Talks...

As I grow older I have to admit that I am getting more and more impatient. It could be because the older I get; the less time I have left, but to be honest: I still feel the way I did when I was 20. The end is no closer now than it was then… besides the unexpected happen just as sudden at any time, regardless of young or older age, so I rule that reason out.

Still I think age has something to do with it. Not the number of years, but the experiences I have lived and the patterns I have learned to recognize.

One should think life itself taught me to slow down and be more lenient and indulgent, and in many ways it has: I am less likely to be upset over situations and issues, because I know there’s always a reason to why things occur. People are not unreasonable because they want to act up, just for the sake of it, there’s always a story which gives reasons to seemingly contrary conduct.

So, how come I claim to be more impatient?

Through the years, as far as I see it, problems and issues are more and more dealt with by calling another meeting. Everything has to be discussed and negotiated. The art of designing compromise proposals and solutions have become an oral practice, by that I mean we talk talks, but very seldom put action behind what we said. To be honest I often see that what we agreed upon is not followed through in the heat of the battle; when things happen we seem to react, based on what happened then and there, and our first instinct is what counts. Real life often doesn’t fit theory.

It is a good principle that everybody concerned should be heard. Still, you can’t rely on young age to hold the wisdom responsibilities and experience provide.

I see it every day, as we communicate with youth and also due to the fact I work within a system: Everything seems to be understood as a theme suited for discussion. It is hard to understand and accept that sometimes you get an instruction. People don’t want to take orders: they want to have a say, and they want to do things in their own pace and manner. When something needs to be done within a deadline, both the fact it has to be done and the time limit is difficult to accept.

Way back when I was a teenager, and a student, I can’t remember we ever objected to curriculum or rules and limitations on conduct. We accepted, and trusted, that wiser people than us had taken everything in consideration and worked out the best possible contents and set of rules, in order to make us prepare for the future the best possible way.

My students don’t have that trust. Somewhere along the way, from past to present, things changed and made young people believe they know best. That to make the same mistakes they did before is a good way to lead their lives. The will to change their ways is absent, and this stubborn attitude is rewarded by time set off to talk talks. Talks and time spent on negotiation and to make new deals on how to proceed and have progress.

It is said that smart people learn from their mistakes. I know a man who told me that smart people may learn from their mistakes, but wise people also have the ability to save themselves from both grief and trouble by learning from other people’s mistakes.

My impatience, I think, is based on the insight that so many of us are so preoccupied with ourselves and our own doing that we don’t care about what we can learn from the past and from that adjust in order to become more compatible with society and our fellow-beings (without losing ourselves in the process) and by that save ourselves from hours of meetings with "pointless "talks.

Getting ready for spring... ehm..

The sun is shining, it is freezing cold outside, but ever so lovely. One should think that everything is frozen, due to the -4° Celsius, but it’s not. Sitting outside on the stairs in my garden… freezing my bum off and hands shaking so much I at some point was worried I would spill all my coffee, I can see that the crocus, the hyacinths, the daffodils and the snowdrops sprout. A true sign of spring and new life to nature, which has been dormant for the last few months.

Spring, the most optimistic season of the year, is just around the corner. That means that we have to start thinking about how to dress when temperatures rise and both nature and people thaw.

We will no longer wear thermo overalls, excellent for hiding, or huge scarves to cover up that extra double chin; once again we try to avoid showing off what we made such great effort to hide last year.

Every year, when I go shopping for Christmas presents, I find stunning dresses and outfits I would really like to wear to the various Christmas arrangements and parties. But when I take a quick look in the windows I pass, I have to admit they would probably not fit me… or, of course they would fit me in the right size, but the right size is not the size I want them in. So I decide I will get something just as lovely and becoming next year, when my size is the size I want to buy them in. (I am NOT desperate enough to buy the clothes two sizes too small, and keep them for the future day when they fit… but the thought have crossed my mind.)

Problem is: When that lovely piece of clothing has been mourned and I have comforted myself with a coffee mocha and I have found both a couple of presents AND bought another big, dark tent I can imagine makes me look stunning. I am done with the grief over my poor state.

In addition; Our summer is basically a lot of rain and an occasional fortunate day with temperatures above 20 degrees celsius. Swim and beachwear is not really a big issue here, neither is getting your body in shape for beach life. :-(The thing about me not being all wrinkled up yet, is not careful skincare, it is all about being frozen and not getting exposed too much to sunshine.

In lack of real inspiration I forget all about self-discipline and the desire to look dashing. Society is so full of body images based on lies I just choose not to pay attention. It is all unattainable standards anyway.  At least to average women, like myself.

This has become somewhat of a pattern over the last 12 years. Everyday life traps you, and you fall into same old habits you had before.

Not necessarily because it is preferred or really wanted; You do it because you know the strategies you have developed over years, work; They allow you to get things done, and changes in your habits might interfere and interrupt your well planned strategy on how to get time.

Knowing this, I still reached the point when “something” had to change. That something was me. My mood was down, my self-confidence was low, my me-time was non-existent, thousand thoughts buzzed around in my head, and I just never got the time to sort them out and get done with. All in all I figured I was not a very pleasant person to be around, let alone live with.

So what did I do? I invested in the coolest pair of NIKE running shoes ever! The downside is that given the ridiculous prize I have to use them.

So I started off walking really fast four nights a week to gradually learn how to jog. Not only was it BORING it was also so cold my hands and thighs turned numb (Still is, by the way). Not funny, no fun... if it wasn't for the insanely expensive shoes I would NEVER keep it up.... but I did, I do.

Americans talk so proudly about their 3-mile run, so I figured a 3-mile run on a regular basis would be a nice goal. And you know what? It is not that hard! And every time it takes a little less time to complete.

I am not going to extend the distance I run. I need to come home feeling I could have run longer. I need to want to do it next time as well, and for me this works.

Personal trainers often have a lot of good suggestions and mantras. Well they are personal trainers for a reason, and it has to do with lifestyle and interest. I don’t have their personality; I had to develop my own strategy within the reach of my own potential. Pointing fingers really doesn’t work to scare me into a better lifestyle. I have to be left alone and figure out my command level for optimal conditions of life.

 

If it comes to a point when you understand you are not in a good place, and it doesn’t work for you to be around same old, then you must figure out a way to do something about it... or.... at least you will want to, and that is how you start changing what is not good in your life.