Madness.

We sometimes use the term with such ease, when we want to explain something out of ordinary... usually when something occurs which we would not find normal to cause or participate in.

The tone of voice desides whether we think it is a good or a bad thing.

Some times we think madness is outrageous and the worst thing possible, other times it illustrates a fulfilled success.

I have been aware, for quite some time, that my mind works in a way which makes me come across as... not unstable or unpredictable or anything like that, but more... hard to figure out, I guess.

At least that is what people tell me when they think I should be told.

Anyway, today I concretised my own madness.

Not going to bore you with the long story, but the result of it, is that I had a lot of boxes filled with paperbacks. I stacked them on the floor in my office, and I never really paid any attention to them, other than when I was looking for some easy reading. Something I could sit down and do without having to think. Then I would browse through a random box, pick a random book and read it, for no other reason than to read.

I am not very good at wasting time, most of the time I multitask. But when I read, regardless of what kind of literature, I can focus on one thing, and that is the story taking place in my head as I read.

To read is so much better than to watch a movie, but I understand why not more people think that is the case: In my head, when I read, I see the movie, and I add details, accents, smells and tastes as I please... like a custom made film, just for me.

So, today I bid an era goodbye. Since I am on the mission to get a tidy house, where everything has its own place and everything is at its own place, I called the Salvation Army yesterday, and they told me they would be thrilled to take the books.
Getting used to the thought of letting the books go was hard, but I just could not justify the boxes anymore.
(It really is time to change your habits, when you buy a new book, and you realize it is an old edition (new cover, but still an old edition) and you discover this because you cite the text along while reading it.) 
Even less so since my son wants my office (which is actually an extra, tiny appartment in our house) for bedroom and entertaining friends. (We do not call it to move out, cause he has every intention of eating and getting his laundry done along with the rest of the family.)

I loaded the boxes into my car, searched the house and included stray books found  on the strangest places. By the time I was done loading the car, I realized that I, through the last 25 years, have read more than 2500 paperbacks, with hardly any variation in contents at all.

So, driving to the Salvation Army second hand store to deliver the books I was thinking: The only thing madder than buying these books is to actually read them... several times.

The best things that came out of me buying and reading these books, besides the peace of reading just for the sake of it, is that the Salvation Army will make a bit of money on them and someone (who may or may not really read a lot), will buy, read and like the thoughtless peace of reading, just for the sake of it.

Strange thing, though. In spite of the notion that you know how the story will end by the time you are half ways through the first page: The language in these books is often crafted and written in the most elegant eloquence I've ever come across.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

At the end of the day...

Now and again I come across statements like: “Did you ever have one of those days when nothing goes right from morning to night?” And I get so frustrated that I myself never get to the point when I discover that; hang on a minute, this is not one of my spotless, perfect days! This is a day when things go wrong!!!

I work within a profession where planning and going through with the plans, is a demand.
I have plans which deal with the full year, another one deals with the term,then there is one for the period of time involving a specific topic and at last a detailed plan for each lesson.

I am a mum with active kids, and after school activities fill up every square on our activity calender; a pretty confusing, flamboyant display on the kitchen wall. By necessity in plain sight for every one (who pass through the door) to see.


Of course, planning and knowing about what is going to happen that same day, week or month does not prevent life from happening all by itself. And we all know life can not be stalled, directed or in any other way adjusted to what you find would be a comfortable pace.

Let’s take leaving home in a hurry when the phone rings. A very common thing. Phonecalls (which turns out to be both important and never ending) at the most inconvenient times are more the rule than the exeption. Like when you put your jacket on, while wiggling your foot into the second shoe and it takes quite a few panicking moments to find the phone, because it’s ringing from under the stack of mail you have not gotten time to open yet. And you know that you are already late because it takes at least 23 minutes to get where you are going, and you have an appointment in 20.

So you answer the phone (how did we cope with only stationary phones again?), tell them to hang on a sec, get dressed, say you are back as you rush out the door and think for a split second that it is a relief to leave the apartment because, in all honesty, the smell of burned lunch still reeks(some times it is hard to calculate the exact time spent in the bathroom). You try to run between the raindrops (How come Donald Fagen walks between the raindrops with such ease???) failing with splendour, of course, and to top the exit occurrence you just crumple up as the car refuses to start at first attempt and you picture the next four imminent minutes when you try to finish off the conversation you are already engaged in, to call a cab, without brushing the other person off...

And then miracle takes place: the car starts, traffic is light, all the lights are green and you get to your appointment almost on time...

At the end of the day: the students do learn something each lesson. Maybe not exactly what I planned, but still.

The kids are fed, dressed, keep up their activities and attend when invited somewhere. And I... well... unintentionally I get complimented for my carried through, consistent style.

I just smile and say thank you... and know when it is ok to stop talking.
I never tell them that it is my natural haircolour, my hair is never brushed (let alone blow dried), my clothes have never experienced the blessing of an iron, I hardly ever wear any other make-up than mascara or that a good brand in nail polish is worth its price in golden seconds.

I hardly ever see other days than those days when nothing goes right from morning to night... but at night, when the house and the rest of the world goes to sleep, I settle today’s score and I always end up with the notion that when things go wrong, for some reason something good always comes out of it. Most times it is just a matter of perspective.