40+ bags... of clothes...?

My this year's 40 bags in 40 days decluttering mission, is over. By defenition, that is, but far from in reality. Just like every of the previous years I stay on the mission of getting rid of yet another bag every day.

Just in case you have missed out on what 40 bags in 40 days is about, here is the challenge ecplained:

The 40 Bags in 40 Days challenge typically happens during Lent, but you could do it any time of year. For 40 days, you commit to decluttering one bagful of stuff from your home each day. After 40 days, you will have decluttered a ton of stuff!

For 40 days I follow fellow declutterers on facebook, blogs and podcasts, and pat myself on my shoulder for beeing good too. Some times I brag about my progress and tell them I am pleased. Other times I just post a sigh.

Although... some of those women, and a very few men, go bananas and hire crazy big containers and attack their long protected and designated clutter like nuts.

They post before and after photos of their house, and get feedback from strangers, who in a strange way become an allied cheering squad, friends and supporters. We follow eachother's ups and downs in all kinds of everyday happenings.

I have cleaned up, and sorted out, my wardrobe, pretty OK. I still have lots there I never wear, but there's no longer fear involved when I need to find something to wear. I used to be afraid piles of folded clothes would fall and bury me.

I have rearranged my furniture, and I think my new arrangement has created a tiny bit of more space. More floor to move on, easier to clean. and shedded fur from my dog can no longer hide... it's all good. Not only does it look better, but there is something calming about knowing my house is a better place than it used to be. Better in the sense of not overwhelming to take on when I tidy up or have to clean.

Cleaning is a constant struggle because of furniture and their legs. Chairs and odd bits of furniture skattered about, really hinder my mop. But not anymore.

Anyway. My 40 days, through lent, have yet again been good to me and my house.

Only... do you find that in the middle of tidying up and cleaning, the house looks worse than ever?

I look around and find complete chaos. Even now, months later.

In my head I have this vision of what it will turn out to be like, but somehow I just can't get to the point when things just land in place

I am not a hoarder, but I have never been able to throw perfectly fine things away. I might need them, some day, and in my head I have this idea it would be really stupid to throw something away, and then go buy the exact same thing, only new.

I've not yet needed anything I've put away, though. I am soon 47 years old, and it may be time for me to accept that every thing had its time and use.

There is a good chance the thought sneaked upon me when I last week discovered I have no more room in my storage upstairs the carport.

And why would I want to keep a mattress which was never comfortable? I have 4 of those. They take up a lot of space.

My biggest trouble is my clothes. I have printed checklists on how to do it, but never can bring myself to really, truly, devote myself to execute.

I have hardly ever thrown away attire... which means I have even 30 years old garment in my wardrobe, which never looked good in the first place.

In every other aspect of my life I am a pragmatic. And it hurts I have not yet learned to be, and act, logical about clothes. I never wear most of what is in my closet, nor do I think about it a lot, but when it comes to getting rid of it I can stand in front of this insuperable mass of fabric and colours and I can't find anything to get rid of.

Paradoxically I always have problems what to wear. I usually blame my body being too big, too curvy, too pale... but it's not the case, really. It's more a question of how the amount makes it a hotchpotch, rather than a lucid selection of items to wear.

I really want to dress and accessorize, and apply the philosophy to my personal appearance that my family can feel proud I belong in their pack. I don't feel they can now, even though I know they are generous enough to do so.

It has come to the point I understand this affects my family, my house and my state of mind. I understand there is a need I become an Upholder. I need to stay tidy and cut back so we all can feel that the effects ground us all and allow our home to spark joy for my family and me. I have friends who would really like to take on some of it. Friends who can't afford to just go out and buy a new outfit. I have a friend I would trust to go through it all, leaving only what she thinks becomes me, but it is hard to ask for help. In a strange way that makes me even more vulnerable.

It is hard to be a strong person when it comes to that: being exposed. Even when it comes to friends you trust.

I read an article about Marie Kondo where she stated: “Tidying is the act of confronting yourself; cleaning is the act of confronting nature.”

I think I just have to do just that. Soon. Sometime in the near future.