Words: about everything and nothing at all.

Sometimes I have so much on my mind, I almost burst with the urge to get it out.

When I need to get something off my chest I instantly think: I need to get this down on paper. Even now, after all these years of typing on my laptop, I think of paper as the primarily source of writing. Don’t really know why; except from my shopping lists, my to do lists, Christmas- and greeting cards, I type everything on my laptop these days.

The thing I do, when I get my head too full of good ideas and opinions, is to write them down.

While writing this it crosses my mind how old fashion I actually am: I still think of writing down as something I do using pen and paper.

I enjoy pen and paper immensely, and yet I hardly ever use them. In spite of my increasingly growing collection of very usable felt-tip pens I never use, but think is cool. I buy them, and they are expensive.

Oh, I clutter down my shopping lists, my to do lists, my greeting cards and my Christmas cards using my handwriting and a vast variety of felt-tip pens.

In spite of how much I love my pens and papers; my overall writing activities happens by my laptop, where I still hover and press each letter on my keyboard.

I would probably do the same thing with my shopping- and to do list…only using my mobile phone, if it wasn’t for me being so terribly poor at remembering to bring my mobile everywhere.

There is this inherent stubbornness in me refusing to be reachable at all times.

My greeting cards and Christmas cards are handwritten only because… well, I myself, enjoy receiving something other than bills and commercials in the mail. And I get to perform some paper-craft at the same time, with a legitimate excuse.

I have never been a good orator, or to express myself orally. At least I think I express myself better in typing. But that might be something I imagine, I don't really know... and I am not sure it is very important all the while I get to let my mind flow freely, which it does when I write.

The other day I got this “look-up-what-animal-you-are” in an email.

I turned out to be a cat, and it told me that a cat:

“If you are a Cat : An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends”.

Hmmm…. I don’t even like cats, but I have to accept there is a lot of truth in there… like most general “readings” have.

There is something in particular I find to be very true about me, the cat: “Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers”.

Yeah, I don’t always find the reasons to express my ideas, opinions and thoughts spoken out loud. My words have a tendency of coming out the wrong way.

But when it comes to write down my ideas and thoughts it is a totally different matter; I use the laptop. And these days I lure people, like you, to read about them. Purely because I tend to post (some of) them here.

I sometimes think it might be a stupid thing to do… like now:

My mind was so full of thoughts I confused myself.

And yet… when I took time to sit down and get it all “on paper”, my mind just went…. Blank.

And I ended up writing another posting about absolutely nothing at all. I suppose that nothing at all was what I needed to put on paper tonight.

Calories That Don't Count

We have it on experience (our own and thousands of others) that the following food and situations have no calories to speak of (although the knowledgeable might describe them as unspeakable calories.)
OTHER PEOPLE'S FOOD: A chocolate mousse that you did not order has no calories. Therefore, have your companion order dessert and you taste half of it.

INGREDIENTS IN COOKING: Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. So are chocolate chip cookies! However, chocolate chip eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever. Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don't eat them.

FOOD ON FOOT: All food eaten while standing has no calories. Exactly why is not clear, but the current theory relates to gravity. The calories apparently bypass the stomach flowing directly down the legs and through the soles of the feet into the floor, like electricity. Walking seems to accelerate this process, so that a frozen custard or hot dog eaten at a carnival actually has a calorie deficit.

CHILDREN'S FOOD: Anything produced, purchased or intended for minors is calorie-free when eaten by adults. This category covers a wide range, beginning with a spoonful of baby tapioca -- consumed for demonstration purposes -- up to and including cookies baked and sent to college.

UNEVEN EDGES: Pies and cakes should be cut neatly, in even wedges or slices. If not, the responsibility falls on the person putting them away to "straighten up the edges" by slicing away the offending irregularities, which have no calories when eaten. If pie or cake is neatly cut, but the remainder is not easily divisible into equal servings, it's also permissible to even things up ... without calorie consequence.

TV FOOD: Anything eaten in front of the TV has no calories. This may have something to do with radiation leakage, which negates not only the calories in the food but also all recollection of having eaten it. Entire no-calorie dinners are now manufactured and frozen for this purpose.

FOOD THAT DOESN'T TASTE GOOD doesn't count. This is an enormous category covering a diverse range including airline food, cafeteria meals, and dinner at your sister-in-law's. Also dinners manufactured to be eaten in front of the TV.

ANYTHING SMALLER THAN ONE INCH: contains no calories to speak of. For example: chocolate kisses, maraschino cherries, cubes of cheese.

LEFT-HANDED FOOD: If you have a drink in your right hand, anything eaten with the other hand has no calories. Several principles are at work here. First of all, you're probably standing up at a cocktail party (see "Food on Foot"). Then there's the electronic field: a wet glass in one hand forms a negative charge to reverse the polarity of the calories attracted to the other hand. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but it's reversible if you're left-handed.

CHARITABLE FOODS: Girl Scout cookies, bake sale cookies, ice cream socials and church strawberry festivals all have a religious dispensation from calories. It's in the Bible.

CAKES WITH WRITING ON THEM: Primarily fat, starch and sugar, all cakes are horrendously fattening. However, the calories can be eliminated simply by inscribing "Happy Birthday, Charlie" or "Good Luck, Alice" in colored icing. Not only is it unnecessary to decline, it's impolite.

FOOD ON TOOTHPICKS: Sausages, cocktail franks, cheese and the like are all fattening unless impaled on frilled toothpicks. The insertion of a sharp object allows the calories to leak out the bottom.

LEFTOVERS: An extra pork chop, the crust of bread, half a Twinkie, anything intended for the garbage has no calories regardless of what happens to it in the kitchen.

FOOD EATEN QUICKLY: If you are rushed through a meal, the entire meal doesn't count. Conversely, if you have ordered something fattening and now regret it, you can minimize its calories by gulping it down.

CUSTOM MADE FOOD: Anything somebody made "just for you" must be eaten regardless of the calories because to do otherwise would be uncaring and insensitive. Your kind intentions will not go unrewarded. (See "Charitable Foods.")

~Submitted Good Clean Fun Page by Randall Woodman~
(I just made a desperate search, online, and found it.)