Yes, I should, but I don't want to. I need to, though.

Imagine what could have been, if only...
What if I could get up in the morning, rise and shine, and feel like exercising?
Some people actually do, you know. Some people have made it a habit to gain energy, good spirits and vitality through the sacrifice of knowingly giving up a generous sleep in, almost every day.

They get up and hit the gym, or the swimmingpool, before work. They ride their bicycle to work every day, regardless of weather. Some have lunchbreaks long enough to work out at a nearby gym.
(That one I am excused from, my lunch is 25 minutes long. It would have been ridiculous to get there, get changed, work out, shower, get dressed and get back to work in 25 minutes. Not sure even Superman could have done that. My superpowers are being a mom and teaching, not speed.)

I so admire the stamina they show being persistent about staying, or getting, in shape. I wish I had self dicipline enough to get those muscles working, to push myself to the limit of gasping for air, make the pulse pound so fast and so hard I can feel it.

In spite of the apparent sacrifices, they gain the admiration of others, for being totally selfish and they don't have to go through the looks unfit people get from others, you know, the look which says: wow, how some people let themselves go is really impressive and totally impossible to phathom. Besides it's beyond unattractive.

Some say keeping up working out is not at all hard in summer, because the entire getting to location and just "be" in the present is lovely and an adventure in itself. That is when you really feel life going on here and now.

However, when its cold and wet, you just want to stay where it's warm and cuddly and nice and well, just not get up. You are perfectly fine where you are: In bed.
Problem is: you don't work up a sixpack and firm upper arms while resting.

I've talked about it for some time. Now that my youngest is so independent and responsible (he is VERY responsible. I have no idea where he got that character from), I should start bicycling to work. At least some days a week. It's only 13 kilometres, and lots of people do it every day.

I like to think I am just like any other deadly person, I can do same thing most others do, but... I was all set and mentally ready to bicycle to work.... then I woke up and it was raining; I chickened out.
I know many don't blame me, because bicycling in the rain, getting wet and tired and cold is really no fun. On the other hand: when you are wet through you can't get any wetter, and I will change into dry clothes ones I get there...

I don't know why I find it such an effort. I mean, I know I am spoiled rotten driving my own car to work. I don't have to take the bus or train or anything. I have done it for so many years, I guess I should be content having had such an easy travel to work for so many years...
but its miserable to wait for the bus or run from the busstop, carrying a heavy bag, when it raining.

It's no fun when it is windy cold and wet. It is temporarily uncomfortable, but as long as you are moving you stay warm, so it really isn't all that bad.

And, again: I live in Norway. If rain stops me, I really won't get anywhere

Autumn is knocking on the door, and in all honesty I don't mind the seasons. They all have their own charme. I love the colours, I love all the underestimated pleasures autumn gives me. What I do mind is all the excuses the season offers.

I am too old to make excuses. I need to think about all the years I was left happy not making any effort to stay fit, then I had all the years when I should have made an effort, but had a lot of good reasons not to. Now the time has come to pay for the break.

For 30 years my body looked quite ok. For the last 15 years, life has given me scars and marks which tell the story of my life. I am not that old yet... but will be soon. 

I should be able to find time to stay fit and healthy... maybe lose a few pounds... or many.
I should become better, you know? make an effort to become the best version of myself. 
Funny how I know this, and still don't set my mind on sticking to it.

I could, of course, choose the easy way out and get some surgery done to enhance my appearance, but to me it somehow feels like cheating, 
My body should reflect my life and my lifestyle, so to workout should be just as natural to me as to eat healthy, if I am concerned enough to spend time thinking about it. Not proud of the fact that I do, but I do. 
Guess I am more vain than I like to give myself credit for.

There is always time to make changes, to exercise and eat better. The process of preparing for a surgery is time consuming and quite straining. A lot must be in place before you go under the knife. You could just keep up the work and get results on your own.

Liposuction doesn't give you a healthier lifestyle, it only gives you a break from the lifestyle you have acquired over time. 
To me it would be like cheating. BUT, I do see the need if you have proper medical problem that requires it, and you need a wake up call and a jump start.

For many years I was so bothered by my friends who took gastro bypass surgeries done. I realise now how they affected me, actually, I haven't really understood untill now how much it bothered me.

Imagine how proud of myself I would feel if I achieve all that naturally. Without the talking and commenting on what to eat, what not to eat, what to wear, which nips and tucs must be done due to losing too much weight too fast.
But I have to admit I am impatient, and lack selfdicipline. Terrible combination, but it's true.

I should add pride to my list on pros and cons. I should become more proud.

It's good to have goals, and what I am at right now is to design a possible plan for thinking about maybe getting started being more set for a goal.
Every journey starts with a small step

Getting started is the hardest part, simply because I am a procrastinator by nature, I have to fight that. And I know I am stupid not to take on the challenge. The only person to lose is me, if I don't fight my flaws.

You know.... I really don't give myself an easy way out here. What I do is actually telling the entire world I need a change, I know this and I am an idiot if I don't do anything about it.

Did I want an easy way out? My "here-and-now" does. My "here-and-now" so wants an easy way out, but my shopping for a dress for christmas wants the harder way.
My self esteem in wait, wants to wear that really stark blue dress with bold pride knowing that I didn't cheat.
Oh, I Would be so stuck up nose about it, I would be unbearable to be around for months and months on. Telling everybody I could now climb stairs with more ease and all that.

Hmmmm. getting to brag and be totally entitled to... there is an incentive worth paying some thought to.

When Computers Compute... Or Whatever They Do

Computers tend to frustrate me; a lot! Always has, right from my first encounter with a "New Brain".
I chose computer as elective subject in school in 1984.
My father got a terrible rash when I aired my wish for choosing crafts, miniature shooting, taking the certificate to ride a moped or another light subject. He stated "computers are the future!" And that was end of discussion.

So I hammered away on a keyboard I knew nothing about, in a language called Basic, which I knew nothing about, and my teacher barely knew even that.
What I remember from those classes is something like:
10 print "Bjorg is cool"
20 goto 10
run

Picture stolen from racketboy.com

I learned enough to help my cousin type in meters long lists of codes, in order to get games on his computer. Codes which, after error checks and completed typing, would be stored on cassettes after days of effort.
Then we had to load the cassettes into the computer every time we wanted to play a game.

Great things have happened within digital innovations since then. The mouse, the floppy discs, the discettes, internet, cd-rom, USB, the size, the weight, the graphics... you name it. It is hard to avoid computers and using them now.
Personal service and a friendly smile has been replaced by digits and keys.

Actually I know nothing about computers. My son accidentally broke the screen on his laptop (you can't tell by looking at it, you have to turn it on to see the image of a broken screen!?), and I have no idea what to look for in order to buy him the right one.

So I haven't gotten him a new one yet... rom, ram, processer, graphics... which is what and why and how is not very clear to me, simply because I normally take no interest.

Just for fun I went into a store and told the young man working there I wanted a red laptop. He turned slightly pale and asked what I was looking for?
-I just want a red laptop, I replied.
-But, surely you have some priorities on how you use it and what you use it for?
-No, it must be red!
Even though I felt a bit sorry for the poor guy, I wasn't going to tell him I already knew which laptop I wanted, and that I knew that was the only one they got in the colour red.
It was almost as if he hesitated to sell me a laptop, all together, he acted as if he was in distress. I am sure he needed a well deserved break after I left.

No, I know very little about computers, but just like the car: I am fairly ok at using it.

Internet has always been my friend, ever since 1992, when we got our first analog modem and listened to the terrible noise, for quite a few minutes, to get online.... and find nothing.
Back then it was almost as if we wanted to find something on the internet, we had to put it out there ourselves. And we did. No pictures, though, mind you.

Today my entire life is, to some degree, connected to computers and internet. Hah, even the sky. My thoughts, my doings, my commitments, my finances... it's all there. And it is convenient most of the time.

Last week I was reminded to order milk at school for my kids, and I placed the order, paid and scheduled it.
Problem is, it is too advanced. It annoys me. Too many parties are taking advantage.
So many sites are so filled with contents it takes forever to download and access. The better internet I got, the less patience I notice I have. I get more impatience now than I did before.

And where did I store my work and pictures? I have a C:, a D:, an F:, then I have the mutual external hard drive and the "sky". Trying to keep up order is really a mastermind task.

For some time things got even more complicated, and false links sneaked in, even on my online bank.
I wrote customer service, telling them how disappointed I was to experience they offered prizes on their customers' surveys, which were actually expensive subscriptions I committed to, unless it was unsubscribed within 2 days.
They wrote me back and told me it was the toolbar on my computer, not them.

When I opened a page, another one would open as well, with a video of a man telling me how to make lots of money in no time and with no effort.
I didn't want any of it, and tried to clean my laptop from everything my virus control reacted to... and then some. Not quite sure what I removed, but I did remove something, just not the right thing.

Needless to say, I got very frustrated. Foul words and stomping my foot in annoyance did no good. I couldn't figure it out.

I have an online friend in London, who I early on adopted as my computer oracle. We were chatting and I poured out my distress, complaining about how frustrated I was, but no, I wanted to be stubborn and do it myself.... of course I gave in.
I gave him the code and password and soon I could see the mouse moving on my screen, clicking this and that, entering folders and files... it was scary. It was like a sci fi happening right before my very eyes. Not only did it happen, but suddenly I got this feeling of someone tampering with my private life. I have no secrets, but that somehow didn't matter much.

I told him how uncomfortable it was.
- I saw nothing, I just did the job.

I was so grateful when we checked the laptop after: no pop ups, no extra "informative" pages, no ads covering what I wanted to read... I didn't really care. Besides I know him well enough to trust him.

Then I saw it:
-But, but... when I enter the control panel to check on programs to uninstall, it's there! I have not been able to delete it! You didn't delete it!
Even when I wrote these comments I was thinking how cunning it was to take the opportunity to get access to my laptop and go through the most private I've got in my life: my files on my computer. Yes, I am shameful to admit the doubt sneaked in on me for a split second.

-It's not there, it's empty. There is nothing in there.
He is my computer oracle, after all, and I know he knows what he is talking about, but there was this brief moment of sadness when I thought about how everything I have learned about computers for the last 30+ years crumbled.
I have learned that computers is nothing but 0s and 1s, but every 0 and every 1 are significant, and suddenly a troublesome folder, which can't be removed, is of no significance. It is only there to annoy me and pretend to be a problem!

The next day I got Windows 10, which was sent to me because I had reserved it. All I had to do was to click on the link, and it downloaded, installed, configured apps, shut down and started up again my computer several times... by itself.

Computers are machines, which only do what we tell them to do. If I tell it to do the wrong thing, the wrong thing is done.
Now I struggle with the thought of what if the link had been a mock link, and someone took advantage of my trust in windows?