“Hey, just want to say
that I immensely appreciate the support, encouragement and comfort I
get when days are really low... relax;
today I'm not looking for praise, I'm fine (but bad days will appear again
for sure, it’s just how I’m
assembled).
There is one thing I want to ask
though (and remember that I am
super grateful and do not want to hurt anyone!) But please never say
"Breathe deeply, breeeaaaaathe…”
This just reminds me about when I was in labour and my oldest
kid was to be born. He spent unlikely
long hours before
he dared to face
the world. When I was offered
Nitrous oxide, (what a wonderful positive
word), who in their right mind refuse
something like that? I got
a mask to breathe through, it was attached to a hose which was
attached to a gas thingy ... and when they turned
it on the sound Bzzzzzzz sounded all the time; it didn’t stop! I tried
to ignore it and took some harsh stomach
deductions to maybe be able to laugh a little in spite of everything. I thought at
first that it was the sound that
made me not feel the effect
(and I don’t think I was very eloquent when
I threw it away. My husband saw his
chance to try it too, but he didn’t get
particularly cheerful: he remained as ghastly and pale as he was before
he breathed through
the mask ...... So, if I hyperventilate, or forget to breathe, do not say "Breathe
deeply, breeeaaaaathe…”, please”.
I so totally get that… I think(?).
She is aware that she has quite a few wonderful friends out there, who want
nothing but what is best for her, but sometimes when we are really down we are
just not capable of listening to good advice. Especially not from people who
don’t really know what it is like, but have learned the good techniques from
textbooks or movies. And to most that is the only point of reference they have.
Sometimes we just need to feel it is
ok to be with someone without talking. Sometimes we need to get things out and
just cry until we are exhausted… and foetal position is really seriously
underestimated. Sometimes we need to be alone. Most of all we need to be sure
that whatever happens in the room stays in the room, until we decide to tell
the world ourselves.
I am not manic myself. Actually, I am
so calm it is annoying to others at times. But I have family members and
friends who suffer from this unpredictable mental suffering. Not only do you
suffer from extreme highs and lows, but you can never really be sure when life
again turns upside-down and everything you planned was just that: a plan. A
plan you are incapable of going through with or execute.
Good friends are really important
when that happens. To be down, without really knowing why, is quite stressful.
The knowledge of how you put others down because you can’t cope makes it worse.
Good friends will want to help, and
the notion of friends still being around is to great help! But, what if you do
your best, doing and saying whatever the textbooks and movies told you should
be done and said, and it just turns out to be a situation where you are brushed
off? You get insecure and withdraw from that person, reluctantly, because you
get the feeling you are not good for your friend who suffer.
Being brave enough to say: Yes, I immensely appreciate the support, encouragement and comfort I get when days are
really low, but please help me on my own terms, is maybe the best token of
friendship anyone can give his/her friends.
