To change eachother

It never stops to amaze me how preoccupied we are that people should fit into our perception of an ideal person, a holder of the ultimate personlity. I don’t think I am an exception, even though it would be lovely and ideal and open-mineded and a signal of my unprejudiced self... but I am not perfect, and I an thankful I am not. Besides, I don’t think we are meant to be that opinionless on other people, it would be like carelessness if we were.
My first impression, when I meet someone, often leads to conversations with friends about how I find that person’s appearance, behaviour, voice, body language, gestures, habits (both good and bad), skills... the list goes on and on about what I noticed and find worth mentioning, based upon wheather I instantly like or dislike my new acquaintance.
I tend to ignore (deliberately?) the qualities which does not fit my perception.

Reading what I just wrote, I think, perhaps, I should be a bit worried because I understand I come across as rather superficial. Or not...?

I somehow believe it is part of human nature to evaluate both eachother, and others. We need to label people, to find their role and what part they play in our lives.

As early as 1222 Håvamål, Odins tale - Words of the High one (a collection of Old Norse poems from the Viking age) stated that:

Deyr fé,                                     Cattle die,
deyja frændr,                             kinsmen die
deyr sjálfr et sama;                     you yourself die;
ek veit einn,                               I know one thing
at aldri deyr:                              which never dies:
dómr um dauðan hvern.             the fate of the honored dead.
(Quotation from Number 77, which possibly is the most known section of Gestaþáttr)

Even back then they acknowledged a man’s reputation was noted and important.
Mankind has changed, but not that much, in 800 years.

Some qualities are more important in a partner than in a friend, and conversely.
For some reason I think the entertainment bit is more important in a friend, and I accept more outwardness and acting out in a friend, than in a partner. It is just something I do... even though I know we are independent individuals, it is hard not to think that my partner reflects me more than a friend does. He should represent what is good in me. Totally unrealistic, but still. And I don’t think I am the only one who think so.

If he has the wrong tie or wear worn out boots or say things I disagree with, I let him know. But I hate it, really hate it, when he comments upon what I wear, in a way I did not expect.

I don’t like to stand corrected either, so most of the time I try not to think too much about how I comment upon him and his ways.
A friend of mine, on the market for a new boyfriend, told me that she always made sure they never went for a meal on their first proper date.

When I asked her why, she just looked at me with an incomprehensing gaze and stated that: “If I see a man eat, and am presented to all his bad habits and manners at the table; I will never find a boyfriend”.

She might be right. I think to many people that is true. Most of us fall in love because of qualities in the other person, not in spite of.
Most relationships start out great, but then, after some time, one of the parties often try to change the other person into what they think they want from a partner.

Some times even the partner try to change, beyond personal growth, to please, because he or she thinks that is what is expected.

I often see how couples nag and suggest and offer and accept invitations to activities on the partner’s behalf; everything tiny improvements but added up, they may not be compatible with the person we fell in love with at first sight.