gigantic hurdle. In fact, I am not sure I would clean the house as often and as well if I could not turn up the volume and be accompanied with driving rhythms.

And then we have remembrance; Those tiny pieces of glimpses from life; good, bad, happy or sad, whether it deals with feelings or thoughts, events or people from the past, which is often triggered by what I hear or experience through music. I really enjoy hearing something that is entertaining, but it is even more fun to hear something I haven't listened to in a while and remember the people I was with, or that were in my life, at the time I last heard that particular song.

The way we express music has from the beginning of time, been determined by the instruments, the technology and present talent available.

Or, talent is a bit off... some time along your lifespan a talent stops being a talent and becomes great, skilled... or even genious. To be declared a talent your whole life can't be very inspirational. I think I would have been pretty disappointed if I never really were considered good at what I really knew, and performed, well.

Funny thing about the difference between a talent, a great talent and to be good, great or bad, is just that: To be great you have been determined to have full-fledged your potential... but keeps up the curiosity, the exploring and the willingness to try out what comes next.
A talent is, by the very nature of the expression, aspiring yet not complete in finding your sound..

For some reason there is an expression called "timeless music". I don't know why, to me that is a strange expression because it points towards the future, rather to the past. Timeless is like referring to the unknown, because only time will tell if it can stand the standards we don't know yet. Musical timelessness happens when two factors are involved: originality (or innovation) and a personality that's very hard to replicate, but it is worth a try.

Even though the notes are the same; have been for hundreds of years, you can still recognize the time the notes were put together to a melody.
Mozart was the rock star of his time, and today listening to his music gives us a sensation right here and now, while we accept it was created way back then.

Even when Ekseption made their versions in the 70s, it's still music we identify as music from second half of 1700s. It was probably controversial back then, but to us it is what it is.
A modern setting doesn't change it. Same thing with Dan Mumm: music composed in the past, performed today.
Some like it, others think it's disrespectful. And that's all fine.

We are supposed to have our very own perseption, and opinion, on music.

Art is always a product of its time. It will always hold aspects sprung from impacts given at the time of creation.
Music will too.

I guess what I am trying to say is that music, like any other artform is put together at a set time, but will forever give the listeners a tune to their spirit.

So how is the music you embrace doing today? Timeless or timed? Will you bother listening to it next month?
I have always thought about music as forevermore.I don't like the expression timeless music, to me music is timed... but also forever.


Do take time to read this as well:

For Black MarchingBands, It’s About Rhythm,Precision and Flair

By David Gonzalez

Where Does It Hurt?

This past week we have heard about and seen the news from Ankara and Beirut about terrible terror attacks, so many people died, and it has been devestating to see and read the news, and then find the responsible part's careless claim of responsibility for the attacks. 

Last night, in the middle of "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey", the news came there had been shootings and explosions just outside the entrance to the football stadium, where France played a friedly soccer match against Germany. 

We became aware of the terror attacks, because my husband drove me crazy clicking back and forth from the movie to the soccer match, and suddenly the game was paused, and we were told. Otherwise we would have been happily unaware of the tragedy for a few more hours.

Not long after more news ticked in: Paris was attacked by terrorists, numerous casualties. Then we learned about several attacks. And a sad and horrific scenery was described:



Attack sites:

La Belle Equipe, 92 rue de Charonne, 11th district - at least 19 dead in gun attacks

Le Carillon bar and Le Petit Cambodge restaurant at rue Alibert, 10th district - at least 12 dead in gun attacks

La Casa Nostra restaurant, 92 rue de la Fontaine au Roi, 11th district - at least 5 dead in gun attacks

Stade de France, St Denis, just north of Paris - explosions heard outside venue, three attackers dead

Bataclan concert venue, 50 Boulevard Voltaire, 11th district - stormed by four gunmen, at least 80 dead

What we know

Images of aftermath of shootings

Eyewitness accounts from the scene

'I saw people on the ground and blood'

#Paris: Power, horror, and lies

The 1,500-seat Bataclan concert hall suffered the worst of Friday night's attacks. Gunmen opened fire on a sell-out gig by US rock group Eagles of Death Metal, killing 89 people.

I don't often speak up, protest, demonstrate or in any other way make my voice or vote count. I consider myself a peaceful person. I carry out my right and duty to vote. Not just to cast a vote, but also to support our democracy.

An important part of our democracy is freedom of speech, which I embrace and cherish with my entire being, but which I also see is a huge problem. It is a question of "I absolutely disagree with what you are saying, and how you say it, and the reason why you say it, but I strongly defend your right to say it". Freedom of speech rely on the, at best, questionable logic in people. Their abily and willingness to double check and find the truth. The habit of misunderstanding people correctly and not take everything said as a personal insult.

Freedom of speech gives room to everybody who likes to take advantage of any event to advocate their own cause. Like Mary Hughes Thompson who shortly after the first news tweeted: "I haven't accused Israel of involvement. Still, Bibi is upset about the European settlement boycot. So who knows?"

Frank Bruni wrote about similar cases: The Exploitation of Paris.

It feels like such a violation when they belittle the tragedy, and promote their own cause. They feed on the rage and hatred already raised by evil. It brings about nothing but disheartened frustration.

Nonetheless, I am impressed by people who speak up and bother to argue, discuss, dispute and otherwise make their point of view come across and be heard. Regardless their conviction. Of course I would prefere everybody shared my values and moral, but such is not the world.

There are many people who seem to have strong opinions on causes they feel are unjust. Often I admire the involvement, but fail to see the logic or the knowledge which is put to ground for their point of view. We use whatever means we feel possible for us to make our tool, and to do that, we turn to what is most convenient to us. Only thing is: internet, however common property it is, has a way of going viral.

It has become more of a fashionable thing to do to announce support this way, but I don't think they understand how they continuously stir up strong emotions. Emotions which are not only misplaced, but which also by the blink of an eye turn into hateful attacks. Attacks because people feel stamped on, belittled or tried enticed. More often hostile replies are stated when those who read and react run out of good points yet still feel the urge to have a say.

I was determined not to express my opinion on this week's terror attacks. I was determined to stay coward and let others flog each other with harsh and hurtful words. I managed to keep my thoughts to myself for maybe as long as a couple of days.

I strongly believe that words have a meaning; that they lead to thoughts and actions. The last few weeks have proven my belief truthful. I have the utmost respect for those who write well enough and talk well enough to be confident in presenting their point of view in respectful manners.

It doesn't feel like there is such a thing as justice. Maybe we are incapable of making the world fair. Maybe there is too much evil. Still I have trust in a future coloured with the shiny colour of kindness.
Maybe what is left is to tell the story of those innocent who suffer, and hope true empathy will be awakened.
I am ashamed to admit my feelings are stronger the closer to home tragedy strikes. For that I am sorry. It's not that suffering is less important far away, it is my capasity to take it all in which fails me.

As I write I see the identity of the victims in Paris begin to emerge. I am saddened by the thought of them, their family and the haunting thoughts. The "what ifs" which will be part of their mourning process. I hope they will find it in them to forgive. Hatred eats you up inside, and kills what's in you to love, and it kills the love you have in you to give.

There is hope, though. On social medias now people change their profile pictures into images covered in red, white and blue, to show support and condolances.

Long time ago, I wrote a blog posting I called “How To Speak Up”. I chose to write about a clip I found on youtube, which really and profoundly disturbed me. I still believe most of us have common grounds in values. And I believe we have it in us to be brave and yet not try to be bigger by putting others down.

I live such a comfortable life it is hard to imagine what it is like to live a life permeated with danger and total comprehensive fear. I am not so sure that I would be brave enough to do what I constantly claim I would do: never to let threats and random violence put any restrictions on my everyday life and lifestyle, simply because that would mean the wrong side won.

It's raining outside. Usually I love the rain, but tonight it feels like tears from the sky. It feels like the entire world is cried upon, an immersive hurt has struck.

“later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?
it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.”

― Warsan Shire

Hard learner.

I have never been a good student. I work as a teacher, so I know a good student when I come across one, and I know I am not a good student, either, even though i know the importance of doing the best I can. The minute I take on the role of a learner the guide I live and work by: "Be the best version possible of yourself", just vanish into the state of ignore.
I know very well what a bad student is, it's a matter of the pot calling the kettle black.

I praise myself lucky knowing I never have to teach myself.

Thinking about it, there are a lot of things I am not, which I should have been. I should have been an active exerciser, I should have been a woman on diet (the number -25 kilos is screaming in the back of my head now), I should have been a good... okey, a better.. mom, I should have been a better educationist, I should have been one of these women who take great pride and joy in keeping the house clean and tidy, I should have been a better friend.

Instead I limit myself to walk the dog, just far enough to let him pee... and do his other business, I enjoy crisps (and yes, the dip too), wine and scrumptious dinners.
I am a madcap mother, who let my children delay doing their homework so we can finish our game of Settlers.
In the morning I come in for landing at work like an albatross, my mind scanning through the contents on my laptop in search for something academically I can use for the upcoming 8 lessons of vocational English.



The laundry piles up and is washed in bursts, usually when my son comes in, dripping wet from the shower wondering where all his boxers have disappeared? Usually they are to be found in the laundry basket, the dirty still-not-been-attended-to pile of clothes and towels. The kids use an impressive number of towels; some times I suspect them of just rinse the towels under the tap, just to make them appear used and dirty.

I totally trust my bad conscience, so to be reminded of my evasion of folding the clean laundry and put it away, I bank the pile on the easy chair in the living room. I am bound to be constantly reminded of its presence there, every time I enter the room. And it stares accusatory at me while I'm there. It's quite impressive how something just present can dominate the environment. It's very uncomfortable. I spend a lot of time in my home office.

For some reason the easy chairs, which looked huge and very comfortable at the furniture department, shrink. So much so I need to occupy two of them, before I run the gauntlet, face up to the agony and deal with it.

My biggest drive, however, is not to have a perfectly staged house, it is the fear that my aunts will come by. I am not a teenager; I am a 45-year old woman with a profound fear of my mother's apoplectic fits. And I would experience one, on the phone, shortly after their visit.

My friends are giving up on me, there is no point in calling me on my phone. I don't like talking on the phone and avoid it if possible. I actually conveniently set it on mute and put it anywhere unlikely, just to have the excuse I didn't realize they called.
I have heard the accusatory complaints often enough. I know I should have taken it in, at some point, and keep it close always, but I get so stressed out of being available at all times. It's strange and contrary to nature. At least it is to me. But then again I am a quirky person, unlike a lot. Most can't put their phone away at all.

More often than before I end up drinking tea at the kitchen table with friends who ring the doorbell late at night. They have to show up to get to talk to me, because I don't answer the phone. I don't pick up, answer to messages or check my social media accounts as often as they wish... to be honest I go through email and messages around breakfast time... in Australia.

So we sit there, late at night, drinking tea and having the best of friendly time, while I feel the aggressive vibe from the overloaded sink pinch me in my neck.
I comfort myself knowing the dishes will be done, sometime soon.

If I were a dieter, I would probably have been one of those with 20 diet courses, in bookform, meticulously sorted by year and month on the bottom shelves in my bookcase. Courses I had every intention to complete.
I would feel so guilty having dinner I would swallow it down with a full nutrition diet shake, just to write in the foodlog I actually did drink it.

I get things done, in a while. It's just that I am comfortable while procastinating.
After many years of "on time" (which is a lovely expression meaning almost too late), instead of "in good time", I should have learned by now how unpractical it is to always have a deadline of some sort in the near future...

I guess it's hard, not impossible though, to teach an old dog new tricks, but is it getting too late for me to learn?

Grateful I know underestimated pleasures.

I am not a typical material girl, I don't think I am high maintenance either, but I have discovered the importance of pampering myself.
When I stumble upon a situation where I can find a tiny hint of pleasure I make the most out of the opportunity. No matter what stress mess I am in, I slow down and just indulge myself in the bliss offered.

In other words: pleasures in my life.

A few of my favourite moments of pleasure, in no particular order:

• Fresh, cool and clean sheets. (Yeah, I know. It pops up everywhere as an underestimated pleasure, yet we all change them way too infrequently.)
• A glass of cold, fresh and clean water. Better even: a glass of cold water with a couple of slices of lime and ice cubes in it.
• Eating berries off the brush.
• When the bus is on time, and so am I.
• Watching my kids sleep. (No, it's not creepy, just utterly peaceful.)
• Cheese with friends. And then a tasteful wine to swallow it down with.
• Watching, listening or reading, and noone tugs your sleeve.
• Traffic jam, but you know a shortcut, a legal one!
• Drinking a hot mug of coffee. Preferably while sitting at the front porch.
• Comfortable shoes.
• Picking flowers.
• Listening to the silence.
• Chocolate!
• A good hair day.
• A rowing boat, a rod and calm sea.
• Time on my hands.
• Laying in bed listening to a storm.
• Mail which is neither a bill, nor commercial.
• Candle lights.
• A smile and "Good morning" greeting.
• Walks
• .... and I am sure there are more. 

Read further under the picture.

Pluviophile - A lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

• The things Marcus Aurelius was thinking of when he admonished us to “remember Nature’s inadvertence how it has its own charm, its own attractiveness.” His 14 virtues are still valid, I think. When they come naturally, that is. When they are an act, there is nothing more deceitful and ugly.

His list dates to 170 AD,  so this is really old stuff, and even though our pleasures may be slightly more modern and up to date, the truths beneath them (and their accidental or unintended beauty) remain the same.

-Auctoritas - "Spiritual Authority" - The sense of one's social standing, built up through experience, ---Pietas, and Industria.
-Comitas - "Humour" - Ease of manner, courtesy, openness, and friendliness.
-Clementia - "Mercy" - Mildness and gentleness.
-Dignitas - "Dignity" - A sense of self-worth, personal pride.
-Firmitas - "Tenacity" - Strength of mind, the ability to stick to one's purpose.
-Frugalitas - "Frugalness" - Economy and simplicity of style, without being miserly.
-Gravitas - "Gravity" - A sense of the importance of the matter at hand, responsibility and earnestness.
-Honestas - "Respectability" - The image that one presents as a respectable member of society.
-Humanitas - "Humanity" - Refinement, civilization, learning, and being cultured.
-Industria - "Industriousness" - Hard work.
-Pietas - "Dutifulness" - More than religious piety; a respect for the natural order socially, politically, and religiously. Includes the ideas of patriotism and devotion to others.
-Prudentia - "Prudence" - Foresight, wisdom, and personal discretion.
-Salubritas - "Wholesomeness" - Health and cleanliness.
-Severitas - "Sternness" - Gravity, self-control.
-Veritas - "Truthfulness" - Honesty in dealing with others.

And then I found this:

• To relieve stress must be a pleasure too, I think. It's just another of those pleasures we don't pay attention to, unless we go to some luxurious spa or a therapy session.

When we lead a stressful life, we have two options: we try to keep up, or we crack up.

Most of us wear ourselves out by trying to keep up the pace, do what we have to do and appear to be on top of things. We forget that to force ourselves to slow down and take time to charge the batteries saves stress; time even.

Now that I think about it, most of the points on my list have something to do with stress relief. 

At least to me they do.

One Whiff Of These 10 Scents Can Relieve Stress Almost Instantly

1) Lemon


Promotes concentration and allows the mind to calm especially when angry, anxious or very exhausted. Lemon boosts the body’s immune system, improving circulation and is known to reduce anxiety and depression.

2) Cinnamon


The stimulating properties in cinnamon can help fight mental fatigue and improve concentration and focus. Researchers from Wheeling Jesuit University studied participants and found that those who took a whiff of cinnamon improved in cognitive functions like visual-motor response, working memory and attention span.

3) Lavender


Lavender helps calm the mind and body almost instantly. But perhaps its most useful benefit is its ability to help treat insomnia. This essential oil has calming ands sedative properties that help control emotional stress. Lavender has a soothing effect on nerves and can relieve nervous tension and depression as well as treat headaches and migraines.

4) Rain


After a rainstorm, especially a rain storm that breaks a long dry spell, the world smells different.

The clean scent after a rainfall is partially caused by ozone cleaning away some of the scents we take for granted.

The smell of rain can literally relieve stress and improve your mood by over 60%

5) Fresh Cut Grass


Scent researchers found that a chemical released by a newly-mowed lawn can make people feel joyful and relaxed. The smell apparently is so powerful thatneuroscientists came up with a perfume and air fragrance that matches it so the lawnless can also reap the benefits of the feel-good scent.

6) Peppermint


Try peppermint when brainstorming. An energy booster, this scent invigorates the mind, promotes concentration and stimulates clear thinking.

Smelling peppermint is linked to greater cognitive stamina, motivation and overall performance.

7) Vanilla


In a study published in the Proceedings of ISOT/JASTS 2004, researchers found that taking a whiff of vanilla bean elevated participants’ feelings of joy and relaxation. The results were measured through mood mapping, which included emotions ranging from happiness and stimulation to apathy and irritation.

8) Rosemary


The stimulating effect of rosemary may enhance certain aspects of mental function. People who work in rosemary-scented cubicles have better long-term memory than those who worked in unscented cubicles. Rosemary improves long-term memory, alertness and has properties that fight physical exhaustion, headaches and mental fatigue.

9) Pine


Pine decreases anxiety and alleviates stress. In one Japanese study, participants who went on a walk through pine forests reported significantly lower depression and stress levels. The research also discovered that anxious subjects had a greater feeling of relaxation after indulging in the scent.

10) Jasmine 

Like lavender, jasmine it is also used to calm nerves, but this oil is also commonly used as an anti-depressant because of its uplifting capabilities that produce a feeling of confidence, optimism and revitalized energy.   (This article appeared first at Prevent Disease)

I don't know anything about the science behind how those scents affect us, but I do know I totally agree!

(Just think about what it feels like to get that christmas tree indoors (the real thing, not a plastic replica), straighten your back and inhale; Pure therapy.)

Seems to me I have a good life filled with pleasures. I just need to appreciate them more. And be more grateful.

Hospitality we need.

Hospitality; it's a concept I find more and more people have a rather alien apprehension of. It's no longer the norm to just pop in on someone for a cup of coffee. We can no longer expect people to put things aside and just waste time the high quality kind of way: in good company and friendly chit-chat.

Since I have something to say about it, I thought it would be appropriate to define what hospitality really is, so in order to get it right, I found the proper defenition of hospitality online.

It refers to the relationship process between a guest and a host, and it also refers to the act or practice of being hospitable, that is, the reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers, with liberality and goodwill. 
Hospitality is also known as the act of generously providing care and kindness to whomever is in need.

The Bible say something about it too:

In the New Testament, the Greek word translated “hospitality” literally means “love of strangers.” Hospitality is a virtue that is both commanded and commended throughout Scripture. In the Old Testament, it was specifically commanded by God: “When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt” (Leviticus 19:33-34, emphasis added).

I got this thought in my head that I had something to say about hospitality, so I told a friend that I was thinking about writing a blog about that.

"What will you write in your blog about it?"

Well, I hadn't written the text yet, but from the top of my head I told him that I wanted to write about how easy it is to invite and be friendly and welcoming to people you know really well and have close relation to, and how spotless you feel your house must be for others to see.

"Ha!!", he replied, "Let your closest friends see you really live, but those who are outside the circle see you live in a pristine world".

How very facebook. That is the image we like to give on social medias, unless someone stage a cluttered house, carefully arranged in an effectful way, and post a picture of how terrible their house looks.

I don't have to stage clutter. It is the natural state of my house, but then again: I would rather be caught dead than post a picture of it.

Yet, in the midst of unfolded laundry, toys, books and you name it: in my chaotic place you will at times find all kinds of people drinking coffee or tea, and enjoy the fact that someone has a house messy enough to tell a tale about.

And the funny part of it is, they don't seem to care too much, any of them.

Some times, when my boys have had friends over, and the house is extraordinary untidy, I can literally hear them plan how to tell their family and friends about my poor housewife skills, spicing up their story with embellished descriptions on the state of my house.

I would never keep anyone stand on the porch, just because I am afraid of the inevitable talk. Let them have their moment of relief and friendly haughty laugh.

At the end of the day, I am confident my house is clean enough to stay healthy and messy enough to stay happy, and at the bottom, on the surface of the floor, you will find it is spotless and impeccable clean.

My house is very happy based upon the mess.

I remember vaguely when my parents, on Sunday afternoon, announced: "We are going to pay a visit!" Most often we went to relatives, but also friends of my parents.

Back in those days kids didn't have their own agenda, we lived by the rules and the doings of our parents'.

We went for impulsive visits, often after having been on a hike in the morning and had dinner (tea).

Some times we were the ones getting visitors, and there was always a cake or some other homemade treat served with coffee. 

My mother baked the week's bread and cakes every Saturday. I have no idea what happened to the cakes on the Sundays we didn't stay at home.

We kept up this social life, even after having a phone became common: It was important to see, and spend time, with other people.

Today, with all the health-gurus, and the rules of what to eat and when, and even more important: peoples' constant dieting and attempt to cut back on this or that, people don't bake anymore. We tend to buy something sugary instead, and that's fine, but we shouldn't think anyone expects more than your company. A mere cup of coffee, tea or a glass of something cool is quite sufficient... if you want to offer something.

There are countless reasons to why we don't pay visits anymore, not to the same degree we did before, anyway. We are entertained in our own home by digital and electronic gadgets and medias, apparently we don't feel the same need for company anymore.

Another reason is that people are busy. We work, kids need a lift here and there (and some times everywhere), we need to keep our house and garden, and days go by and time just doesn't seem to add up. The recipe to the classic time pressure and stress mess.

In an ideal world, we wouldn't sacrifice spending time with friends and family. In an ideal world we would still plan and agree upon doing things together.

I am sure I would never regret doing that, but there is a good chance I would regret I never did.

I often get the question: "How do you do it? How do you find the energy to invite people into your home?" Truth is I very seldom do, but I always invite people who ring the doorbell in.

I don't have more energy than other people, I have come to terms with my limits, and feel comfortable with the consequences. I have to admit I suffered from a stress attack before I settled for far less than a perfect house.

Just like everybody else, we have special occasions when we want the house to sparkle. And we do fuss about cleaning everything; floors, door knobs, windows... you know: a thorough, total, old fashioned "cleaning the house".

But we don't do it every day just because we fear someone should see the state of our everyday house.

In many ways I have escaped the merry-go-round. I do not deliver instamoments in form of three courses, or perfect displays. (I love candles! They are everywhere in my house, but that's not the same thing.)

I can't live up to the expectations, and my health tells me I can't even try. So I create my own standards. And I am actually a tiny bit, secretly proud, to be breaking the code of "good housewifing".

In a society, where the image and the deceitful lies prevails the community, it is easy to forget that friendship and fellowship are about letting people into our lives and homes. Vi need to be together, talk with one another, laugh together, play, share and listen to one another.

Our time is becoming a time for hundreds of contacts and likes. We have fewer friends and close relationships than before. We are afraid to let our masks fall; to show who we really are has become somewhat of a hazard. 

Our kids think they are with friends when they sit alone in their rooms, gaming with their friends who sit alone in their rooms.

While we waste time on social medias in order to post funny quotas, like strangers' dinnerplans and ignoring the rules of safety online, our single socks and dirty dishes pile up. We tell about the scandalous kitchen floor, but don't take time to sweep up the crumbs. We settle for telling about how good we feel about having done it.

We tell the world about our wannabe selves, forgetting that when we are sure about who we really are, it doesn't matter if things are a bit thrown out of gear.

Instead we keep up appearance diving into different sizes screens.

In Norway vast amount of money is spent every year on redecorating and nick-nacks. But many of us never show anyone our displays, other than to create instamoments and facebook likes.

I find it sad. Our most widespread disease is lonelyness. We miss the parts of the conversations which we replace with emoticons.

We are made to have companionship, to be affected by others face to face. Being together makes us alive and present.

I think our entire society will be a better place if we dare to step back, to leave our mobile phones, tablets and computers alone and pay eachother a visit.

I hope dropping by will be in fashion again. I hope we have not lost the art of real fellowship. I hope we get brave enough to pay eachother visits again. I hope we can get past the wall we build between us and those we perceive as different. I hope we become generous enough to invite those who cross our path for our own sake. Otherwise, we will turn into a people in need.

Ageing makes excellent.

It’s my birthday today. The celebration of me getting older. When people ask me my age, 

very rude, but more common, I can say I am closer to 50.

It’s no secret I just simply love all the goofy quizes and tests online, analyzing which flower you are, your personality and a lot of other quirky stuff (still waiting for the test which will show I am a Red Bugatti Veyron, which harmoniously combines athletic performance and elegant form, bringing the proud history that is part of the Bugatti-DNA into the present. 

No such test has popped up yet, but I'm still hoping. After all, I am old enough to be responsible about excellence now.

Anyway. The last test was what I am like as a person. That was unexpected, but ok. I feel I know myself pretty well, but hey! Let’s see what a facebook-related test has to say about me:

You are spiritual, emotional, intelligent, charismatic, analytical and down to earth.
You are someone who needs to get to the bottom of things. There is no question you haven’t asked, and no answer you have not been 100% happy about. Your understanding of people and your extensive knowledge doesn’t come from books alone.
You like to observe and come to conclusions. It gives you a mystical touch which others find very fascinating.

Now, that's a whole lot of compliments... if you like being a mystery to your surrounding. I don't mind that. I have come to terms with being eccentric, and feel comfortably good about it. Still that was a bit over the top, made me feel more of an overexcited, loony cougar than a fairly reasonable woman. Don't know why, just did.

There are many things wrong with my body. It's not age, even though age may have refined and enhanced the unwellness.

What worries me, is that my mature insight forces me to admit to my vanity.

I dress well... for my size. I am a very active woman... for my size, I eat healthy... for a woman my size... the list can go on and on. I have a lot of good things going, but I blame my size for not being as good as I can be, or could have been.

I don't feel age slows me down at all, in any way.

I wear what I want, I listen to the music I want, I do what I want, I engage in whatever activity I want: there is nothing, really, in my life, which holds me back.

My mother is a funny cookie. She has recently had several back surgeries done, and has been in crucial pains for many year. For as long as I can remember, actually. This meant she has needed quite an extensive amount medication.

Now they have helped her cut back, so she is more alert than she has been for a long time.

I was talking to her on the phone, and she told me that "Just today, my eyes fell on the bracelet they put on your wrist, when you get registered as patient at hospitals. You know: the one with all your essential information on it. And I thought to myself I would read what it said. It was a major shock to read I am a 76-years old woman. When did I get that old?"

Funny that she should say that, cause that's exactly how I feel, when I read my birthday card saying I am now 45.

Sole conversations.

Asking yourself questions on facebook, getting the answers you want, always has the right outcome. It's the new talking to yourself... which I am old fashioned enough to do, on frequent and regular basis.

I have not reached the point of posting my questions to myself, and then reply, on facebook... not yet, anyway.
But I appreciate the opportunity to ask the universe for the ultimate solution, though.
I also see the attraction of posting on facebook, thinking you are the one to respond, not expecting anyone else to reply. You don't get that social loser feeling, IF someone replies it's a mere bonus.

When I am upset with noone in particular, or I am pondering about something I not only fall into thoughts: I also murmur. Now, my family is used to hear me mumble, and they know I then have a moment of private expression of discontent.

Years ago they thought I was angry, maybe with them, maybe someone or something else... they weren't sure. They would stop making noise and tiptoed around the house as if not to wake my anger. Very unfortunate to have unintendently created that kind of insecurity in them, but we had a talk as soon as they had the courage to ask why I some times were angry with them, when I was in the kitchen by myself. They preferred I just confronted them.

Now, that made me take a close look at myself. I am not an angry person, and it made me sad I upset them by my really bad habit. I understand their reaction, and I am sorry about the light anxiety I caused.

Me clinging to the old fashioned way has the drawback people around me are at best suspicious about my mumbling. I don't know why. I see people talking to themselves everywhere. Well, not really talking to themselves, but they talk with no shame, in a loud voice, when noone is their apparent partner in the conversation.

Thinking about it, I should buy one of those earpieces people use when talking on the phone, loud, in public. Not because I want to talk more on the phone, which I hate, but because that is acceptable now.

I was brought up learning that we should keep conversations on the phone private. Our phone was placed in a small hallway not very often used for any other purpose than talking on the phone. The door was open so we could hear the ringing through the entire house, but our conversations were private.

Now people talk everywhere, not even bothering to move away from the group they are in the midst of, or lowering their voice. It actually some times feel like as when people get a more expencive phone, they raise their voice another notch. Not only that: I have on occasions left the room, because I was embarrassed on their behalf.

To be honest I find people's relationship to their phone is rather annoying. So many seem to be addicted to their phone: they never really leave it alone, but check for activity on it constantly. Updates on status, messages and postings is an ongoing, constant behaviour.

People don't even see how rude it is, to abruptly disengage in their face to face conversations, just because they get a message, or a phonecall. I feel so stupid sometimes, just left hanging there.

Back in the days (a couple of years ago) we thought people talking to themselves in a loud manner were a bit.... challenged. Now they are excused because obviously they are on the phone. Even when they sing lullabyes while shopping groceries... or ask whether they should or want... or not. 

I am not on the phone, I don't have that excuse, but I searched the net, and got my reasons for talking to myself confirmed:

Here are a few things self-talk can do for you:

• Give yourself a shoutout. Even if no one else seems to be appreciating you at the moment, compliment yourself on the way you handled a difficult situation, left your comfort zone for a new adventure, or just got through a busy day.
• Give yourself a pep talk. We could all use a motivational speaker from time to time, but we don’t always have one handy. Self-talk can help you motivate yourself to achieve a goal at work, in a relationship, or in your personal behavior.
• Debate both sides of a difficult decision. Saying your options out loud and elaborating on the pros and cons can help bring the right choice to light, and you might be surprised at the unexpected direction your thoughts take when they’re audible.
• Blow off steam. If you’re not the type to confront people who tick you off, talk to yourself about how they bother you or how unfair a situation is. Introverts are especially prone to missing opportunities to assert themselves. Put the “self” back in self-assertion.
• Understand your thoughts better. Sometimes we’re sure we think one way, but our psyche tells us differently. Have you ever found yourself crying when you didn’t think anything was wrong? That’s your subconscious letting you know. Invite it to join your conversation to bring you to new levels of self-awareness.
• Rehearse a difficult conversation. Practicing what you need to say to get your points across clearly and without anger will put you in a much better position when it comes time to communicate about a tough issue.
• Boost your memory. Research shows that saying the location out loud when you place an object will help you remember where you put it.
• Shake off stress and anxiety. Who couldn’t use one more way to get rid of stress? Work it through with a monologue.
• Improve attention span and concentration. Indeed, many people with ADD talk to themselves to help bring a tangle of thoughts into focus. Notice how often you see athletes muttering under their breath before an event; they’re calming themselves down (#8) and pumping themselves up (#2). It works.

Yeah, I can do this on facebook; it even provides most tools to do it too..

Yes, I should, but I don't want to. I need to, though.

Imagine what could have been, if only...
What if I could get up in the morning, rise and shine, and feel like exercising?
Some people actually do, you know. Some people have made it a habit to gain energy, good spirits and vitality through the sacrifice of knowingly giving up a generous sleep in, almost every day.

They get up and hit the gym, or the swimmingpool, before work. They ride their bicycle to work every day, regardless of weather. Some have lunchbreaks long enough to work out at a nearby gym.
(That one I am excused from, my lunch is 25 minutes long. It would have been ridiculous to get there, get changed, work out, shower, get dressed and get back to work in 25 minutes. Not sure even Superman could have done that. My superpowers are being a mom and teaching, not speed.)

I so admire the stamina they show being persistent about staying, or getting, in shape. I wish I had self dicipline enough to get those muscles working, to push myself to the limit of gasping for air, make the pulse pound so fast and so hard I can feel it.

In spite of the apparent sacrifices, they gain the admiration of others, for being totally selfish and they don't have to go through the looks unfit people get from others, you know, the look which says: wow, how some people let themselves go is really impressive and totally impossible to phathom. Besides it's beyond unattractive.

Some say keeping up working out is not at all hard in summer, because the entire getting to location and just "be" in the present is lovely and an adventure in itself. That is when you really feel life going on here and now.

However, when its cold and wet, you just want to stay where it's warm and cuddly and nice and well, just not get up. You are perfectly fine where you are: In bed.
Problem is: you don't work up a sixpack and firm upper arms while resting.

I've talked about it for some time. Now that my youngest is so independent and responsible (he is VERY responsible. I have no idea where he got that character from), I should start bicycling to work. At least some days a week. It's only 13 kilometres, and lots of people do it every day.

I like to think I am just like any other deadly person, I can do same thing most others do, but... I was all set and mentally ready to bicycle to work.... then I woke up and it was raining; I chickened out.
I know many don't blame me, because bicycling in the rain, getting wet and tired and cold is really no fun. On the other hand: when you are wet through you can't get any wetter, and I will change into dry clothes ones I get there...

I don't know why I find it such an effort. I mean, I know I am spoiled rotten driving my own car to work. I don't have to take the bus or train or anything. I have done it for so many years, I guess I should be content having had such an easy travel to work for so many years...
but its miserable to wait for the bus or run from the busstop, carrying a heavy bag, when it raining.

It's no fun when it is windy cold and wet. It is temporarily uncomfortable, but as long as you are moving you stay warm, so it really isn't all that bad.

And, again: I live in Norway. If rain stops me, I really won't get anywhere

Autumn is knocking on the door, and in all honesty I don't mind the seasons. They all have their own charme. I love the colours, I love all the underestimated pleasures autumn gives me. What I do mind is all the excuses the season offers.

I am too old to make excuses. I need to think about all the years I was left happy not making any effort to stay fit, then I had all the years when I should have made an effort, but had a lot of good reasons not to. Now the time has come to pay for the break.

For 30 years my body looked quite ok. For the last 15 years, life has given me scars and marks which tell the story of my life. I am not that old yet... but will be soon. 

I should be able to find time to stay fit and healthy... maybe lose a few pounds... or many.
I should become better, you know? make an effort to become the best version of myself. 
Funny how I know this, and still don't set my mind on sticking to it.

I could, of course, choose the easy way out and get some surgery done to enhance my appearance, but to me it somehow feels like cheating, 
My body should reflect my life and my lifestyle, so to workout should be just as natural to me as to eat healthy, if I am concerned enough to spend time thinking about it. Not proud of the fact that I do, but I do. 
Guess I am more vain than I like to give myself credit for.

There is always time to make changes, to exercise and eat better. The process of preparing for a surgery is time consuming and quite straining. A lot must be in place before you go under the knife. You could just keep up the work and get results on your own.

Liposuction doesn't give you a healthier lifestyle, it only gives you a break from the lifestyle you have acquired over time. 
To me it would be like cheating. BUT, I do see the need if you have proper medical problem that requires it, and you need a wake up call and a jump start.

For many years I was so bothered by my friends who took gastro bypass surgeries done. I realise now how they affected me, actually, I haven't really understood untill now how much it bothered me.

Imagine how proud of myself I would feel if I achieve all that naturally. Without the talking and commenting on what to eat, what not to eat, what to wear, which nips and tucs must be done due to losing too much weight too fast.
But I have to admit I am impatient, and lack selfdicipline. Terrible combination, but it's true.

I should add pride to my list on pros and cons. I should become more proud.

It's good to have goals, and what I am at right now is to design a possible plan for thinking about maybe getting started being more set for a goal.
Every journey starts with a small step

Getting started is the hardest part, simply because I am a procrastinator by nature, I have to fight that. And I know I am stupid not to take on the challenge. The only person to lose is me, if I don't fight my flaws.

You know.... I really don't give myself an easy way out here. What I do is actually telling the entire world I need a change, I know this and I am an idiot if I don't do anything about it.

Did I want an easy way out? My "here-and-now" does. My "here-and-now" so wants an easy way out, but my shopping for a dress for christmas wants the harder way.
My self esteem in wait, wants to wear that really stark blue dress with bold pride knowing that I didn't cheat.
Oh, I Would be so stuck up nose about it, I would be unbearable to be around for months and months on. Telling everybody I could now climb stairs with more ease and all that.

Hmmmm. getting to brag and be totally entitled to... there is an incentive worth paying some thought to.

When Computers Compute... Or Whatever They Do

Computers tend to frustrate me; a lot! Always has, right from my first encounter with a "New Brain".
I chose computer as elective subject in school in 1984.
My father got a terrible rash when I aired my wish for choosing crafts, miniature shooting, taking the certificate to ride a moped or another light subject. He stated "computers are the future!" And that was end of discussion.

So I hammered away on a keyboard I knew nothing about, in a language called Basic, which I knew nothing about, and my teacher barely knew even that.
What I remember from those classes is something like:
10 print "Bjorg is cool"
20 goto 10
run

Picture stolen from racketboy.com

I learned enough to help my cousin type in meters long lists of codes, in order to get games on his computer. Codes which, after error checks and completed typing, would be stored on cassettes after days of effort.
Then we had to load the cassettes into the computer every time we wanted to play a game.

Great things have happened within digital innovations since then. The mouse, the floppy discs, the discettes, internet, cd-rom, USB, the size, the weight, the graphics... you name it. It is hard to avoid computers and using them now.
Personal service and a friendly smile has been replaced by digits and keys.

Actually I know nothing about computers. My son accidentally broke the screen on his laptop (you can't tell by looking at it, you have to turn it on to see the image of a broken screen!?), and I have no idea what to look for in order to buy him the right one.

So I haven't gotten him a new one yet... rom, ram, processer, graphics... which is what and why and how is not very clear to me, simply because I normally take no interest.

Just for fun I went into a store and told the young man working there I wanted a red laptop. He turned slightly pale and asked what I was looking for?
-I just want a red laptop, I replied.
-But, surely you have some priorities on how you use it and what you use it for?
-No, it must be red!
Even though I felt a bit sorry for the poor guy, I wasn't going to tell him I already knew which laptop I wanted, and that I knew that was the only one they got in the colour red.
It was almost as if he hesitated to sell me a laptop, all together, he acted as if he was in distress. I am sure he needed a well deserved break after I left.

No, I know very little about computers, but just like the car: I am fairly ok at using it.

Internet has always been my friend, ever since 1992, when we got our first analog modem and listened to the terrible noise, for quite a few minutes, to get online.... and find nothing.
Back then it was almost as if we wanted to find something on the internet, we had to put it out there ourselves. And we did. No pictures, though, mind you.

Today my entire life is, to some degree, connected to computers and internet. Hah, even the sky. My thoughts, my doings, my commitments, my finances... it's all there. And it is convenient most of the time.

Last week I was reminded to order milk at school for my kids, and I placed the order, paid and scheduled it.
Problem is, it is too advanced. It annoys me. Too many parties are taking advantage.
So many sites are so filled with contents it takes forever to download and access. The better internet I got, the less patience I notice I have. I get more impatience now than I did before.

And where did I store my work and pictures? I have a C:, a D:, an F:, then I have the mutual external hard drive and the "sky". Trying to keep up order is really a mastermind task.

For some time things got even more complicated, and false links sneaked in, even on my online bank.
I wrote customer service, telling them how disappointed I was to experience they offered prizes on their customers' surveys, which were actually expensive subscriptions I committed to, unless it was unsubscribed within 2 days.
They wrote me back and told me it was the toolbar on my computer, not them.

When I opened a page, another one would open as well, with a video of a man telling me how to make lots of money in no time and with no effort.
I didn't want any of it, and tried to clean my laptop from everything my virus control reacted to... and then some. Not quite sure what I removed, but I did remove something, just not the right thing.

Needless to say, I got very frustrated. Foul words and stomping my foot in annoyance did no good. I couldn't figure it out.

I have an online friend in London, who I early on adopted as my computer oracle. We were chatting and I poured out my distress, complaining about how frustrated I was, but no, I wanted to be stubborn and do it myself.... of course I gave in.
I gave him the code and password and soon I could see the mouse moving on my screen, clicking this and that, entering folders and files... it was scary. It was like a sci fi happening right before my very eyes. Not only did it happen, but suddenly I got this feeling of someone tampering with my private life. I have no secrets, but that somehow didn't matter much.

I told him how uncomfortable it was.
- I saw nothing, I just did the job.

I was so grateful when we checked the laptop after: no pop ups, no extra "informative" pages, no ads covering what I wanted to read... I didn't really care. Besides I know him well enough to trust him.

Then I saw it:
-But, but... when I enter the control panel to check on programs to uninstall, it's there! I have not been able to delete it! You didn't delete it!
Even when I wrote these comments I was thinking how cunning it was to take the opportunity to get access to my laptop and go through the most private I've got in my life: my files on my computer. Yes, I am shameful to admit the doubt sneaked in on me for a split second.

-It's not there, it's empty. There is nothing in there.
He is my computer oracle, after all, and I know he knows what he is talking about, but there was this brief moment of sadness when I thought about how everything I have learned about computers for the last 30+ years crumbled.
I have learned that computers is nothing but 0s and 1s, but every 0 and every 1 are significant, and suddenly a troublesome folder, which can't be removed, is of no significance. It is only there to annoy me and pretend to be a problem!

The next day I got Windows 10, which was sent to me because I had reserved it. All I had to do was to click on the link, and it downloaded, installed, configured apps, shut down and started up again my computer several times... by itself.

Computers are machines, which only do what we tell them to do. If I tell it to do the wrong thing, the wrong thing is done.
Now I struggle with the thought of what if the link had been a mock link, and someone took advantage of my trust in windows?

I Happen To Like To Communicate.

I don't, but not always by choice. 
It's like involuntary showing 
mysterious wisdom. 

I am one of those people who constantly feel I have a lot to say, about most topics. I enjoy to be opinionated, I thrive when I get to ponder and wonder about how different standing points could, perhaps, look upon the matter, what their reaction to situations would be like, or how access to resources or different stages of life impose lifestyle. I am one of those people who think I can add something to just about any topic talked about.

I don't really get to air my comments to others much. For some reason I get interrupted a lot, and instead of claiming my space, I tend to withdraw. I speak up because I have this eager thought I would hate to let common sense burn out inside of me for never to be uttered. Only to find my own words just fade out in the buzz of other, louder voices.

As alarming it may sound, and this is totally true: I have not yet, after 28 years, had a proper conversation with my in-laws. That's right; I always end up listening, and then my husband interfere and pretends he is talking for the both of us. Most times he does, because we agree to a large extent, but still; even him.

Then, when I come across people who listen to me, I get so startled I forget every name, event and even word I am about to say. Many times I am left with this bitter taste in my mouth that I didn't get to express what I really meant. It just comes out the wrong, stuttering, insecure way. And leaves my partner in conversation just.... totally confused.

Like... at a Christmas party I told a woman that: "You have been bugging me through this entire holiday!!! You keep popping up as a possible connection, and I must have sent you like 20 invitations on Linkedin."

The poor woman tried to excuse herself, for not having sorted out her Linkedin profile for years, and that she had several profiles... some not active, but she would get it sorted now that her son was at home.

I, on the other hand, sounded like a pathetic idiot, who couldn't take no for an answer. I guess pure luck saved her from adding me. Of course; now that she has sorted out her profiles, she is not accepting me. Not sure I would either.

I would probably be holding a restraining order if we lived in the States, and I wouldn't blame her.

On that note: it is a woman I enjoy being around a lot! really! I just have to figure out how to fix our relationship back to friendly.

Just because of that, blogging is a perfect forum for me. This is where everything I got on my chest can be expressed, with a hint of eloquence, without me feeling muffled or that I say something nobody really cares to listen to. I don't steal anybody's precious time by forcing them to listen to my rambling on.

Here I can talk uninterruptedly knowing whoever reads what I write do so by free will and no obligation, no strings attached... ok, so it has happened I send a link or two to somebody I feel could find some entertainment out of reading what I wrote about this or that. But it is still volunteerly for them to actually read it.

At least they will get the notion I know something about something... if not anything else, I know words.

In spite of having a blog with no other agenda than the one I present above (or below, in this case):

There are so many blogs out there. This is mine. I don't expect it to be particularly good, but it is my life and my thoughts on life and the world as I see it.

Having a blog gives me the opportunity to explore, amuse, challenge, provoke and maybe even look upon values and morals with an unexpected twist.

It is an egotrip where I get to post my own opinions, in my own words, and I get the satisfaction at least I uttered them out there, for anybody to see... if they care to.

That being said. I really don't get a lot of comments or sharing of my blog. As much as I tend to bloom in the spotlight of attention on facebook, the blog has become a different matter. Not everything I write is entirely true: I maybe exaggerate or understate, but there is always a core of some truth. My truth.

Since this is a lot more sincere than my successful facebook-life (mind you, my display of an alleged successful life, in spite of my humble 140+ friends), where likes and clicks and sharing is a huge part of being active, I think I would be intimidated if I got too many comments displayed in public here on my blog. I don't mind them, by all means, I love them! It means I have hit some sort of nerve, and getting them is probably just a matter of getting used to. (Read: Feel free!) Like Chris Brogan once said: “If you accept all the praise, you have to accept all the critics.” And that's fair.

I do enjoy the emails I get from you, and I do try to reply them all. Maybe not right away, but shortly.

I just read through what I just wrote, and I have to say: who am I trying to fool?

Everybody knows that positive feedback is like a drug: you just crave more and more of it, and more often. And after a while you start to get discontent if nobody gets to see what a raging (moderate) success you are.

But then I think to myself: I will never have 50 000 followers on my blog, I will never be a top notch commercial blogger, but I do feel like I get my voice out there. I show how I feel about things, and state my opinions, without being interrupted, and that is still, to me, of the greatest value. (And that is why, when I feel very strong about something, I write it down and send a link, or email, to my husband...)

Because, after all, just like Tom Foremski said: “Blogging is a communications mechanism handed to us by the long tail of the Internet.”
And I happen to like to communicate... just not very good at it live.