Last night, in the middle of "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey", the news came there had been shootings and explosions just outside the entrance to the football stadium, where France played a friedly soccer match against Germany.
We became aware of the terror attacks, because my husband drove me crazy clicking back and forth from the movie to the soccer match, and suddenly the game was paused, and we were told. Otherwise we would have been happily unaware of the tragedy for a few more hours.Not long after more news ticked in: Paris was attacked by terrorists, numerous casualties. Then we learned about several attacks. And a sad and horrific scenery was described:
Attack sites:
La Belle Equipe, 92 rue de Charonne, 11th district - at least 19 dead in gun attacks
Le Carillon bar and Le Petit Cambodge restaurant at rue Alibert, 10th district - at least 12 dead in gun attacks
La Casa Nostra restaurant, 92 rue de la Fontaine au Roi, 11th district - at least 5 dead in gun attacks
Stade de France, St Denis, just north of Paris - explosions heard outside venue, three attackers dead
Bataclan concert venue, 50 Boulevard Voltaire, 11th district - stormed by four gunmen, at least 80 dead
What we know
Images of aftermath of shootings
Eyewitness accounts from the scene
'I saw people on the ground and blood'
#Paris: Power, horror, and lies
The 1,500-seat Bataclan concert hall suffered the worst of Friday night's attacks. Gunmen opened fire on a sell-out gig by US rock group Eagles of Death Metal, killing 89 people.
I don't often speak up, protest, demonstrate or in any other way make my voice or vote count. I consider myself a peaceful person. I carry out my right and duty to vote. Not just to cast a vote, but also to support our democracy.
An important part of our democracy is freedom of speech, which I embrace and cherish with my entire being, but which I also see is a huge problem. It is a question of "I absolutely disagree with what you are saying, and how you say it, and the reason why you say it, but I strongly defend your right to say it". Freedom of speech rely on the, at best, questionable logic in people. Their abily and willingness to double check and find the truth. The habit of misunderstanding people correctly and not take everything said as a personal insult.
Freedom of speech gives room to everybody who likes to take advantage of any event to advocate their own cause. Like Mary Hughes Thompson who shortly after the first news tweeted: "I haven't accused Israel of involvement. Still, Bibi is upset about the European settlement boycot. So who knows?"
Frank Bruni wrote about similar cases: The Exploitation of Paris.
It feels like such a violation when they belittle the tragedy, and promote their own cause. They feed on the rage and hatred already raised by evil. It brings about nothing but disheartened frustration.
Nonetheless, I am impressed by people who speak up and bother to argue, discuss, dispute and otherwise make their point of view come across and be heard. Regardless their conviction. Of course I would prefere everybody shared my values and moral, but such is not the world.
There are many people who seem to have strong opinions on causes they feel are unjust. Often I admire the involvement, but fail to see the logic or the knowledge which is put to ground for their point of view. We use whatever means we feel possible for us to make our tool, and to do that, we turn to what is most convenient to us. Only thing is: internet, however common property it is, has a way of going viral.
It has become more of a fashionable thing to do to announce support this way, but I don't think they understand how they continuously stir up strong emotions. Emotions which are not only misplaced, but which also by the blink of an eye turn into hateful attacks. Attacks because people feel stamped on, belittled or tried enticed. More often hostile replies are stated when those who read and react run out of good points yet still feel the urge to have a say.
I was determined not to express my opinion on this week's terror attacks. I was determined to stay coward and let others flog each other with harsh and hurtful words. I managed to keep my thoughts to myself for maybe as long as a couple of days.
I strongly believe that words have a meaning; that they lead to thoughts and actions. The last few weeks have proven my belief truthful. I have the utmost respect for those who write well enough and talk well enough to be confident in presenting their point of view in respectful manners.
It doesn't feel like there is such a thing as justice. Maybe we are incapable of making the world fair. Maybe there is too much evil. Still I have trust in a future coloured with the shiny colour of kindness.
Maybe what is left is to tell the story of those innocent who suffer, and hope true empathy will be awakened.
I am ashamed to admit my feelings are stronger the closer to home tragedy strikes. For that I am sorry. It's not that suffering is less important far away, it is my capasity to take it all in which fails me.
As I write I see the identity of the victims in Paris begin to emerge. I am saddened by the thought of them, their family and the haunting thoughts. The "what ifs" which will be part of their mourning process. I hope they will find it in them to forgive. Hatred eats you up inside, and kills what's in you to love, and it kills the love you have in you to give.
There is hope, though. On social medias now people change their profile pictures into images covered in red, white and blue, to show support and condolances.
Long time ago, I wrote a blog posting I called “How To Speak Up”. I chose to write about a clip I found on youtube, which really and profoundly disturbed me. I still believe most of us have common grounds in values. And I believe we have it in us to be brave and yet not try to be bigger by putting others down.
I live such a comfortable life it is hard to imagine what it is like to live a life permeated with danger and total comprehensive fear. I am not so sure that I would be brave enough to do what I constantly claim I would do: never to let threats and random violence put any restrictions on my everyday life and lifestyle, simply because that would mean the wrong side won.
It's raining outside. Usually I love the rain, but tonight it feels like tears from the sky. It feels like the entire world is cried upon, an immersive hurt has struck.
“later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?
it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.”
― Warsan Shire
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