Beautiful lies.

Recently I have been confronted with third hand “updates” on people I know well, and who I don’t recognize in the tales told. It’s been like a déjà vu from when we were kids and played the whispering game. You know: the game where we sit in a circle or a row and the first person whisper something in the next person’s ear and the word or sentence travels down the row to the last person who say it out loud. Kids find it very amusing how the statement was changed when the first person tells what he or she actually said.

It is funny when you are a kid and it is all very innocent. Not so much when you are an adult, and life is not all that innocent anymore. At the end of the day it’s not what we have which defines us, but who we are. And who we are is basically what is said about us. Intimidating but never the less true… I think.

I don’t lie. It’s not that I don’t appreciate a convenient white lie, but I am too distracted to remember what I said last, and having firsthand experience with how painful corners I paint myself in can be, I avoid them. BUT, if anyone by chance should tell me I am beautiful, I know I am not but that doesn’t prevent me from shining for a brief moment.

The truth, however, can be hurtful. Self-deception is probably the most comforting state we can lull ourselves into. It usually doesn’t hurt anyone else than ourselves either. We just live in a bubble of being content with the state of things, believing we have no problems or issues, until the truth hits.

Truth can hit you hard, and yet there is a distinct beauty in truth, even if it's painful. Budda stated that “Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth”. As we go about our daily life living by our standards it will be noticed and false words attacking our integrity will eventually be corrected. Like a law of nature, but we shouldn’t have to deal with it.

When people tell you what you want to hear, nothing productive comes out of it, nothing except the fact you feel good about yourself. But when you act on what you know you risk making a fool out of yourself, which is humiliating as well as hurtful to others. Now, being hurt or offended or humiliated doesn’t really do anything. There are no consequences to that, other than you feel it. But feelings are true too; when I am sad that is real. Noone else is affected by it, unless they have compassion, but the sadness is my own.

It is probably a harsh thing to say, but hypocrites very often get offended by the truth.
You inflict negativity on others by what you say, when you lie. Personally I think that is bad karma. It’s a lot like rumors: no one will challenge you to your face or give you a chance to explain yourself. Only time does that for you.  All the whispers are behind your back. You are left with no means of clearing your own name. You are certain to be the last person to know. And after a while you realize there is no point in even attempting to do so. People don’t want the truth. All anyone wants is the chance to add more fuel to the fires of gossip. After all: it’s gossip! You can add and subtract just about anything you want, because it’s gossip and we don’t really expect the rumour-monger to be held accountable. There really isn’t anything good to say about gossip, other than it has a blissful tendency to backfire.
 People who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. It doesn’t teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one's character, one's mind, one's heart or one's soul. It only creates confusion.

Sometimes it is easier to see clearly into the liar than into the man who tells the truth. Truth, like light, blinds. Falsehood, on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.

Teaching for the longest of times.

There are days which seems to fly by like a breath of goodwill and calm cooperation, and then we have those days which feels like a long and steep uphill climb. Everything is a struggle, even those few meters from my desk to the classroom. The other day was one of those defying days. In addition I had an incident in a classroom.

The incidents I face are varied. Let’s say I instructed the students not to open their laptop (all my students have laptops, it is obligatory for them, and part of curriculum, to use them as a tool). Because they were watching a film, and I really wanted them to get what the movie was about. I hardly ever show my students films, basically because they’ve already seen most, and it is hard to make them concentrate for 90 minutes. Even though they love to watch movies, I get the impression they don’t really watch the movies anymore; they multitask and keep the movie in the background, watching like 4 seconds here and there, just often enough to get an outline of the contents. Funny, exciting, thrilling, epic and sad moments are missed out on… and they don’t really care.

Anyway, what if two of the students didn’t care to follow my instructions. They started up their laptops, plugged in their earplugs and watched music videos. So I told them to leave the classroom. Not because they were disturbing anyone, but because I had told them. You see where this is going? This is the run-up to the battle of strong will. I have learned, not by nature but by classroom management, never to yield and back down. That being said: I also choose my battles carefully.

What if they refused to leave… I would stop the film and wait for them to leave… which they won’t. The rest of the class will be waiting, silently, eyes flickering between me and the patient young man who stands his ground. (It never fails, it’s like they are anticipating, waiting for the outcome of who has the stamina to follow through) Time passes by, minutes by minutes. Oh, what an agony: Time passes by soooo slowly when you are waiting, I usually feel like just to give in but then again I know I shouldn’t.  

Instead I would take the rest of the class with me to another room to watch the end of the movie. This time the two self-confident teens, sure to win the battle, tag along. When I refuse to let them in, one of them leaves, but the other one just didn’t budge; he wanted to stay in class (of course he did, my classes are always like stairways to success and a lot of monkey tricks involved… not. Emphasizing various learning aptitude, you know… right.)

To make things worse (when I get annoyed things go bad immediately) he had not learned what he should have picked up by now: Learn when it is ok to shut up and keep quiet. He just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. That last comment had to be said out loud.

First he told me to f___ off. My immediate response was “Excuse me? What did you say?” He didn’t answer, so I challenged him and told him to be brave enough to own his words. (I wasn’t nice, I know.) Then he complained it wasn’t fair he had to suffer just because I got my “monthly” and was smitten by pms.

Sometimes they are too proud, and they choose the wrong cases to demonstrate their own free will.

It was rather uncomfortable for a while, but I am never angry for long. Sometimes it is a problem to hold on to the state of temper, especially when it isn’t a lot to gain from it. Anger, annoyance and such is really a waste of time. Either you deal with it, and straighten the situation out, or you forget about it. We had a calm talk an hour later, and it was over and done with.

Thing is: they forget I have been in a classroom for far too long to back down. I may come across as nice, but I have it in me to be a bitch. And when it counts, no one is as stubborn as I am.

Right now I feel I am too old for this. I shouldn’t have to deal with teen hormones and personal problems. I shouldn’t have to raise them to be responsible adults. Dealing with their inroads and tantrums, often caused by other impact than what they experience in school.

There is a lot one can say about being a teacher. It is a profession which very likely becomes a lifestyle, a lifestyle of constant awareness.

There is one thing, though: It is NEVER boring. The entertainment value is sky high! And yet: it is like as if we are chewing bones for the students who try to figure out life. Yes, I am getting too old for this…