Happiness #1 Spend time with friends.

An American study stated that 43% of married people were “very happy”, opposed to 24% of the unmarried. One of the reasons to this is that married people spend less time alone. They constantly are stimulated by others, are more active, energetic, engaged and enthusiastic.

If you are not married, you can become happy by spending time a lot, with friends.

I spend quite a lot of time alone. When you are the only adult, a lot, in a family with children, you can’t just drop everything to be with friends. Not that I have that many friends. I mean: I do see other grownups: coworkers, parents shivering on the sideline cheering the kids on while clattering teeth so badly a chewing gum is worn out in seconds. It’s not easy to keep a conversation going then… so there we are; embracing ourselves watching the kids running after the ball in flock. I meet them at the grocery store and whenever our paths cross… but the friendly cups of coffee are pitifully few.

When you find 10 minutes to spare; with nothing to do, someone who needs listening to or the batteries in your run-down body need to charge, our recesses from everyday life are not synchronously. 

We don’t raise our glasses in uproarious hilarity too often, either. It’s too much of an effort to arrange for a babysitter and a ride, just to hold the stem of a wineglass while waiting for “the call” in an alert state of anxiety.

The phone-calls always come. Sometimes I regret teaching the youngest one how to use the phone and my number. Five minutes after bedtime it is time to negotiate: it’s like clockworks: the phone always rings. Every time.

It’s a lot easier to just stay at home: I get a break from running by the clock, the kids get in bed on time and I don’t have to make plans on how to get home by the end of the night. (I know there is such a thing as taxis, but there’s the wait for it to arrive too, and that may take quite some time where I live.)

I do have the abilities and the will to get out of the house to see friends in casual settings, it’s not that. But after a long day at work, or a long week of constantly chasing the clock, it’s a blessing to give in to an inertly feeling, and just stay at home.  The general shortage of time makes me actually appreciate those rare occasions of lulling myself in domestic leisurely pace.  

Liam Neeson once said something like «the days pass by so slowly, but the years fly by so fast». It is so true. It has happened I have told someone that we really have to get together sometime soon… and suddenly months have passed by, and I didn’t even realize! When did all that time happen? What did I do which was so important and busy?

I like to say time doesn’t pass, it comes. But now that the kids are well on their way becoming more independent I find myself wondering if I missed out. I don’t really think so, but there is always that tiny, little voice in the back of my head which makes me have doubts about if I’m right.

I’m freaking out thinking about how fast time goes by. I didn’t have many new year’s resolutions, but I had a few. Still haven’t gotten time to really execute any of them. I was going to become so much better at organizing my life, home and family. I was going to treat myself better, focus more on my looks and appearance (I figure I am old enough to turn a little vain).

But then I start thinking: Do I really struggle with it as much as I think I do? Because I do really well at work, and my kids have turned out so great, bless them, and I do really well with the thrill of all of a sudden being thrown the impossible and making it possible. It’s a stressful period while I am making it happen but once I do, it is a complete rush. It must mean I am good at extemporizing.

Fortunately new Mondays come about, and Mondays are great days to start anew. (Last Monday was another bad day to do so, but another one is coming up in a week, soon enough for it to be executed within reasonable time, I think.)

Another thing is friends… I mentioned earlier I don’t have a lot of friends. I feel I have to explain that a little. It’s not like as if I don’t have a social circle of acquaintances.

So, where do I start… When I see friends or acquaintances usually the first thing they ask me is: Is he offshore? And that kind of sets the tone for the rest of our conversation. When he is offshore I’m more or less regarded as single. (Singles my age really have quite a few challenges, I tell you.) The phone turns noticeable quieter. It hardly rings unless it’s my mother, or my kids don’t pick up their mobile (usually because they forgot to charge the battery) and their friends need to talk to them. Socially things turn more absent, even though it’s not really something to boast about anyway, but still.

I lose both on circle of friends and status. I guess it’s fair to say it’s not a good idea to base my happiness on my social life.  

That being said; even though I run painfully dry of topics to talk about once both children and work are done with, and even though I sometimes lull myself in dreams about both me and my life were different, I may be alone, but never lonely. I am lucky to thrive in my own quirky, eccentric and twisted company.

I have no idea what the right answer to what happiness really is, but ... although I shiver and tremble with freezing cold (perhaps not that strange as it is, after all, winter, and the wind has been whistling cold and hard for over a month now) spring is already well underway within me. I thaw and feel warmer inside, and although this is not the correct definition to what happiness is, I am sure it applies?