What's for free and as of now.

Life is a journey. It took me a while to understand that you can enjoy the ride, rather than being hasty and only set future goals.

When I was a kid and we went on a summer vacation, we never stopped unless we had to stop and wait for a ferry. Other than that we just charged on. We passed the beautiful sights tourists from all over the world come to Norway to see, in an impressive speed to get to the next ferry on time, and we never stopped to buy luscious strawberries and cherries.
I never learned to appreciate the journey. I loathed the trip; I just wanted to get there!
We owned an Austin Maxi, it was crowded with bags and other luggage, two adults, four kids and a dog... and the only aircondition was opening the windows. Not all the roads had asphalt... Often the Border Collie and I would lay in the rear window on the hat rack. In those days that was acceptable. A huge no no these days (thank heavens!).

One summer we went to Germany. Of all ironic places we could go, we drove "Die Romantische Strasse". Hah! In the new Saab, (still no aircondition, but with a somewhat limited cool air system) and a rented caravan, we never really stopped anywhere. There was no lazy admiration of the surroundings.
I don't think my parents even knew how to do that. We stopped for the night at the nearest campground when it was time.

I still remember one afternoon we had to drive through the village to get to the campground. The streets were so narrow we had to fold in the mirrors on the car. We worried we would never be able to leave. When we parked the caravan for the night it was getting dark, and all the colorful lightbulbs decorating the gypsies' caravans were lit. It was beautiful! I was not allowed to leave the caravan at all, not untill we left the next morning.

One day, on a narrow road, in the middle of an endless  grain field; nothing to be seen anywhere but aboundance of grain and the sky, my mother lost it and burst into tears. We stayed in Detwang, just outside Rotenburg ob der Tauber, for two days before we started driving back home. The only tan any of us got on that trip was my mother's arm, from elbow to her hand.

My parents handed down the attitude of getting there. I have travelled quite a bit, but not untill recently did I discover one can slow down and ignore the clock. There is no need to hurry up because you are almost late. Some times you get there on time, and some times you can just stroll and enjoy and get there when you get there.

Sometimes life itself is like that. Even though we have a lot going on, we tend to look forward, what things will be like in the future.
I, for one, always have plans and dreams for what things will be like when...

To slow down and enjoy the roses I come across as I keep up everyday, is something I need to remind myself of.

I would hate to end up like in the song: "... life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."



And the present, what you need to enjoy what is here and now, is actually free, and of no charge.




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Time-manage ment

A new year, full of great hopes that this year, finally, my resolutions will be fullfilled. This time I won't desperately hang on to my intentions, only to realize time after time how I fail.
This year things will be better. I will do better. Life will be better.
I don't really know why I wrote that last statement, because I have a good life. I have nothing to really complain about, so when I say "life will be better" it is mostly because it's a cliché I feel almost anticipated to strive for.

The only thing I have given some profound reflection on is the stressmess I constantly find myself in.
I work full time, I have kids who need follow-up in school, sports they are active in, and of course just attention for the sake of bonding.
I have a house and a home which needs tending: shopping (which I really don't like but still have to do), cooking, cleaning, laundry and mending clothes (Where do all the the sweatsuits and towels come from? When did we get hold of it all? How did it all end up in the laundry basket with ripped holes and seams?) , tidying up toys and dishes and the constant chase to keep up my intention of placing everything at its place.
My dog needs its walks, my friends deserve attention, and I really, really deserve a hot cup of coffee now and again.

My familie has paid attention to my complaints about how I never have time to read much, so for christmas I was given a few books. I still haven't had time to read them, and yesterday I was really upset about that: at my work's general meeting our principal decided it was appropriate to give a detailed summing up on two really good books he was given, and had read, during the holidays. I got both.

Anyway, in order to pursuit the quest of becoming a better person I have been reading up on time management. I thought that since it's true that to earn money you must spend money, the same thing goes about time: To save time you must spend time.

The vast amount of books, blogs and articles which have been created to address the concepts of time management is almost unbelievable. I found countless of seminars on the subject too. I never thought it was such a big issue. I’ve been soaking up information on how others bring order to their lives, creating more time and taking better advantage of the time they have.

I took time I don't have to read about time management and how to get time to do everything you want or need to do.
I read through a lot of online articles. I picked up a recommended book about it. I talked to a couple of people who say they got it all under control.

I can't believe how structured people's lives are. They can set off time to do just about anything they want. Anything from crafts, golf, gardening... to reading.

A couple of hours into me ploughing through the literature I found a distinct difference between men and women. Now, I admit it could be just fluke created from my selection, but even though the tips for good time management are aimed at all layers and genders I was struck by how many time management gurus are men. And most women don't tell me how to make "me"-time happen, but they are eager to tell me why I should schedule "me"-time.

I suspect only people getting paid to find out how to spend time more effectively have the kind of luxury it is to spend time thinking out strategies on how to spend time the best way in order to do what you want, and need to, do.

New Year's Eve together.

Celebrating an event or occasion alone with the kids isn't really the most festive thing to do, neither for me nor the kids. We have different expectations to what makes a great party, so it was with profound relief and gratitude we agreed to come and celebrate the evening with my best friend and her family. 

Last year we  celebrated in my house. She was alone, with children well to note, I was alone with the children, and we invited a single friend who had nothing more exciting to do. 
There is only one thing more sorry than to celebrate something and you are the only adult, and that is to be utterly alone. (I've tried both, so I know a little about that.)

Children have so much to do, and they will happily do things on their own, so you are left to have soulful conversations with yourself. One can always knit, but how fun is that, on New Year's Eve, when you know the entire world is out there welcoming the new year having a blast?

Anyway, a year ago we were three ladies and three children, and we had a real nice evening. A lot of good food, snacks and good-natured fireworks. 

This year (or, strictly speaking, last year, but you know what I mean) we were invited home to her family.
That is ... until she called me and told that she had lent her house to her son, who had invited so many guests with babies, that they were tight on room  when the babies should sleep.
BUT we were welcome to spend the evening in his apartment.

Well, it's not exactly the same as being in a familiar and accustomed place, so I said that we could be at my place.
Since she had invited us, and then given away "the premises" to someone else, she insisted on cooking. She is so generous that it sometimes becomes a strain, but it is always well intended ... and it's really heart-warming to be taken care of like that. Annoying because I can make do on my own, but at the same time nice.

She arrived bringing turkey, sprouts, ready peeled potatoes ... a pot with some carrots (the rest lay in her driveway, but she had a pack of carrots for me to peel), a delightful mashed rutabaga and sauce.
A single friend was bringing a Waldorf salad (someone other than the previously mentioned ... but she also came; they both had nothing better to do).

I went to the store to buy milk, and met a woman I know who said they had no plans, so I invited them as well. The more, the merrier. She insisted on bringing something. She couldn't come without bringing something to the table... so we agreed she could bring a cake.

Just before dinner on New Year's Eve, I learned that a neighbor family would be celebrating alone, so I sent a text message and asked them over after dinner. They could certainly come to dinner, but I knew they had already cooked a tasty meal.

The guests arrived and waited for us to serve dinner. While waiting, my friend's husband found every adult a unique mug and offered the adults coffee. I tried to tell him where the good cups were, but he didn't listen. Our diverse collection of mugs with photos, commercials, soccer teams, names and chips were handed out and appreciated. That's when I tell myself "I'm just normal, we all have those mugs, the difference is just they probably hide them when having people over. Oh, why didn't I hide them? Why didn't I find the good cups and set them on the counter before they arrived? Men!" 
My frustration didn't last long. It's not the night for being hung up on petty details.

For dinner we were a healthy bunch of 16 people. Lovely!  Then came more guests, and it was time for the children's first round of fireworks. We never buy big packs with large rockets, but there is a lot of the smaller kind which makes noise and sparks and that kids like.

The dog behaved fine, with only a few, frustrated yelps, but he got so much attention that he completely forgot about all the bangs, howls and milling outside.

And there was coffee ... the kids came, grabbed a treat and quickly disappeared into the basement to play games... and the TV was off, that alone was absolutely lovely.
In Norway, when we invite someone over for coffee, or we "have coffee" during a party, there is always cake, cookies, ice-cream and/or sweets. It's like a meal holding everything you shouldn't eat. Ever so yummy!

We had barely swallowed away the first sip of coffee before a father burst out "Hey! Look at the clock, only 5 minutes to midnight! We must get out! Get the kids!"

Jackets, shoes, protective goggles, sparklers and lighters lying in a huge pile in the hallway, was quickly sorted, put on or put in pockets.
The rest of us adults came rambling along in a more leisurely pace and we managed to get outside in time, shout "Happy New Year!", throw our arms around everybody's neck to steal a lot of good and warm hugs, before we went back inside to finish our coffee. 
The men, and those who needed some extra fresh air, were left to supervise the kids and the fireworks.
They kept going for a long time. A very long time. 

We forgot about the champagne. We forgot about the non alcoholic pink champagne for the kids.

It turned out to be a family-friendly celebration of the new year. High spirits, good humor and good friends.
Some might say that it was hospitable to open the house in this way, but it's really not. The house has room for people, and I am not afraid of anything breaking or a little mess. Besides, guests are usually very good at doing the dishes. I am eternally grateful that I have people around me who did not want me to be alone.
Although I am often alone (I even thrive in my own, quirky company), I don't really mind. I am never lonely, you see. But sometimes it's good to have company.

I try to follow the golden rule: Invite others into your life. Kind of strange, since as a person I am rather private, I really don't reveal too much about myself, but I do enjoy the company of others. It's not certain they accept the invitation, but give them the opportunity to choose.
Having the option makes all the difference.

A lot of fun here, New Year's Eve. 

I really didn't mind picking it all up the next day, in the rain and wind, it was quite ok, actually.

Besides, there were some young guests who did a great job collecting much of it in a pile.