Tired

 

Today I just felt like staying in bed, which is rather unusual for me. Usually I am the last to go to sleep and the first one up.

I love those crisp early hours when everything is quiet and the world is still lulled in the warm comfort of blankets. In summer I take my coffee outside and sit on my outdoor steps listening to the birds greeting the new day welcome.

If it’s raining I draw a bit back to avoid getting wet and enjoy the sound of drops hitting the roof above and the ground. Something soothing about rain, I always calm down when it’s raining. Whether I sit on my outdoor steps, indoors listening to the rain ticking on my windows, or if I just challenge my dislike to rainwear and plunge into the force of the element: rain is a good remedy for a strained mind.

Growing up where I did, I learned at a very young age to embrace the elements rather than fight them. So, I do.

But today it wasn’t raining. Today the sun was up at the crack of dawn, reminding me summer is just around the corner. Usually I get a feeling of anticipation when this notion hits me, but today… I just felt an avalanche of doings not yet done hit me.

It is like being overwhelmed by an insurmountable race against time. So much to do and so little time… It is like I don’t even want to try.

Tempted as I am to give up before I even try, I went to work feeling exhausted. I am crazy tired, but I keep on going; like the energizer bunny till it runs out of juice! Determined to at least show up and prove to myself I can cope. At least on a negligible level. I think I just need a little down time, but I can’t for the life of me figure out when that down time should take place.

When summer is here and the vacation starts it doesn’t matter what I did or didn’t get done: it will be too late. Then I clear my desk, go home and open every door in my house letting the wind blow through my house and sweep it clean. My head resets and I charge the batteries. By the time summer is over I look forward to meeting my new students: A new school year, new challenges and possibilities.

Strange that is, really, when I know that in a year from now I will feel exactly the same way I do today.