Life.....

Life. So fascinating in itself. There is no need to be scientific about it; life concerns us all, simply because we live it. We don’t usually start analyzing the smallest form of life known to man, or when we can start counting the days we’ve lived. We are just alive living! And unless we fall into the trap of exploring the mystery behind how it is possible we can lead a full life, making choices and do purposeful actions, life is pretty neat. It is so basic, so profound that man does almost anything to stay alive, even when we face the end.

We hear about those who find peace of mind and face the end of their lives with await. They have come to terms with what is about to happen: Life, the one we know of, is about to end. Others have been in life threatening situations, reporting how the life they’ve lived (so far) passed them by.

To most, of those I have heard of, an experience like that changes their values, beliefs and how they conduct their lifestyle. They got a second chance. Usually, when we talk about second chances, it means to do better according to the insight we gained from the past experience. I have never heard about people referring to a second chance as a new direction on their own behalf: someone else/others are involved.

The nature of life has always been food for thoughts. To get answers to the questions about life and death, and try to make sense of the puzzling phenomena of life, is part of what we do when trying to find our inner self.

Great thinkers like philosophers, authors, scientists and just the average man on the street have all pondered about life. Not just life itself, but what was before and what will be next? We look for answers. Most find it in religion, some work hard to have no religion, a few make a point of abusing religion. Same thing goes for politics and both can be strengthened by lifestyle.

Literature, on every level and every genre, is full of wisdom and quotes on how to lead a meaningful life. And that is what we all struggle to do; we go through life on a quest to find a purpose… and live it.

We have this urge to make a difference, to live life to the full and leave behind a legacy of some kind.

“Notice that our ordinary, everyday concept of life does not settle what the true nature of life is. Thus, we are not concerned here with careful delineation of the paradigms and stereotypes that we commonly associate with life. We want to know what life is, not what people think life is. Glass does not fall under the everyday concept of a liquid, even though chemists tell us that glass really is a liquid. Likewise, we should not object if the true nature of life happens to have some initially counterintuitive consequences”.

The Nature of Life by Mark A. Bedau (http://people.reed.edu/~mab/papers/life.OXFORD.html)

I read and understand what is written in the article quoted here, but since I don’t believe we can fully comprehend what life is (in my mind it just becomes so great, so overwhelming, it just turns out to be impossible to take in and fathom), my thoughts on what life is are to me far more important. Dreams, thoughts, plans, expectations, experiences, emotions, actions, circumstances, values, believes, the joys and sadness, the anger and grief… everything which in one way or another makes an impact on me as a person.

To me life is motion… with attached emotions. That is what life is, and what makes life so precious.... to me.

Having feelings...

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine. She had a lot on her mind and told me about all the upsetting situations she had to deal with and how bad she felt. And I was thinking: is it really that terrible to have feelings? I may be totally wrong, but we embrace being happy, why is it we feel universe is not on our side, just because we feel sad? An upsetting situation is one thing, that is a problem which has to be dealt with, but to focus on the feelings you have to the situation, rather than the actual problem just seems… erroneous, to me. Kind of a double-edged issue that. What is most upsetting of the two: the problem or the feelings it stirrers?

Believe me: I have felt every feeling I know of. (Being a woman I know about a LOT of different feelings, and every shade of them too.) And just in case I forgot about any of them I searched the net for a list of feelings. All the websites I found operated with a list of 7 – 11 basic feelings, and all of the basic feelings have a range of intensity to them. The list of feeling words is pretty extensive, but our basic feelings are: Joy, Interest, Surprise, Fear (anxiety), Anger, Sadness and Disgust.

Many people are like drama queens, we read them as someone who feels too much. All the time! Their mood and their acting out, makes them kind of unpredictable and a lot of work to relate to. They express that the sadness and anger in their life prevent them from having the happy life they want. Some just want to be satisfied, on every level, regardless of how they affect people in their social circle. They over indulge and damage their relationships; it is like as if they are indifferent to how they in the future will suffer the consequences. They act impulsively and then regret the result. Thinking about it I have never heard them apologize, but I hear them excuse themselves a lot.

Other people are more expressionless. They don’t know what or how they feel, not even when they are feeling it. Actually, I think they do know, but they just can’t find a way or words to express them in what they think would be a socially accepted way.

In many ways I think it is sad that we (read: society) say that men don’t cry. We teach our sons that they shouldn’t cry; it is a sign of weakness we don’t accept men to hold.  A result of this is that many men remain unable to express true feelings the way women often expect them to. (Funny that: even though we know for a fact men most times are unable to do so, we keep expecting them to show the same reactions we would find natural to express ourselves.) Men seem to “suck it up” and go forward even when it would have been appropriate to show some emotion (again: according to women, I think, based on what my friends tell me).

Men often say they only hold three feelings, good, bad or pissed-off. Woman often have a very differentiated feelings pallet. Woman typically have more feeling words and they understand the labels differently than most men. Maybe that is why we so often misunderstand each other. Maybe we lack the will to misunderstand each other correctly (I just love that phrasing, and use it a lot… in many situations it is very descriptive and correct).

The result is that men often fail to name how they feel. As a result they tend to do or say nothing until overwhelmed.

Or so I have been taught. I wonder: why is it so important to show emotions? Why don’t we accept that those who are entitled to have emotions towards a comment, event or situation keep them to themselves? Why do we claim the right to take part? How do we know that those who seem expression- or emotionless are not even more affected than others? Just wondering…

Then again, not everyone experiences feelings in the same way. Past experience, beliefs, values, and qualities play a role in how we perceive what happens to us. When hurt in the past many don’t instantly trust whoever coax out positive feelings in them: Feelings similar to the feelings which exposed us to be vulnerable before. Some protect themselves so much they appear shut off emotionally. Others mourn their loss and then throw themselves back into the quest for emotionally interplay with compatible soulmates. Whether they are of creative, friendship or romantic nature… or any other kind of relationship we depend upon.

I think most would agree that feelings are either negative or positive.Some feelings are protective. The feeling in your gut that tells you this is dangerous: our intuition.

Courage is not the lack of fear, it is the ability to fully see the situation, but to take action even though it represent real danger. Othrwise it wouldn't be brave, would it?

Positive feelings can help create and expand friendships and working relationships. Negative feelings can warn you to avoid dysfunctional relationships and abusive situations.

(I am not going to start the arguments on this one, but we all know the women who walk into doors every other day, and fall down the stairs in weekends… they know they live in a relationship not good for them, BUT they love him.)

To feel good is the best thing ever. There is nothing in the world which can beat that, regardless of living conditions. But… why is it so bad to feel sad or angry or insulted or angry? If we only felt good, how could we appreciate it if we didn’t know otherwise?

Do you know and feel your feelings? Are feelings your friends or do they just cause you a lot of trouble?