Dodging a good advice

It is such a strange, and yet liberating, feeling when you are alone in a room and you read something which just makes you roar with laughter. Like a manifestation of your inner craziness. Just now I read a status on Facebook which brought back memories of a rather dramatic situation, but which now, in the aftermath, is hysterically funny.

A wonderful friend of mine was listening to the radio where a famous, Norwegian stylist recommended using hemorrhoids cream to cure baggy eyes.

There were no instructions given on how to use it, how long or how often he recommended using it. It was just a remark, really, on how to get rid of those unwelcome signs of late nights spent in marvellous decadence.

She posted this status on Facebook:

Dear, dear Jan Thomas. Since I post this in public I reckon you will read it. You once recommended using hemorrhoids cream to reduce bags under my eyes. You seemingly forgot to tell how much to apply. So I applied a really heavy layer before I went to bed (I had gone through one of those tearful days of crying and the bags under my eyes were really conspicuous). Well, I woke up the next morning (the bags were smaller, I give you that) but in return I looked as if I had been given a serious direct hit on both eyes. Two solid black eyes glared back at me when I looked in the mirror. And I looked like that for two full weeks. Do feel free to send me “user’s manual”

Love “me”.

I remember the incident very well, and it is true she looked severely beaten up. She didn't leave the
house for two weeks, and wore sunglasses on rainy days… and we all know who does that! Women having occurrences with butt lotions are not quite what springs to mind…

Looking back we all, she included, agree she could have tried out a few less extreme home remedies before going for the ultimate panacea, but in all fairness it WAS a remedy uttered by a highly respected expert on looks, beauty and style.

Well, hemorrhoids cream on the thin and sensitive skin under your eyes was maybe not the best advice to go public with. Not when impulsive women like my friend follow them, in their own manner (and I'm sure my friend is not the only one.... then again: she is one of a kind). Conducted with great care and prudence I am sure it can save the day after, in an (social) emergency.

I can’t help but mentioning that this particular stylist have had another beauty-advice-fail:

There was a stunt on the radio: celebrities were invited to a week’s work placement. Jan Thomas thought it was fair that since he was working as a radio host for a week, the radio host, Michael Andreassen, should get a glimpse of his world of beauty, looks and style. So, Michael agreed to get some Botox and Restylane done. It wouldn’t be a problem to try it out, he thought, so he went to the clinic and asked for “the works”.

As it turned out this was not a very smart thing to do: He was given a total of between 70 and 90 injections in the face, which gradually began to itch and swell. Then came the fever and he ended up being hospitalized; getting liquid antibiotics several times a day.

He had no wrinkles after the treatment, he had to give Jan Thomas that, but his entire forehead was motionless. Not even a hint of frowning, when he really tried.

At a talk show Jan Thomas told that he had never experienced anything like that using Botox himself, but admitted that smaller touch ups sometimes had given unexpected consequences. He’d gotten a black eye, but that's all.

Being famous and an expert can be dangerous, because regardless of what you say people will listen. And since we are human (and I admit this might be a characteristic property belonging to one of the genders) we may say we listen, but we only hear what we want to hear; short-listing and selecting which words we hear, and which ones we choose not to recognize. And we comprehend what is said the way we want to… and sometimes we end up following our own version of what was a good advice to begin with.

Now, I have read and listened to every word he said about this, and hence his propensity to give (semi-) good advice and these above mentioned incidents, I have to say that when Jan Thomas says that exercise and a healthy lifestyle is the best option to obtain a healthy, good looking body, like his own...,

I wonder if I should follow his advice and make an effort or if I should dodge working out and keeping a healthy diet all together…?

Planning on a good life....?

Not long ago I was planning, hypothetically of course…ehm…, on living my dream. The dream was triggered by an acquaintance who bought himself an apartment in Spain. He told tales of very high standard, all facilities, gym, swimmingpool, security services, maintenance, tennis court, golfing, beach near by…, with enthusiasm. There was no ending to the luxury and comfort available. “And the best part,” he said, “it cost next to nothing!”

I went online, curious about what he was talking about. I scrolled through the real estate for sale ads, but I didn’t find anything which had that instant appeal to me. There was no luxury apartment I thought would be somewhere worth visiting on a regular basis. Nor would I want to live in any of them. I mean; If you buy a vacation home you really should enjoy the stay, even if you rent it out to others for long periods of time.

What I did find, however, was a run down vineyard, just outside a picturesque village. The stock looked dead, or at best very neglected, as did the house. But to me it looked like heaven.

Here we live in a development where the houses are really close to one another, and the yards are very small. I long for space; room for air and light and my own sounds.

I have dreamt of a place like that for a few years, but now it became more of a attainable reality. The place was there; just like I had imagined. It looked like the perfect place for me to live and wind down; A haven where my hectic lifestyle should change into lazy days of effervescent creativity.

I made plans: a local family who knew how to grow grapes should be hired and live in the renovated house. The stock would be brought back to luscious crops. I would build a functional villa for my family. I made sketches of annexes for the visitors, and they would be many and frequent.

I planned on a bench around the olive tree in the yard, with blue, checkered, cushy seating. In the branches I would hang empty jam jars with candles, there would be a table… at least 5 meters long with room for at least 20 people eating 3 hours long meals.

All in all I pictured this abandoned farm full of life, laughter and abundance. Lemon-, olive-, apricot trees, herbs, vegetables, fruit, berries, fresh bread and cheese…

I could almost feel the mild evening breeze and smell the scent of a good life. I would learn how to write, sew, paint, take wonderful pictures and just live.

The thought of going to bed in the evening, knowing what the weather would be like the next day, was alone a thought which was very appealing to me.

All geared up and excited I told my significant other (my husband) about it all, painted the picture in every positive adjective I could think of… and his response?

He looked at me for a few seconds, and I could tell I wouldn’t like what he had to say… “Hun”, he said, “I don’t even mow the lawn…”