cards on notes... or notes on cards.

Every day I pick up my mail, and every time I get equally distressed. The mailbox is filled with commercial leaflets and bills, and apart from the newspaper, which arrives sometime during the night, that’s what’s in my mail.

I know the newspaper arrives around 3am ‘cause I “sometimes” am still up at the time. I pick it up on my way back in the house after walking my dog in the morning, and I always plan on reading it while drinking that first, food for soul cup of coffee. Being optimistic about it is more than half the fun of it; time flies in the morning and I rarely get time to neither coffee nor newspaper.

Not only does my mail add industrial amount of paper; it is also somewhat depressing. Commercials and bills: It’s like the only attention I get, is from those who want money from me.

It used to be different, though.

“It was customary to send important notices with traditional electric telegraphy, seriously developed by the American Samuel Morse in the 1840s, Mediterra-1800s until the technique was gradually replaced by telex until the 1970s, since fax and today’s various types of electronic messaging services, including email and text messages. The sender usually ordered telegram over the phone or directly in the expedition into a telegraph station and paid a fee that varied with the number of words and the distance to the receiver. The message was sent to the receiving station, was printed and delivered to the addressee by a messenger, and later on, mail or telephone bids. The method was much faster than old-fashioned letter postal services.

The Norwegian Telegrafvæsen opened Norway's first civilian telegraph line in 1855. The first telegram between Europe and the United States was exchanged in 1858. (Wikipedia)

Telegrams. The feeling when a stranger knocked on your door and handed you a friendly envelope. It’s pretty special, I tell you. I have my parents’ congratulation telegrams from their wedding. Adorned with a carefully painted flower and the Norwegian crest it looks like something somebody put some effort into, even though it’s typed on a typewriter  with glass keys.

Seeing them now with the characteristic print which typing machines left, brings the sound, the click, of each pounding to my ear and the smell of old paper imaginary(?) hovering in the room.

Now most of us barely think of anything to write to congratulate someone for any reason. We tend to use our digital platforms, like email, text or Facebook, Twitter… or any other digital, already made, easy to click platform to show we remember their occasion. We, in return, click the like button. I am not saying that social medias are insignificant or without value as a forum, not at all: I send most of my birthday greetings on facebook, adding a birthday song and a “Happy birthday!” carefully picked from youtube.

Or, we order seasonal cards with picture and text printed, and we send it off to family and friends only adding the address on the envelope… unless we send it by mail or text.

Then we are a few who believe in the old fashioned way of doing things.

I make about 70 easy-to-make-papercraft Christmas cards every year. The one time a year I make an effort. I have to admit they look at best questionable, but they are made by yours truly (with help from my kids, of course), and the writing is in my own handprint. I don’t even know what people think of them, apart from they remember they got it.

And yet, I know I should be a lot better at expressing my appreciation by sending a note. Not only because I, myself, feel it’s a highlight of the day to get something handwritten and personal in the mail, but I also feel it hard to express appreciation which very often is taken as awkward, mooshy blah, blah..  I am terrible at accepting help, I am almost just as bad at saying thank you.

A journalist I know told me he sends thank-you notes to those who help with election votes. When I asked why, he told me that:

“Sometimes I may send an email, but I have a box of thank you notes with the paper's logo on it. I send to the election people because we're always on such a tight deadline and the pressure is bad. They help out tremendously.

I may just jot off a quick "Thank you for your help. It made my job a lot easier and less stressful. I appreciate it." and then I put my name, etc.

I figure they get complaints a lot since they are public servants and deal with people a lot. So, a written thank you is something they can see and pass to other workers. Helps morale and it helps me because they will remember that and help me again next time”. (And guess what, when I say "told me" I am referring to a chat on a social media. I never heard his voice!)

Jimmy Fallon is known to write thank-you notes on “The Tonight Show” every week. 

OK, so his routine is a hoot; a joke that nevertheless points up the truth that some of the boring stuff your parents made you do never actually goes out of fashion. We are all familiar with thank you notes, and their purpose, even though it is not an everyday issue in our house or in the family.

I find sending thank you notes so sympathetic, and though it might be something people did back in the old days, it doesn’t mean it is old fashioned or out dated. In a digital world, it is so incredibly important to have the dignity to sit down and write something in your own hand. It adds emotions. You know when people say: it’s not personal; it’s business. What a stupid thing to say, it only proves that we have lost the willingness or ability to take into consideration that people we deal with have feelings, and sometimes it is very personal to them. They might have gone out of their way to benefit you. Then a text just doesn’t cut it. Conveying emotion in digital formats is a lost cause.

Let people understand they have been noticed, they have been seen. There is nothing silly, old fashioned or outdated about it, on the contrary: I strongly believe that people through history has done a lot of smart and kind things. Some made life easier, some made others feel better about themselves, and they knew this is a good circle to be in: what goes around, comes around.