Happiness #2 Forget salary increase.

To go out with friends increases your sense of happiness, however going to the mall doesn’t. Of course it can be a buzz to get a new dress or a flat screen TV, but that buzz is very temporary. The more you buy, the more you want. Same thing happens if you get an increase in salary; soon you take the extra money on your account every month for granted, and you turn discontented and unhappy again, and you want more, more, more...  

I don’t go out much. Maybe I hesitate because of the nature of my job, or maybe because I’m just plain boring, but I don’t really like it.

Most places you go to, to have a night out (apart from restaurants, that is) play music so loud you feel it in your guts. I don’t understand that. The quality of sound doesn’t improve just because the loudspeakers blast out volume to the limit of capacity (including unnerving jarring and dissonance). Quality of sound doesn’t improve just because it is loud, but I understand some people think so. Now, don’t misunderstand me: there is no better therapy than laying down on the floor, letting loud music wash over you and invade you entire body, but not when you are out with friends. We don’t want to scream our lungs out, just to let our friends know we are going to powder our nose. The bawl makes both my throat go dry (good for business, I suppose) and me a bit nervous. Experience tells me that at that moment; when you really tell in an impatient, overly clear and crispy voice, the music stops, and everybody hears the most private and embarrassing part of your message loud and clear.

When the music stops we discover how few actually talk together, as the premises go dead silent.

It’s like as if we are there on our own, all of us, together. Don’t forget now: I love music. Music is a great part of my life. If I was to talk about anything at all in capital letters, it would be music. I enjoy most genres (right now, as I am writing this, I listen to Crazy by Patsy Cline. Lovely!) Not fond of techno, though, but that’s a different topic.

When we finally come to a place where the music is muffled to a level possible to have a conversation at, with almost no exceptions, previous students approach me and tell about their present life, income salary and how great life is now that they have finished school and don’t have me as their teacher anymore. I really think it’s nice to hear they are doing well, but not when I am not at my best behavior.

The biggest advantage of eating out is actually not to do the dishes myself. That is a reasonable good excuse to eat out by itself, but the meal isn’t always all that. Too often it is overcooked, blend, cold and overpriced.

So, when I stand there at the bus stop, waiting for my bus to appear, dressed up and freezing, wondering where it’s safe to look, I usually just wish I was already at home.

Happiness to me is not to go out. The talk flows easier around the kitchen table at home, and coffee is served in big enough mugs with free refill. Wine is chosen from personal liking and taste, and the snacks have not been fondled by a number of strangers with questionable habits as far as personal hygiene and washing hands is concerned. 

To buy more the more you make… I admire people who are groomed and well dressed, even wish I was more like that myself. The thing is that when I for once really pay attention to… let’s say my hair, I go outside and the rain or wind, or both, makes the hour spent in front of the mirror a total waste. Being a mum means you constantly end up in situations when you have to step in or step up. To avoid the huge outfit and looks disasters and minimize the damage caused by weather and sticky fingers I go for the natural look, most of the time. (How I now and again comfort myself by looking at my wedding picture is a totally different story. I designed my dress (and the bouquet), and my mother made it from silk specially imported. I was very pretty that day, I think.)

I buy clothes online late at night. After work I have to pick up kids, cook dinner, do homework with the kids, make sure the kids get to their after school activities alright, supper must be served, bedtime routines, walk the dog, chores around the house… you know, run the family and our home. When I finally get time to spare the only store still open is IKEA. I can only bring so much furniture and Swedish crispbread into this house (Which are delicious, by the way, the crispbread I mean).

The most exciting thing about IKEA is to watch and eavesdrop to others who shop there. Usually, when you shop something for your house, you are looking for something you need. Walking through IKEA (and you have to walk through cause most shortcuts are blocked, so you end up walking the endless trail), you hear people comment upon the different items and nick-nacks displayed. The most intriguing comment I hear is: “That’s pretty awesome, I wonder where I can find space for it at home?” We fall for clever solutions, beautiful colors and design so simple it is exciting. We just simply feel we need it… and most definitely want it.

I find it such a blessing not to want something new all the time. Besides I have decided upon «cease-to-shop». Until I have cleared out all the clutter in my house nothing new will be bought. For many years I have struggled with too much stuff in my house, clothes included, now I catch a glimpse of an ending to the overwhelming abundance, and it is such a relief! It’s like the house is slowly getting orderly and not just a source to constant feeling of guilt.

I have no idea what the right answer to what happiness really is, but ... although I shiver and tremble with freezing cold (perhaps not that strange as it is, after all, winter, and the wind has been whistling cold and hard for over a month now) spring is already well underway within me. I thaw and feel warmer inside, and although this is not the correct definition to what happiness is, I am sure it applies?

Happiness #3 Don’t live beyond your means.

If you move and settle down in a neighborhood you can’t afford, you will be frustrated. The reason is you spend too much of your income on housing expenses and you will constantly be reminded that others have more resources than you, since apparently wealthier neighbors surround you. It is better to move and size down; forget the high-end housing, and appreciate being better off.

With the housing costs we have in Norway, I have to say I admire those who are bold enough to approach the market and buy a house. The cost of housing in Norway is really high, regardless of size and location. One thing is to calculate how much we can afford to pay for the house or flat itself, but we often forget the smaller posts in the budget like waste charge, water, phone, internet, TV, car expenses, insurance, leisure-time and recreational activities, child-minding expenses and gifts. The expenses always exceed what we initially thought.

To live is really, really costly.

You should think that going to school in Norway is free, but it isn’t really: class and school parties, excursions, advent calenders, canteen and personal computer constantly drain the budget. It is never a question of large amounts, but it adds up to quite a bit through the year anyway.

Many fall into the trap of accepting, and using, credit cards they can’t afford. I don’t find that strange at all. It is not smart, but understandable. Then and there you look for means which can help covering current expenses, and the credit card companies shower tempting offers on extra cash upon you. Tempting offers with catchy titles and slogans which hit bull’s eye. It is so easy to overlook the uncomfortable tiny print. Kind of embarrassing to give in and apply for an extra card, because we all know better, but still something I totally understand.

One should think that a belle would chime in the back of your head when thinking going to a sunny country to soak up sun, salty water and carefree days twice a year is something everybody can afford, and therefore you should too. For some reason we think we are the only ones, if struggling with a tight financial state.

EU’s definition to poverty is:

“Individuals, families and groups in the population can be said to be in poverty when they lack the resources to obtain the types of diet, participate in the activities, and have the living conditions and amenities which are customary, or are at least widely encouraged and approved, in the societies in which they belong”.

We focus a lot on the lifestyle to those who can afford, we seem to forget that only very few can actually meet the demands media present as normal. Those who can’t afford being up to so called standard don’t want to regard themselves as poor, and strive even harder to be what they think is normal. To end up in an overblown trap of luxury lifestyle is not all that uncommon, and very hard to escape.

Deliberately we have made choices which allow us a comfortable financial state. Funny thing is, though, if we didn’t have the option we do to choose to be thrifty, I am not sure if the chase for something better, or the temptation to live beyond our means would be this easy to avoid.

I discovered the liberation in having a secure income, I can afford to be economical. I don’t need brand name clothes or a new car, and I can choose to buy a kitchen from IKEA or a more expencive one. To have the means when the car needs service or when the insurance is due is simply lovely!

I don’t have to worry about it, and that is a huge relief. It’s a good reason to be happy for a while.

I have no idea what the right answer to what happiness really is, but ... although I shiver and tremble with freezing cold (perhaps not that strange as it is, after all, winter, and the wind has been whistling cold and hard for over a month now) spring is already well underway within me. I thaw and feel warmer inside, and although this is not the correct definition to what happiness is, I am sure it applies?