Grateful I know underestimated pleasures.

I am not a typical material girl, I don't think I am high maintenance either, but I have discovered the importance of pampering myself.
When I stumble upon a situation where I can find a tiny hint of pleasure I make the most out of the opportunity. No matter what stress mess I am in, I slow down and just indulge myself in the bliss offered.

In other words: pleasures in my life.

A few of my favourite moments of pleasure, in no particular order:

• Fresh, cool and clean sheets. (Yeah, I know. It pops up everywhere as an underestimated pleasure, yet we all change them way too infrequently.)
• A glass of cold, fresh and clean water. Better even: a glass of cold water with a couple of slices of lime and ice cubes in it.
• Eating berries off the brush.
• When the bus is on time, and so am I.
• Watching my kids sleep. (No, it's not creepy, just utterly peaceful.)
• Cheese with friends. And then a tasteful wine to swallow it down with.
• Watching, listening or reading, and noone tugs your sleeve.
• Traffic jam, but you know a shortcut, a legal one!
• Drinking a hot mug of coffee. Preferably while sitting at the front porch.
• Comfortable shoes.
• Picking flowers.
• Listening to the silence.
• Chocolate!
• A good hair day.
• A rowing boat, a rod and calm sea.
• Time on my hands.
• Laying in bed listening to a storm.
• Mail which is neither a bill, nor commercial.
• Candle lights.
• A smile and "Good morning" greeting.
• Walks
• .... and I am sure there are more. 

Read further under the picture.

Pluviophile - A lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

• The things Marcus Aurelius was thinking of when he admonished us to “remember Nature’s inadvertence how it has its own charm, its own attractiveness.” His 14 virtues are still valid, I think. When they come naturally, that is. When they are an act, there is nothing more deceitful and ugly.

His list dates to 170 AD,  so this is really old stuff, and even though our pleasures may be slightly more modern and up to date, the truths beneath them (and their accidental or unintended beauty) remain the same.

-Auctoritas - "Spiritual Authority" - The sense of one's social standing, built up through experience, ---Pietas, and Industria.
-Comitas - "Humour" - Ease of manner, courtesy, openness, and friendliness.
-Clementia - "Mercy" - Mildness and gentleness.
-Dignitas - "Dignity" - A sense of self-worth, personal pride.
-Firmitas - "Tenacity" - Strength of mind, the ability to stick to one's purpose.
-Frugalitas - "Frugalness" - Economy and simplicity of style, without being miserly.
-Gravitas - "Gravity" - A sense of the importance of the matter at hand, responsibility and earnestness.
-Honestas - "Respectability" - The image that one presents as a respectable member of society.
-Humanitas - "Humanity" - Refinement, civilization, learning, and being cultured.
-Industria - "Industriousness" - Hard work.
-Pietas - "Dutifulness" - More than religious piety; a respect for the natural order socially, politically, and religiously. Includes the ideas of patriotism and devotion to others.
-Prudentia - "Prudence" - Foresight, wisdom, and personal discretion.
-Salubritas - "Wholesomeness" - Health and cleanliness.
-Severitas - "Sternness" - Gravity, self-control.
-Veritas - "Truthfulness" - Honesty in dealing with others.

And then I found this:

• To relieve stress must be a pleasure too, I think. It's just another of those pleasures we don't pay attention to, unless we go to some luxurious spa or a therapy session.

When we lead a stressful life, we have two options: we try to keep up, or we crack up.

Most of us wear ourselves out by trying to keep up the pace, do what we have to do and appear to be on top of things. We forget that to force ourselves to slow down and take time to charge the batteries saves stress; time even.

Now that I think about it, most of the points on my list have something to do with stress relief. 

At least to me they do.

One Whiff Of These 10 Scents Can Relieve Stress Almost Instantly

1) Lemon


Promotes concentration and allows the mind to calm especially when angry, anxious or very exhausted. Lemon boosts the body’s immune system, improving circulation and is known to reduce anxiety and depression.

2) Cinnamon


The stimulating properties in cinnamon can help fight mental fatigue and improve concentration and focus. Researchers from Wheeling Jesuit University studied participants and found that those who took a whiff of cinnamon improved in cognitive functions like visual-motor response, working memory and attention span.

3) Lavender


Lavender helps calm the mind and body almost instantly. But perhaps its most useful benefit is its ability to help treat insomnia. This essential oil has calming ands sedative properties that help control emotional stress. Lavender has a soothing effect on nerves and can relieve nervous tension and depression as well as treat headaches and migraines.

4) Rain


After a rainstorm, especially a rain storm that breaks a long dry spell, the world smells different.

The clean scent after a rainfall is partially caused by ozone cleaning away some of the scents we take for granted.

The smell of rain can literally relieve stress and improve your mood by over 60%

5) Fresh Cut Grass


Scent researchers found that a chemical released by a newly-mowed lawn can make people feel joyful and relaxed. The smell apparently is so powerful thatneuroscientists came up with a perfume and air fragrance that matches it so the lawnless can also reap the benefits of the feel-good scent.

6) Peppermint


Try peppermint when brainstorming. An energy booster, this scent invigorates the mind, promotes concentration and stimulates clear thinking.

Smelling peppermint is linked to greater cognitive stamina, motivation and overall performance.

7) Vanilla


In a study published in the Proceedings of ISOT/JASTS 2004, researchers found that taking a whiff of vanilla bean elevated participants’ feelings of joy and relaxation. The results were measured through mood mapping, which included emotions ranging from happiness and stimulation to apathy and irritation.

8) Rosemary


The stimulating effect of rosemary may enhance certain aspects of mental function. People who work in rosemary-scented cubicles have better long-term memory than those who worked in unscented cubicles. Rosemary improves long-term memory, alertness and has properties that fight physical exhaustion, headaches and mental fatigue.

9) Pine


Pine decreases anxiety and alleviates stress. In one Japanese study, participants who went on a walk through pine forests reported significantly lower depression and stress levels. The research also discovered that anxious subjects had a greater feeling of relaxation after indulging in the scent.

10) Jasmine 

Like lavender, jasmine it is also used to calm nerves, but this oil is also commonly used as an anti-depressant because of its uplifting capabilities that produce a feeling of confidence, optimism and revitalized energy.   (This article appeared first at Prevent Disease)

I don't know anything about the science behind how those scents affect us, but I do know I totally agree!

(Just think about what it feels like to get that christmas tree indoors (the real thing, not a plastic replica), straighten your back and inhale; Pure therapy.)

Seems to me I have a good life filled with pleasures. I just need to appreciate them more. And be more grateful.

Hospitality we need.

Hospitality; it's a concept I find more and more people have a rather alien apprehension of. It's no longer the norm to just pop in on someone for a cup of coffee. We can no longer expect people to put things aside and just waste time the high quality kind of way: in good company and friendly chit-chat.

Since I have something to say about it, I thought it would be appropriate to define what hospitality really is, so in order to get it right, I found the proper defenition of hospitality online.

It refers to the relationship process between a guest and a host, and it also refers to the act or practice of being hospitable, that is, the reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers, with liberality and goodwill. 
Hospitality is also known as the act of generously providing care and kindness to whomever is in need.

The Bible say something about it too:

In the New Testament, the Greek word translated “hospitality” literally means “love of strangers.” Hospitality is a virtue that is both commanded and commended throughout Scripture. In the Old Testament, it was specifically commanded by God: “When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt” (Leviticus 19:33-34, emphasis added).

I got this thought in my head that I had something to say about hospitality, so I told a friend that I was thinking about writing a blog about that.

"What will you write in your blog about it?"

Well, I hadn't written the text yet, but from the top of my head I told him that I wanted to write about how easy it is to invite and be friendly and welcoming to people you know really well and have close relation to, and how spotless you feel your house must be for others to see.

"Ha!!", he replied, "Let your closest friends see you really live, but those who are outside the circle see you live in a pristine world".

How very facebook. That is the image we like to give on social medias, unless someone stage a cluttered house, carefully arranged in an effectful way, and post a picture of how terrible their house looks.

I don't have to stage clutter. It is the natural state of my house, but then again: I would rather be caught dead than post a picture of it.

Yet, in the midst of unfolded laundry, toys, books and you name it: in my chaotic place you will at times find all kinds of people drinking coffee or tea, and enjoy the fact that someone has a house messy enough to tell a tale about.

And the funny part of it is, they don't seem to care too much, any of them.

Some times, when my boys have had friends over, and the house is extraordinary untidy, I can literally hear them plan how to tell their family and friends about my poor housewife skills, spicing up their story with embellished descriptions on the state of my house.

I would never keep anyone stand on the porch, just because I am afraid of the inevitable talk. Let them have their moment of relief and friendly haughty laugh.

At the end of the day, I am confident my house is clean enough to stay healthy and messy enough to stay happy, and at the bottom, on the surface of the floor, you will find it is spotless and impeccable clean.

My house is very happy based upon the mess.

I remember vaguely when my parents, on Sunday afternoon, announced: "We are going to pay a visit!" Most often we went to relatives, but also friends of my parents.

Back in those days kids didn't have their own agenda, we lived by the rules and the doings of our parents'.

We went for impulsive visits, often after having been on a hike in the morning and had dinner (tea).

Some times we were the ones getting visitors, and there was always a cake or some other homemade treat served with coffee. 

My mother baked the week's bread and cakes every Saturday. I have no idea what happened to the cakes on the Sundays we didn't stay at home.

We kept up this social life, even after having a phone became common: It was important to see, and spend time, with other people.

Today, with all the health-gurus, and the rules of what to eat and when, and even more important: peoples' constant dieting and attempt to cut back on this or that, people don't bake anymore. We tend to buy something sugary instead, and that's fine, but we shouldn't think anyone expects more than your company. A mere cup of coffee, tea or a glass of something cool is quite sufficient... if you want to offer something.

There are countless reasons to why we don't pay visits anymore, not to the same degree we did before, anyway. We are entertained in our own home by digital and electronic gadgets and medias, apparently we don't feel the same need for company anymore.

Another reason is that people are busy. We work, kids need a lift here and there (and some times everywhere), we need to keep our house and garden, and days go by and time just doesn't seem to add up. The recipe to the classic time pressure and stress mess.

In an ideal world, we wouldn't sacrifice spending time with friends and family. In an ideal world we would still plan and agree upon doing things together.

I am sure I would never regret doing that, but there is a good chance I would regret I never did.

I often get the question: "How do you do it? How do you find the energy to invite people into your home?" Truth is I very seldom do, but I always invite people who ring the doorbell in.

I don't have more energy than other people, I have come to terms with my limits, and feel comfortable with the consequences. I have to admit I suffered from a stress attack before I settled for far less than a perfect house.

Just like everybody else, we have special occasions when we want the house to sparkle. And we do fuss about cleaning everything; floors, door knobs, windows... you know: a thorough, total, old fashioned "cleaning the house".

But we don't do it every day just because we fear someone should see the state of our everyday house.

In many ways I have escaped the merry-go-round. I do not deliver instamoments in form of three courses, or perfect displays. (I love candles! They are everywhere in my house, but that's not the same thing.)

I can't live up to the expectations, and my health tells me I can't even try. So I create my own standards. And I am actually a tiny bit, secretly proud, to be breaking the code of "good housewifing".

In a society, where the image and the deceitful lies prevails the community, it is easy to forget that friendship and fellowship are about letting people into our lives and homes. Vi need to be together, talk with one another, laugh together, play, share and listen to one another.

Our time is becoming a time for hundreds of contacts and likes. We have fewer friends and close relationships than before. We are afraid to let our masks fall; to show who we really are has become somewhat of a hazard. 

Our kids think they are with friends when they sit alone in their rooms, gaming with their friends who sit alone in their rooms.

While we waste time on social medias in order to post funny quotas, like strangers' dinnerplans and ignoring the rules of safety online, our single socks and dirty dishes pile up. We tell about the scandalous kitchen floor, but don't take time to sweep up the crumbs. We settle for telling about how good we feel about having done it.

We tell the world about our wannabe selves, forgetting that when we are sure about who we really are, it doesn't matter if things are a bit thrown out of gear.

Instead we keep up appearance diving into different sizes screens.

In Norway vast amount of money is spent every year on redecorating and nick-nacks. But many of us never show anyone our displays, other than to create instamoments and facebook likes.

I find it sad. Our most widespread disease is lonelyness. We miss the parts of the conversations which we replace with emoticons.

We are made to have companionship, to be affected by others face to face. Being together makes us alive and present.

I think our entire society will be a better place if we dare to step back, to leave our mobile phones, tablets and computers alone and pay eachother a visit.

I hope dropping by will be in fashion again. I hope we have not lost the art of real fellowship. I hope we get brave enough to pay eachother visits again. I hope we can get past the wall we build between us and those we perceive as different. I hope we become generous enough to invite those who cross our path for our own sake. Otherwise, we will turn into a people in need.