To be "hit" on hits hard.

Women have, as far as I know, always been subjects to unwelcome compliments from men. The men, in their cocky ignorance have whistled after, shouted out or gestured what they thought were expressions of admiration, while women often have taken it as insults.

Not because it has been too obvious to both people they know and strangers alike. Just about anyone who hears what’s been said, and see who is commented upon, causes us to crumble up inside, because we are sure we know what’s going on in their head. The men who do this are not really affected or in any way looked down on, not in my experience anyway, but the women who have gotten the attention feel far from admired.

Men who pass by assess the woman, and I am sure they think: “Hmmm….. okey, nice legs, but what’s with the hair?”, “ Hmmm…. Too much make-up for my taste, but the low cut is pleasant”.

Women are not that nice, usually, when they evaluate other women. I am sure they think: “Hah, yeah, right; that’s the kind of guy she gets attention from”. Or “Really? She’s not that great looking, not really”.

To be commented upon, loudly, on the street, or anywhere for that matter, brings the self-centred sides of us out. We speed up a bit to get away as fast as possible… not too much, just enough to feel we get out of there quicker. We hardly ever slow down, to give the passers by an extra close look of how good we look… unless we are in an extra good mood and nothing can disturb the feeling of being extraordinary. We scan through every detail about our looks, from when we last washed our hair, if the mid-life spread shows really well in this top, if the nails looks fine,  if the coat is the right colour, if our legs are shaved… the list of visible and invisible details is pretty long. And sadly enough: we always find that one thing which makes the attention thought upon as spiteful.

At work I was told (by a man) that I should wear more colours… it would compliment my personality more. Another man then said “Oh, she looks great in black”, on which I replied “Yeah, everyone looks slimmer in black… you do realize that whatever you say now; it will be wrong, right?”

He just shook his head and told me it’s too hard to be nice to anyone these days. I know I was bad, even though I said it with a laugh and didn’t really mean to criticize, it was more like laughing it off, but men do have a hard time finding nice things to say to women these days, which is not perceived as being hit on. We tend to forget that people can be just friendly, and to say something nice to someone might be just that: a friendly comment.

Now the interesting new thing has emerged: Men get spooked when they get approached by another man, because he might be gay, and they feel hit upon. I don’t know why they expect everybody gay to jump them and want more than you are willing to give, but it seems like they have that impression of gay men.

Women, when they get approached or complimented by other women, feel appreciated and acknowledged (unless it is obviously an ironic comment and it hits a hundred times harder... and irony is most times how we perceive nice things said to us, and we turn out to be nasty in reply, rather than nice to each other.

Men… well, they feel giggled upon, as if everything about them is wrong. No matter what mood they are in; they feel the amusing value of it all entertain whoever is in the vicinity. No matter if it is a woman or a man, regardless sexual orientation, who approach them.

What used to be a friendly comment to gain contact with someone, is a threat to their manliness. At least that is how they refer to the incident, if they feel they have to comment upon it.

What if my best friend in the entire world, regardless of sex or sexual orientation, is out there, and the only way he/she knows to get in contact with people is to give a sincere compliment? Whose loss would that be?