I'm back!

It’s been a long time since I last wrote on my blog. I guess there are two obvious explanations, on my part, for me not posting anything: Either I make a lot of excuses (well, you probably didn’t miss my texts anyway, so that is rather unnecessary and pointless) or I can pick up posting texts as if nothing happened.

This is a rather transitory forum: There is a LOT of blogs on the net. Most of them has been shut down, abandoned or forgotten about. To many writing a blog, and keeping it up, is rather time-consuming. I would not feel guilty for just leaving this blog behind and never give it another thought. Or so I could probably fool myself into thinking.

Thing is; however bad or silly I might write; when days are busy and flustered with hardly time to inhale properly even once, I get this calm feeling when I let my fingers do the work as they run over the keyboard and type whatever ramble which should happen to run through my mind.

To write has become a valve through which I let me escape from being there for others all the time, and from my name being yelled.

My name is never just spoken as if in a conversation. It is yelled numerous times through the day in different tones of voices, for different reasons, in different degrees of patience...: Sometimes I hate my name. Not because I hate it per se, but most often it is not me, as a person, people call for: they call my name in order to get something from me. Things, money, help, food, attention… the list of reasons why people, very young and older, call my name is close to endless.

I didn’t stop writing all together for this period of time. I finished off the schoolyear reviewing end of term tests, grading exams, preparing for next year, and I just didn’t feel the computer was friendly to me. Strange as it is. My laptop became another demanding element, not human (or my dog, which really knows how to make demands), but nevertheless.

I turned to the old fashioned notebook, writing my thoughts down with a pen. The feeling of the pen running over the page, line by line, creating words in my own personal handwriting was wonderful. It was like finding a long lost friend. I savoured these handwritten pages, with their doodles in the margins, but after I had finished two notebooks, and started on my third, I looked at the notebooks and realized they would become dust collectors taking up space I don’t have. I have stacks of papers I am trying to deliberate myself from already, this was adding to the piles.

It is so much better so save my scribblings where they don't collect dust and only occupy insignificant quantity of space (that sounded very appropriate). So…: I’m back!