Happiness

Fashion is not something we deal with only in clothes, interior in a house, or any other appearance related matter. We also find fashion in lifestyle, values even emotions! Fashion pervade our entire being, whether we want it to, or not. There is no way we can avoid the influence fashion, as an impact to reckon with, has on our lives. Some of us insist they are totally unaffected, but to be totally unaffected you need to be aware and actively avoid… and then you focus a lot on fashion, in order to keep your own identity intact. It is hard work to escape the chase.

Sometimes, in the middle of all the tomfoolery surrounding me, I feel the need to reflect a little on the state of things. Lately the concept of happiness has emerged more often.

As a person I am more of a «the glass is half full» rather than «the glass is half empty», but I have my moments when I have to admit the «half full» people makes even me exhausted. In the midst of these ups and down I try to understand what happiness really is. And yet: I crawl up inside when they say that there is more to life than we are living. Why not settle for MORE? More being wide awake. More moments that take your breath away. More deep belly laughs. More of being real. More of giving your best. More soaking it in? All of it wonderful and great guidelines to a good life, but… for some odd reason it sounds like memorized mantras put like that. And I don’t think I can explain why I feel that.

I mean; We are, after all, captured in a mayhem of happiness with media, and wise guys, telling us we need to make an effort to be happy. And if we are happy, we should be even happier. It’s like it is an obligation to be happy all the time. Living in one of the best countries to live in, in the world, we are supposed to show the world how happy we are, while we work out, eat healthy (following the diet of the week), and showing off our wealth.

Family, friends, work and the great love of our life proves the manifestation, making it hard to exit, to break out of, the pink cloud of euphoric happiness the media and public speakers tell us we deserve and should embrace.

I surfed a bit online to find out what happiness is. We all have an idea of ​​what happiness really is, and yet I find that we talk at cross purposes when we talk, write or read about being happy. Some are preoccupied with what they have and need to be happy, others believe almost the opposite: to be happy, you are happier the less you own. The inherent evil of things hits hard, they say. There's very little agreement on what happiness is or what causes us to be happy.

I did find something really neat though: “Mapping Emotions On The Body…” http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/12/30/258313116/mapping-emotions-on-the-body-love-makes-us-warm-all-over 

It shows how love makes us warm all over, but do take notice: Happiness makes us warmer. (My thirteen year old looked at the picture while I explained it to him, and then said: “Mum, I know why people fight!”)

"I want to be happy!", "I'm so happy!" , I hear it all the time, whenever friends make drastic changes in their life, whether they leave a partner, quit their jobs, get engaged or is pregnant. You never say you're happy on everyday basis. Something extraordinary has to happen for us to feel the happiness we in the media are told we deserve all the time. When you feel the spring surge in your veins, and everything is just lovely ... yes, that is happiness!
But ... you can’t change your circumstances of life all the time. Then all of us would turn silly and stressed, and thus also very unhappy.

On my search online I found a disturbing amount of tips on how to be happy. I sorted them into 9 categories… and then discovered that what is considered important to be happy in my case is a utopia. It does not fit into my lifestyle to find happiness. I am not quite convinced that it is happiness, as a euphoric state, we are really looking for, either.
Most of us are not self- centered enough to spend all that time on ourselves and our own self-realization. Other people actually limit us quite a lot, simply because we take into account and realize the circle of people who are significant to us, often we sacrifice something for them to have a good life.

The yearning and pursuit of happiness is by no means something new. What is new, is that we are told this is what we should strive for to lead a meaningful life. I don’t really get that, maybe because I am quirky, but I grew up learning happiness is something you achieve together with others. Today I sense the “me” appear as the nagging refrain. Kind of funny that everybody focuses on themselves, and is insulted everybody else isn’t doing so as well. But they are busy focusing on themselves too, so there you go.

I think that many people are unhappy because they feel they are not important for anyone. I don’t think I am someone “important”, but there are many people I certainly should have invested more in, people I love immensely, but who I never invest enough time and attention in. Family is after all there, they don’t stop being family no matter how often, or rare, you see them. It's a good argument when you stifle your (bad) conscience, I'll call later, some time.

The truth is that I should draw attention to those I love. Not force myself on them being intrusive, but a little bit, once in a while. A text message on your birthday, for example, it doesn’t cost the world, neither time nor money, but it can make a big difference in the long run.
Even better to send a letter or card in the mail. I love to receive something other than advertising and bills in the mail. Maybe, just maybe, others like that too?

I have an aunt who is incredibly good at that, and I decide here and now to have a goal to be as good: Every birthday I get a letter, and the feeling of being remembered is infinitely good. I have a long way to go to reach that goal. However, it's a fairly new year, new birthdays coming up... Tomorrow I'll find all the birthdays and store them on my phone, along with updated phone number. Yes, I’m going to get it done tomorrow.
I guess I am very lucky to be someone who is seen every day. I get attention at work, at home… even the staff at the grocery store knows me by name.

I have no idea what the right answer to what happiness really is, but ... although I shiver and tremble with freezing cold (perhaps not that strange as it is, after all, winter, and the wind has been whistling cold and hard for over a month now) spring is already well underway within me. I thaw and feel warmer inside, and although this is not the correct definition to what happiness is, I am sure it applies?