Losers lose

It is so darned easy to be fooled by salesmen. I thought it was time to start working out… you know? Christmas is just around the corner and I really want to fit into the gorgeous dress I just bought. Of course I refused the size just right, so it is a tiny bit too tight, but I have been watching “Biggest loser” on TV, and I know the normal weight loss each week ranges from 4 to 12  pounds, so it shouldn’t be a problem. I just need to exercise a little.

I dressed up in my newly bought super training gear, curled up in the sofa and waited for the sweating, puffing and red face to set in. I know those are sure signs you burn calories. The trainers always yell it out: “You don’t even breath heavily yet! You don’t even sweat”! It is far from the cheapest outfit, and the salesman at the store promised me it was of very good quality and actually top notch.

You can imagine my astonishment when neither my breathing nor my pulse increased. Not even a trifle. He was very clear about it; there was no room for misunderstandings, when he told me that equipment is everything when it comes to working out and training. Using what I bought, I would find the work out work like wonders, dead easy, no sweat.

I admit I got a bit startled at that point, because I know the sweating part is very important, but then I figured that thinking about the competitors in “Biggest loser” they don’t wear any fancy colors or fabric made out of something I can’t even pronounce (much less spell): They wear tight shorts and cotton t-shirts, so of course MY outfit has some function which eliminates the discomfort of damp and wet stains (which is a good thing, cause my sofa would have turned rather ghastly looking when the full effect of my training gear sets in).

And yet, even though my expensive purchase has all of these wonderful qualities, and gives me the opportunity to follow my favorite TV shows while I drink my tea in enjoyable manner, I can’t help but feeling a bit ripped off.

I am seriously thinking about returning it. I have not found out how much I have lost yet, since I got this profound remonstrance to getting on a scale, but I doubt it will be two digits. My dress is still a bit tight, you see… there is a chance it has even shrunk a little while hanging in my wardrobe (warmth and such can do that sometimes to clothes), the zipper doesn’t seem to be working right, either.

My belly is not as flat and defined as I expected it to be after 5 days, and my thighs are not quite fit for skinny jeans either. It is like as if the miracle promised is absent, I don’t feel the change happening. From all the hours I have worn the outfit (and believe me; the colors are really unbecoming and not flattering at all, and the fabric is so clingy it reveals EVERY extra curve on my bulk corpus.

Is it possible I may be bought a ruined outfit?