Redecorating

Spring is (nearly) in the air, and in the true spirit of the season I'm redecorating. Now, I'm not very interested in interior design; maybe because I don't have many choices when it comes to furniture and art: most of my furniture is not chosen, but inherited (old, home made treasures that are solid and stained in dark hues) and the art is for the most part painted by relatives. Not really interior I can get rid of and feel good about it. They are gorgeous, I have to say, but not really fashionable. And they are really hard to move about, simply because of their size. Another thing is that I can't very well place an armoire in front of a window, can I?
Sometimes it seems as if everything in my house has a history and a story.
I have a fairly new house, though, so the walls are up for changes. They don't hold that much precious past... yet.

One of the major benefits of having a husband who works offshore in the North Sea is that he is gone, away from home, for an extended period of time.
I'm not thinking about the fact that he's gone, like physically, that's not really all that cool. We miss him when he's not around, but it does open an intriguing window to possebilities not many really have.

Being a single parent now and again is incredibly frustrating, sometimes; When he is gone, I have my routine and there isn't a lot of room for unforseen troubles. The children know what I expect of them, and all chores are done without the big confrontation.
When he comes home, it creates tamper in the system, and every effort I have put into making a flawless system and dicipline is out the window. That's just how it is and as it should be, because we are so different as parents. Still annoying, but how it should be.

No, I'm thinking about the fact that when he is gone, he is not at home, so it's my house and my castle: I am all-powerful queen of the home.

Last time he left for work, I was up for winter break. Last week in February all schools have a week's break. A full week at home. For once the car wasn't going to be packed with luggage, skiing equipment, winter clothes and 20 pairs of shoes. My youngest son wanted to attend the before and after school program (which we call SFO), my teen was going to a winter camp and my oldest son had to go to work. It was going to be a week when I could enjoy several days at home alone during the day.

This was an opportunity I could be tempted by. And I was. And I gave in to temptation.

My living room has been ripe for renovation for a long time.
Ever since the house was new 10 years ago, the livingroom has been a constant annoyance.
When the house was new, I decided to invest in a pricy wallpaper in the living room which I really liked. It was a wallpaper I fell for, and I rejoiced over having it jewel my walls. A golden yellow silk wallpaper with stripes. Absolutely beautiful, light and dainty.

You will never believe how badly I have regretted my choice! It began with our agreement with the carpenters who would mount the mouldings after I had hung the wallpaper. I hung the wallpaper... and when I was finished the plumber came into the room, ran his hand over the smooth and napped stripes and  the first black rainbow appeared on the wall.
In retrospect the kids have been lying upside down on the couch. Dark shadows from worn socks and sticky hands have been carefully covered up by wall decor ala large stickers with poppies. The charm and joy of the tapestry lasted, in other words, not very long.

This time I have been more reasonable. We chose an environmental wallpaper with narrow stripes. I say we, but the truth is that my husband chose it. It was a good choice.

First thing on the project was to get the man out of the house.

Second thing on the agenda: Tear down the old wallpaper.
A terrible job. When wet it behaved completely "Jelly". It had to be torn down dry, and I have to give myself the credit: it was thoroughly papered! It was quite stuck, it was fragile, and had to be pealed off the walls bit by bit, and it took for ever. Nearly the entire winter break went by drinking coffee while I stared fiercely at the walls, before I pulled myself together and continued.
The disadvantage of such projects is that once you have started, you must complete.

Third thing: Base coat.
I went shopping. Primers, wallpaper paste, rolls, brushes, masking tape ... and since I was at it anyways: I chose the colors of paint I wanted... (still find them gorgeous).
I think I was incredibly fair when I bought the paint. The palette, different shades of gray, we had agreed upon.
You see: We have a new TV! A huge black monster that dominated the bright living room. The only thing which caught the eye when you entered the room was the big, black, curved screen. A darker color will "hide" it more; make it less obvious.

Color samples were laid on the floor, I took a picture and emailed it offshore. In my opinion he was both warned and consulted BEFORE I asked them to blend and mix the paint. (He did not answer until late that evening, but that is a totally different side of the story. Fortunately the answer was: "nice colors.")

When you have boys in the house who eagerly help, a lot of work around the house takes way too long. So I borrowed a good working-light of a friend, and worked after the children's bedtime. I know it's not common sense to do this kind of work after midnight every night, but it works fine for me.

The base coat was done in a night, and hanging the wallpaper also went by fast and smoothly. One of the things I am the most satisfied with is how all the seams and edges are really smooth and crisp.

Of course redecorating the room took a lot longer than I expected. So when my husband came home, he arrived just in time for the real paintwork to be done.
With horror he noticed that the TV was gone from the living room and the electricity was gone. I had taken the covers off all switches and contacts, in order to get the work done properly. (Next time "we" want to redecorate, all it will take is a coat of paint.)

He rolled up his sleeves and just got to work. The wall where we are to mount the TV was pained within a few, short hours... and then he slowed down. He continued to paint the walls, but now cross country skiing world championship was on, so a lot of the time he watched TV, rather than helping getting the room done.
I don't really mind. He's got his ways of doing things, and often I step back so we don't get in eachother's hair.

Now all which is left is to remove the masking tape and patch up the paint with a small brush. Skirtings and mouldings as well.
But I paint those in about three weeks ...

My Valentine

It's just been that time of year, when people of all ages in the USA focus on hearts, cards and flowers. Valentine's Day, February 14.

Here, Valentins day is really no big deal.... actually only shops try to make us mark the day in a kind of special way... and they do a good job at it, but we don't have the tradition, the mentality or the confident awareness of what it should be like to be really a marking of a romantic evening.

Looking at my American friends, and Americans in general's postings on social medias, I have to wonder if all the pouting from unsatisfied girlfriends and the chase for good enough love tokans is worth it?

The pictures posted on facebook and instagram makes me really wonder if spending time together is such a rare occasion that it is crusial to pose, and take the picture of a happy couple... and then make the meal last forever by posting the picture of the plate served... before you start eating. I can only imagine the scenery and the conversation as the upheaven takes place.

I probably should admit that secretly I feel a tiny bit envious on these couples making an effort to revive romance in their relationship. It is special to dress up and set off an entire evening to the mission of making the other significant partner feel special.

Hours, days, weeks, months, years pass by so quickly, and in the midst of everyday most of us are really not good at saying something extra nice to the one we love. We don't create that special setting to show off what's in our hearts. We don't spend time planning how to please the other one the most.

But: we live, eat, talk, laugh, frown, fall asleep on the couch, watch TV, do the laundry, and all the "nothings" that make up our days.

We forget to talk, to communicate, with one another. I know it's easy to think "He knows me by now, he should know this without me saying", but when we stop talking, and telling, it is easy to think we stop caring. We get caught in a cycle of discontent, and nothing grows as solid and durable as that.

Some times the nicest thing we do to eachother all day is hold in that instant harsh comment so totally uncalled for, and yet so tempting to make.

All marriages, any relationship, actually, have their ups and down. It's easy to say "Never give up", but sometimes all you really want is to get away. Maybe not for good, but for a while. Just to get some space to breath and be yourself. But the words "I'm leaving" holds room for interpretations we never intended.

The things he or she did, which you once thought cute, just turn annoying because we tried to change our partner into more like us. We want things done the way we do them.

I, for one, struggle with this. I think I give him the slack he needs to bother do what he sees needs to be done. And (this is something I am rather proud of) I don't follow him around and straighten up the things I feel should have been done differently. If he dresses the kids, I don't make him change their jumper because I feel another one would be more appropriate or fitting. I don't fold the towels again; the right way. I let him clean the floor without pointing out the spots he misses out...
Most of the time. But I struggle. Especially since I am alone with the kids two or three weeks at a time. And then he comes home from work, and reign the house on his own during daytime and messes up all the routines and order I have created during his absence.

To stand corrected no matter how hard you try can be really discouraging. We, especially women I am sad to say, tend to forget that. And when he does nothing we complain about that too. Oh, that was such a bad thing of me to write, but I see many couples struggle with issues like that. In all fairness: we do too.

So, we don't go out on Valentine's Day, if he ever brought me flowers on any day of the week (or weekend) I would get suspicious wondering what he had been up to. Even though I love chocolate I would feel fat if he bought me any... unless it's a special occasion there is no winning.

The little things we do: the stroke on his back as he passes by, the "hi, how was your day?", the dinner on the table, soup or any other in-a-pot-dish reheated, straight from the freezer in the store, the eager to do the laundry, even though it always makes me feel like I have gained weight because they shrunk two sizes...

When we stop and think and realize the little things we do to show we care it means so much more to our relationship than a planned day out to show our friends how much we invest in our life together... (the long sentence only illustrating the length of my marriage...ehm)

BUT, that being said: it would have been nice to have one night out a year, in the name of old fashioned courting... you know... just because.