The mistake of having a bad look.

For so many years now I have been lost in the magnitude of everything life has thrown my way. I do not think this is something I alone experience; I think we all, to some extent (some more than others, I am sure) find ourselves in that situation.

One day after another just slides into an indefinite time of same old, and we need to think hard to find those little things we find special enough to smile at.

In this process we tend to let ourselves down. The moments of pampering ourselves to charge the batteries and to feel good about ourselves tend to lose priority, as we, in the middle of running race with time, seem to think “I can do it later, it is not as if I will misplace myself. I will be here to be attended to later, but THIS is something I have to do now”.

When we are down and tired it takes more to bring us to the verge of laughter than when we are up and live with a bubble of contentment inside. A bubble just growing more and more into the state of joy, feeding off whatever brings warmth and beauty into our life. It can be anything from a bright flower surviving and showing off in a ditch, to a clean and tidy countertop in our kitchen.

I made up my mind to change what I felt stole my years. I would look around seeing all these stunning women, older than myself, and I had just let myself go at a much younger age. I was wearing myself out thinking I had put myself on hold, letting myself down, not allowing my family to be proud of a mum looking the way she felt. Cause I knew I had a core of something good going for myself. In example: I like my eyes, the color of my eyes is quite nice. That should brought into focus. I just have to find out how, and then do something about it. I am not talking glamorous appearance. Just to look groomed and neat.

I wondered what it would take to become an image of me, who I am, what I stand for.

I have seen makeovers on TV and in magazines and what I see is women (and a few men) who, with small changes in make-up, hairstyle and clothes have maintained their expression but at the same time improved what signal they radiate to their surroundings in a much more positive way.

I am still in the process of researching my options.

There is one thing I know, though: I will not, never ever, do as 7 of my friends have done; I will not use surgery as a tool to improve.

Actually… our ordinary days are the product of our lifestyle. There is nothing wrong about that, but I think we do people around us a disservice if we look like something the cat dragged in from the alley. My only problem is the time issue... nothing really takes long, but when you have more than enough to tend to minutes count, a lot.

We make people we care about feel guilty about it. And guilty feelings never lead to any good. You can tell by all the well-meant comments like: “You should cut your hair shorter…”, “You would look lovely in a skirt like that…”, “That color really would make wonders on you…” And all you hear is nagging and criticism because you are too tired or too preoccupied to (mis-) understand the comments correctly.

For that reason alone I think we owe it to ourselves and to people around us to make an effort and take time to look as if we take care of ourselves too. To not do so would be a mistake, I think… At least that is what I think about that. Today, that is.

“Don't beat yourself up over past mistakes. Hold your head high and dry your tears. A new day is here”.
Unknown quotes

Happiness

I try sometimes, as I constantly hurry from one task to another always on the move to another place than where I am, to reflect on the state of things.

It is not easy to engage in this kind of mental exercise because in my head there is a constant buzz of thoughts on what I just did, what I am doing, what I am going to do next. How, where, when, who, what are concepts I always relate to on different levels. It is like living and acting on parallel existences. Life is like an adventure with ever changing setting, pace and colors.

In the midst of this I stumbled upon a somewhat worrying question I tend to keep in the back of my head: Am I happy? If I just cut to the core, disregarding the chaos I feel my life is a majority of the time, would it be right to say that I am living my life being genuinely happy?

Happiness seems to be what everybody is striving for. Media, and society beyond that, tells us so in pictures, words and display of material visibility. We're trapped in a chase for happiness constantly, where we as a people in one of the best countries in the world are supposed to be happy all the time. Whether it's family, friends, work or love. And it's hard to not always be completely there – embedded in a bubble of happiness. 

Then again; happiness, the state of being happy, can’t be to constantly show the world a bright Colgate smile… Would we really be able to recognize feelings if we never felt otherwise? If I was never sad, would I know what it is to be joyful?

I know people who smile most of the time, (and always do in public) but they still claim they are very unhappy.

Happiness means different things to different people, or perhaps it would be more correct to say that what makes you happy changes by where you are in life; what your circumstances of life are like, right now. Right now; you are the result of everything you experienced in the past. You just need to decide to do the best of it.

For example, for one person it may mean being in a (romantic) relationship whereas for someone else it may mean feeling you have the ability to handle whatever life throws at you. To cope and to be independent of aid from others can be very fulfilling… to some.

While you might think that there are certain things that make you happy (or could make you happy if you had them), it is funny how most people I talk to never really mention what they own or do not own. To wish for something, saving up money for a specific event, thing or secure and comfortable retirement is just as satisfying as to actually get it. 

The anticipation is a great part of feeling happy: To realize what you have now and appreciate it, but looking forward to whatever it is you are  planning (and expect) to achieve. But keep the words of John Lennon in mind:”Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.  Don’t spend your life waiting for what the future holds: Fill your days with life instead.

Personally, I find the “looking-forward-to…” phase so very exciting. Thinking about what may come gives a free rein to my imagination and I come up with perfect outcomes of my planning.

What distinguishes happy people from the unhappy is very often their choice of words and way of thinking. The attitude of a cup half empty, or a cup half full, colors you as a person and therefor people you surround yourself with. I believe we make an impact on those we keep near, and it is like exchanging motivation, inspiration, attitude, state of mind…: What I get is what I give. I can make people around me if not happy at least more content… and being content is a very good start.

I would think that happy people are generally healthier people than unhappy people. Not only mentally, but also physically. I don’t think that being miserable is what attracts virus or sickness, but if you are down it is sometimes hard to point out what it is about you and /or your life which is bad, so you think hard on reasons to what might be not right.

Finding myself in the middle of the bustle my life is: Yes. I still have things I want to get or to achieve. But deep down, in my heart, I have to confess I am happy.