When someone gets sick, like really, really sick.

When someone gets sick, like really, really sick, they most often get a lot of attention.
The diagnosis is percieved as... well, kind of exotic. Even more so if the diagnosis is hard to figure out and takes time to assess. Exotic might be the wrong word, but it seems like as if people finds it entertaining to get involved in the midst of the drama, the instant or enduring worrying, the insecurity of what will happen next, the finding out how the sickness will play out in everyday life, the news, being the one who knows how current and updated status is.
All of this draws attention to the patient and his/her closest circle.

Then, when they are finally getting used to cope with the phonecalls, the visits and the requests about how things are going, it slows down. fast and inevitable.

When the seriousness catches up with you. The limitations and restrictions becomes an obstacle to leading a normal everyday life.
The stories and explanations becomes the normal tale, and so the novelty is lost and the interest fades.
One by one the friends you have get in touch less frequent; the phonecalls gradually comes to an halt.
They don't stop being friends, they just have other things to attend to as well.

Those who are left are those who are loyal, either because of unconditional love, dependence of some sort, or sense of duty.

It sounds harsh, doesn't it? But as judgemental as it may sound it is normal; the way it should be. We all have a life and a lifestyle which goes on, and noone expects everybody we know to introduce long term state of emergency. It doesn't mean we care less: It means life goes on as usual for everyone except those struck by changes forced upon them.

I don't remember the change itself, but I still feel the riot I felt inside when people stopped me to ask how my parents were doing, as if I was excluded. I still remember stressed out teachers who normally were so impatient, but when one of my parents were in hospital they showed me the kind of compassion you have for a complete stranger who's in a difficult situation.
When my homework wasn't done because there were things which had to be attended to, I never explained or argued, it was hard enough to try to keep up. They must have known though. I could tell by the looks, the indulgence... but never words.

It was not spoken about, not to me anyway, even though I heard from other kids it was speculated upon, talked about and even ironized. You know... "I heard he's in hospital again, it can't be asthma. I heard from a nurse he's got ecchymosis, just like the ones those with AIDS got". That one was from 1986. We never told anyone about the ecchymosis, so we knew it was true a nurse must have told.
Trust is a very powerful word to me. I don't use it much.

There was one truth said, though. It never was asthma, it was 30 years of something else: chronic pneumonia. 9 years ago ones again they told us he would die within days, if not hours. We sent him by plane to a different hospital; three weeks later he was cured. Now he suffers from the effects the years of heavy medication inflicted upon him.
I don't remember my father when he was well, but I know he was a strong man to survive.

The happiest times in his life were the times he was the perfect tutor, father and entertainer. He would tell me how to do something and watch me as I did it, while he told tales and histories from times past. My father could answer any question.

It's hard to be the one who doesn't fit in. It's hard to excuse everything using the same phrase. You can see how empathy fades in the other person's eyes and impatience slowly gaining it's rightful position.

It's not easy to be the one left behind and you see people you counted upon leave, as you turn and walk back into the ward.
It is how it should be, there is nothing wrong with it, because life goes on and waits for noone.
Still...

Yesterday, October 10, was World Mental Health Day. This month, October, focus is on cancer, and breast cancer in particular. This is the month to go pink.

When someone gets sick, like really, really sick they most often get a lot of attention. You don't have to be part of that instant circus to be a very good friend.

a) Remember to invite them and let them know they are thought of. It is great comfort in knowing you are not forgotten.
b) Always greet someone saying "How are YOU?" Then you can ask about others.
c) Offer to help or talk. If you feel unable to, find out where they can turn to get support or help.

If you want a few more professional and thought through tips, you'll find them here.